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Table of Contents
Section	Page

Start of eBook	1
ON FILLING AN INK-WELL	1
A GRACE BEFORE WRITING	3
OLD THOUGHTS FOR CHRISTMAS	3
CHRISTMAS CARDS	6
ON UNANSWERING LETTERS	7
A LETTER TO FATHER TIME	10
WHAT MEN LIVE BY	12
THE UNNATURAL NATURALIST	14
SITTING IN THE BARBER’S CHAIR	16
BROWN EYES AND EQUINOXES	18
A TRAGIC SMELL IN MARATHON	21
BULLIED BY THE BIRDS	23
A MESSAGE FOR BOONVILLE	25
MAKING MARATHON SAFE FOR THE URCHIN	27
THE SMELL OF SMELLS	29
A JAPANESE BACHELOR	31
TWO DAYS WE CELEBRATE	37
THE URCHIN AT THE ZOO	42
FELLOW CRAFTSMEN	45
THE KEY RING	47
CHAPTER I	49
CHAPTER II	49
CHAPTER III	50
CHAPTER IV	52
CHAPTER V	53
CHAPTER VI	55
THE APPLE THAT NO ONE ATE	55
AS TO RUMORS	58
OUR MOTHERS	61
GREETING TO AMERICAN ANGLERS	63
MRS. IZAAK WALTON WRITES A LETTER TO HER MOTHER	64
TRUTH	65
THE TRAGEDY OF WASHINGTON SQUARE	66
IF MR. WILSON WERE THE WEATHER MAN	68
SYNTAX FOR CYNICS	69
THE TRUTH AT LAST	71
FIXED IDEAS	71
TRIALS OF A PRESIDENT TRAVELING ABROAD	72
DIARY OF A PUBLISHER’S OFFICE BOY	73
THE DOG’S COMMANDMENTS	73
THE VALUE OF CRITICISM	74
A MARRIAGE SERVICE FOR COMMUTERS	75
THE SUNNY SIDE OF GRUB STREET	76
BURIAL SERVICE FOR A NEWSPAPER JOKE	80
ADVICE TO THOSE VISITING A BABY	80
ABOU BEN WOODROW	80
MY MAGNIFICENT SYSTEM	81
LETTERS TO CYNTHIA	82
BE FRIENDLY WITH BOOBS	82
THE BOOB IS HUMANITY’S HOPE	82
THE BOOB RATIO	82
HE LOOKS FOR ANGELS	82
HE SEES THEM	83
HE BEARS NO MALICE	83
A DEFINITION	83
HE IS UNSUSPICIOUS	83
HIS WIFE	83
RECEPTIVE	83
HE IS HAPPY	83
NATURE’S DARLING	84
A BRIEF MAXIM	84
IN CONCLUSION	84
II. SIMPLIFICATION	84
THINKING IT OVER	84
TAKE THE MATTER IN YOUR OWN HANDS	85
FURTHER SUGGESTIONS	85
ENVELOPES WITH LOOP HOLES	85
YOUR INQUIRY, CHILD, TOUCHES MY HEART	86
TO AN UNKNOWN DAMSEL	86
SONGS IN A SHOWER BATH	86
HOT WATER	86
ON DEDICATING A NEW TEAPOT	87
VISITING POETS	87
A GOOD HOME IN THE SUBURBS	89
WALT WHITMAN MINIATURES	90
I	90
II	93
III	95
ON DOORS	98

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Mince Pie from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.