KING H-MB-RT TO PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N.

On reflection, afraid people here wouldn’t like it.  Sorry to have to decline your offer.

PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N TO KING H-MB-RT.

You want ready cash. We want Coliseum.  Why not strike bargain?  Syndicate offers five million dollars.  Useful for your next Budget.  You can remit no end of taxes.  People sure to like that.

KING H-MB-RT TO PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N.

Couldn’t let it go so cheap.  Have you thought of Parthenon?  Greek
Government might part with it as a loan, on reasonable terms.

PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N TO KING H-MB-RT.

Thanks for suggesting Parthenon.  Chicago Syndicate thinks it’s not good enough.  Couldn’t bring in the Lions and Martyrs very well.  Also Parthenon by moonlight not such a safe draw as Coliseum.

KING H-MB-RT TO PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N.

Might think of it if you increased offer to ten million dollars, and would promise to return it within two years, in good repair, fair wear and tear alone excepted.

PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N TO KING H-MB-RT.

Syndicate says if they have to pay so much for Coliseum, and return it, they must have remains of Forum thrown in.

KING H-MB-RT TO PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N.

Don’t think we could spare ruins of Forum.  Have you thought of Vatican?  We could easily spare that.  Why not approach the POPE on the subject?

PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N TO KING H-MB-RT.

No, thanks!  Sorry to have troubled you for nothing, but Syndicate has now arranged to build a Coliseum of its own, double the size of yours, and to reproduce Forum, Parthenon, Capitol, Vatican, as well as Windsor Castle and Westminster Abbey, out of old brown paper, compressed and hardened by a new process.  Ta-ta for present!  Hope you’ll get over next Budget all right.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THINGS ONE WOULD(N’T) RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID.

(In Mrs. Talbot de Vere Skynflynte’s Drawing-Room, after one of her grand Dinner-Parties where nobody gets enough to eat.)

General Guzzleton.  “WHAT’S THAT?  TEA?  NO, THANKS.  I NEVER TAKE TEA UNLESS I’VE DINED!”]

* * * * *

ALL ADRIFT; OR, THREE MEN IN A PUNT.

["The uncertainty as to the course of business, justifies, to a certain extent, the criticisms of Sir WILLIAM HARCOURT and Mr. LABOUCHERE, upon the proceedings of the Government.”—­The Times.]

B-lf-r.  Humph!  Shifting ground again!  I did think we were in for a quiet swim and good sport.

  “Oh! the jolly angler’s life
     Is the beat of any!”

Yes, that’s all very fine, IZAAK.  But it depends upon your pitch—­and your companions.  I say, G-SCH-N, what are you up to?  Don’t let the punt swing round like that, man, I was nearly over, and my tackle’s fouled.