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“YE GODS, WHAT A TERRIBLE TWIST!”

Statistics are sweet things, and full of startling surprises.  Like the Frenchman in “Killaloe” “you never know what they’ll be up to next.”  Here, for instance, is a “statement showing the decrease in price in the United States of many articles within the past ten years largely consumed by the agricultural community.”  And among these “many articles” “largely consumed,” are “mowing machines, barb fence-wire, horseshoes, forks, wire-cloth, slop-buckets, wheelbarrows, and putty.”  No wonder dyspepsia is the national disease in America.  Fancy “consuming” French staples, pie-plates (though they sound almost edible), and putty!!!  The ostrich is supposed to be capable of digesting such dainties as broken bottles, and tenpenny nails, but that voracious fowl is evidently not “in it” with the “Agricultural community” of America.

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ODD.—­A Correspondent says he found this advertisement in the Guardian:—­

    RECTOR of S. Michael’s, Lichfield, requires help of a
    LAY-READER.  Visiting, S.-school, cottage services, ass. in
    choir, &c.  Good salary.

The explanation, we believe, is, that “ass.” is the abbreviated form of “assisting.”  The Rector had better have the unabbreviated assistant in choir, particularly if he be already short of choristers; unless the Rector should be also Vicar of Bray, in which case the “ass.” could be transferred from Lichfield to the more appropriate living.

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[Illustration:  “HERCULES (COUNTY) CONCILIANS.”

“The Special Committee on Water Supply, appointed by the London County Council, said, in their Report, ’Before entering upon the inquiry, the Committee thought it would be desirable to approach the Water Companies with a view to ascertaining whether it would be possible for the Companies and the Council to make some provisional agreement as to the terms upon which the Companies’ Water undertakings should be transferred to the Council, if Parliament gave the necessary authority.’”—­The Times’ Report.]

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[Illustration:  MOSSOO IN EGYPT.

Mr. Punch (to French Guardian of Egyptian Monuments).  “COME, I SAY, SIR!  DO YOU CALL THIS LOOKING AFTER THE MONUMENTS?  WAKE UP, OR YOU’LL HAVE TO GO!”—­See “Times” Leader, Oct. 3rd, 1890.]

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JOURNAL OF A ROLLING STONE.

SEVENTH ENTRY.

To my intense surprise—­shared, as far as I can see, by all my friends and relatives—­I have managed to pass the “Bar Final”!  I attribute the portentous fact to the Examiners having discreetly avoided all reference to the “Rule in SHELLEY’s Case.”