&nb
sp;                                                    L. s. d. 
  To preparing (in special costume) to receive Interviewer,
  for putting aside letters, refusing to see tradesmen, &c. 3 0 0
  To receiving Interviewer, Photographer, and Artist, and
  talking about nothing in particular for ten minutes. 5 0 0
  To cigars and light refreshments all round. 10 6
  To giving an account of my life and works generally
  (this being the article itself). 20 0 0
  To showing photographs, books, pictures, playbills, and
  various curios in my collection. 5 0 0
  To being photographed in several attitudes in the back
  garden three times, and incurring the danger of catching
  a severe cold. 3 0 0
    (***_On the condition that I should sign all photos sold
    inspect books, and receive_ 10 per cent. of gross receipts.)
  To allowing black-and-white Artist to make a sketch of my
  study, also of myself. 0 0 0
    (***_On the condition that only this one picture is to
    be done, and that if sold separately, I must receive_
    10 per cent. of such sale.)
  Luncheon, with champagne for the lot, at 15s. per head 2 5 0
  Cigars and liqueurs. 0 10 0
  For time occupied at luncheon in giving further details of
  my life and history. 10 0 0
          
                                                  -----------
                    Total L49 5 6

The refreshments are entirely optional, and therefore can be struck out beforehand.

Pray show the above to the eminent firm which has the advantage of your zealous services, and believe me to remain

Your most sincerely obliged

BARON DE BOOK-WORMS.

To the above a reply may be expected, and, if received, it will probably be in a different tone from Mr. SOPHTE SOPER’s previous communications.  No matter.  There’s an end of it.  The Baron’s advice to all “Celebrities,” when asked to permit themselves to be interviewed, is, in the language of the poet,—­

  “Charge, Chester, charge!”

then they will have benefited other Celebrities all round, and the result will be that either only those authors will be interviewed who are worth the price of interviewing, or the professional biographical compilers will have to hunt up nobodies, dress up jays as peacocks, and so bring the legitimate business of “Interviewing” into well-deserved contempt.

* * * * *

Two Men in a Boat.  By Messrs. DILLON and O’BRIEN.

[Illustration:  THE GRAND OLD CAMPAIGNER IN SCOTLAND.]