Intell.  Stran. Stay, you say it’s in Chicago!  I know what the firing means!  They don’t like the piece, and they are shooting the Author!

Lect. Of course, Sir! (To Small Boy.) And now my little man, what do you want?

Small Boy.  Please, Sir, I have got a shilling to spend in hearing something from somewhere all the world over.

Lect. (producing programme).  Here is a list of our stations.  You see we have wires laid on to all parts of Europe, Africa, Asia, and America.  Next Tuesday we shall be in communication with Australia.  And now, what will you have?

Small Boy.  I don’t know.  Something exciting, please.

Lect. Well, you can hear, by taking these, a number of Astronomers discussing in Committee the transit of Venus.  Or, if you listen to these, you will hear a chat about the floating of the next Russian loan, held in one of the centres of speculation, to wit, the Bourse at Vienna.  Most interesting, I can assure you.  Which will you have?

Small Boy.  Oh, please, I don’t care for astronomy, and am too young to understand finance.

Lect. Now, here’s a Bull Fight—­you can distinctly hear the shouts—­and here’s a Chinese execution.

Small Boy.  Oh, that will be nice.  Which shall I have?

Lect. Can’t say—­you pay your money, and you take your choice!  And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, I am ready for your commands.

    [Attends to other Customers as the Scene closes in.  Curtain.

* * * * *

THE VERY WILDEST WEST.

["The idea of transporting the Coliseum at Rome to the shores of Lake Michigan has been broached in all seriousness.  The American Syndicate who desire to make the Coliseum an attractive feature of the Chicago Exhibition, rely for success on the financial necessities of the Italian Government.”—­Daily Paper.]

(BY ATLANTIC CABLE.)

[Illustration]

PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N TO KING H-MB-RT.

A Chicago Syndicate has asked me to mention that they want your Coliseum.  What price do you ask?  They would be glad of it for the World-Fair, which will be about the biggest thing ever seen on this planet.  No trouble to you. We take all risks!

KING H-MB-RT TO PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N.

Cannot discuss Coliseum subject till you’ve settled New Orleans lynching business in conformity with International Law.

PRESIDENT H-RR-S-N TO KING H-MB-RT.

All right.  Thought you’d say that.  Chicago Syndicate willing to meet your views about New Orleans.  Do you want leading members of Grand Jury shipped quietly over to Italy, or what?  Syndicate will do anything to oblige.  Says it must have Coliseum, especially by moonlight.  Intends starting realistic scenes with Gladiators, Lions, and Christian Martyrs.