Witness (in the same modest tone).  So I am given to understand.

Chairman.  What is your father?

Witness.  An artisan.  But pardon me, I think I can anticipate and answer the next question.  I am entirely unfit to follow my parent’s calling—­physically and morally.  My frame has been weakened by study, and my education prevents—.

Chairman (interrupting).  Just so.  We can hardly expect a lad of fourteen who is good enough to floor the London matriculation taking to bricklaying? (Murmurs of general assent.) Well, my boy, have you tried to get a clerkship?

Witness.  Alas! yes, indeed I have, my Lord and Gentlemen.  I have tried everywhere to obtain employment, but without success.

Chairman (sympathetically).  Dear me!  Very sad!  But come, my lad, we have given you something more than an ordinary commercial education—­you have acquired accomplishments.

Witness.  Yes, my Lord and Gentlemen; but, believe me, they are valueless.  I am an excellent violinist, but there is no room for me at the theatres.  It is true I might, by paying my footing, secure a place in a strolling band, consisting of a harp and a cornet, but I have conscientious scruples against earnings gained at the doors of a public-house.

Chairman.  Certainly.  Besides, I fancy you make too light of the difficulties of securing such a position.  A Witness, who gave very much the same evidence as yourself, declared it was impossible to gain admission even to a German Band.  But you have learned drawing?

Witness.  Yes; but I find the accomplishment valueless as a bread-winner.  I would do pastels on the flag-stones were not the supply of artists in this particular line greatly in excess of the demand.  Besides, the police move them on.

Chairman.  Well, my lad, what can you do for yourself?

Witness.  Nothing; and consequently, my Lord and Gentlemen, I hope you will do something for me.

Chairman (after consultation with his colleagues).  As you have been educated up to a point rendering you valueless at fourteen, we shall have much pleasure in recommending that your studies be continued until your education will be equally valueless at nineteen.  If this scheme does nothing else, it will keep you employed for the next five years! [Scene closes in upon the Report.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  A SCIENTIFIC CENTENARY.]

Faraday (returned).  “WELL, MISS SCIENCE, I HEARTILY CONGRATULATE YOU; YOU HAVE MADE MARVELLOUS PROGRESS SINCE MY TIME!”]

* * * * *

ORATORIO, AS HANDLED AT THE C.P.