* * * * *

“DINNER FORGET.”—­Lord RANDOLPH is coming home by a Union Company’s Steamer.  The distinguished Unionist is to have a special cook to attend to him.  Does this mean that he returns as a Special COOK’s Tourist?

* * * * *

AN ELECTION ECHO.

  GLADSTONIAN LAMBERT,
    Of course, as he should,
  This last bye-election
    Considered was good. 
  But Unionist BULLER
    Has said, on reflection,
  That to him it seemed rather
    A Good-Bye election!

* * * * *

NEW WORK.—­A Merry England in a Cat’s Cradle, by the Author of Across England in a Dog-Cart.

* * * * *

A VERY REVOLTING PLACE.—­Brazil.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE LITTLE GERMANIA MAGNATE;

OR, TRYING TO SWAY THE SCEPTRE.]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  JONES, SHOOTING IN NEW BOOTS, IS KNOCKED OUT SIX MILES FROM HOME, AND ACCORDINGLY IS TOLD OFF TO “MARK” FOR THE PARTY.  WIND N.N.E., VERY FRESH.  THERMOMETER 28 deg..]

* * * * *

OUR FINANCIAL COLUMN.

I have been forced by the enormous increase of my business to take larger offices, and to engage two hundred additional clerks to carry on my immense correspondence.  I merely mention this as it may be satisfactory to my countless well-wishers.  But of course the old address—­“CROESUS:  London” will still find me.  I publish below a selection from the letters received during the week.

(1.) SIR,—­You informed me in a private communication, that the Patent Spills Manufacturing Co. stock was a splendid investment.  Acting on this, I bought.  From that moment, Spills have fallen steadily.  Kindly explain.

Yours,

INDIGNANT.

[To this I can only answer, that the complaint is ludicrous, and preposterous.  If you had bought on the day I advised, and sold out ten minutes afterwards, you would have realised a handsome profit of one farthing a share.  Moreover, how can anything fall steadily?  I never did, which shows what a fool “INDIGNANT” must be.

CROESUS.]

(2.) SIR,—­I send L22,000 19s. 83/4d., which I wish tied up as tightly as possible in the Unlimited Packthread Stock Company, which you say is as safe as a house.  Let me know which particular house you mean.  The money belongs (or belonged) to my Maiden Aunt.

Yours sincerely,

BALIK RASH.

[Consider it done, my dear Sir; consider it done.  I return the three farthings, for which I have no possible use.  The rest is invested.  Transfers await your signature at my new office.

CROESUS.]