* * * * *

How delightful it must be to be possessed by one of these Theories!  All the experiences of the theorist’s life tend to confirm his Theory.  This is always so.  Did you ever hear of a Theory being confuted?

* * * * *

Facts are quite helpless in the face of Theories.  For after all, most Facts are insufficiently encouraged with applause.  When a Fact comes along, the people in charge are generally looking the other way.  This is what is meant by Not Facing the Facts.

* * * * *

Therefore all argument is quite useless, for it only results in stiffening your friend’s belief in his (presumably wrong) Theory.

* * * * *

When any one tries to argue with you, say, “You are nothing if not accurate, and you are not accurate.”  Then escape from the room.

* * * * *

When we hear our friends diligently expounding the ideas which Explain Everything, we are wistful.  We go off and say to ourself, We really must dig up some kind of Theory about Life.

* * * * *

We read once of a great man that he never said, “Well, possibly so.”  This gave us an uneasy pang.

* * * * *

It is a mistake to be Open to Conviction on so many topics, because all one’s friends try to convince one.  This is very painful.

* * * * *

And it is embarrassing if, for the sake of a quiet life, one pretends to be convinced.  At the corner of Tenth and Chestnut we allowed ourself to agree with A.B., who said that the German colonies should be internationalized.  Then we had to turn down Ninth Street because we saw C.D. coming, with whom we had previously agreed that Great Britain should have German Africa.  And in a moment we had to dodge into Sansom Street to avoid E.F., having already assented to his proposition that the German colonies should have self-determination.  This kind of thing makes it impossible to see one’s friends more than one at a time.

* * * * *

Perhaps our Fixed Idea is that we have no Fixed Ideas.

Well, possibly so.

TRIALS OF A PRESIDENT TRAVELING ABROAD

10 a.m.—­Arrive at railway station.  Welcomed by King and Queen.  Hat on head.  Umbrella left hand.  Gloves on.

10:01—­Right glove off (hastily) into left hand.  Hat off (right hand).  Umbrella hanging on left arm.

10:02—­Right glove into left pocket.  Hat to left hand.  Shake hands with King.

10:03—­Shake hands with Queen.  Left glove off to receive flowers.  Umbrella to right hand.

10:04—­Shake hands with Prime Minister.  Left glove in left hand.  Umbrella back to left hand.  Flowers in left hand.  Hat in left hand.