[The Head comes out, arranges his cap, and is not aware that he has a black spot on his nose.

HEAD
‘Tis the Head an’ every inch an’ ounce of him too
that stands before ye.

SERGEANT
I thought ’twas y’er ghost I saw.

HEAD (angrily)
What the blazes would me ghost be doin’ in a coal hole?

SERGEANT
What I’d like to know is what y’erself have been doin’
there.

HEAD
That won’t take me long to tell.  Waitin’ and watchin’
to catch the likes o’ you is what took me there.

SERGEANT
Now, Head, with all due respects, I’d try an’ tell the
truth if I were you.

HEAD
Sergeant Dooley, sir, anythin’ you’ll say or be likely
to say ’ll be used in evidence against you.

SERGEANT
An’ anythin’ that you say or don’t say may be used
in evidence against you.

HEAD (enraged)
Sergeant Dooley!

SERGEANT (coolly)
Yes, Head.

HEAD
Do you know that y’er addressin’ y’er superior officer?

SERGEANT
The less said about superiority the better.

HEAD
You can’t deny that I found you drinkin’ on these
licensed premises while on duty.

SERGEANT I might as well tell you candidly that you have no more chance o’ frightenin’ me or desaivin’ me than you have of catchin’ whales in Casey’s duck-pond.

HEAD (passionately)
I’ll—­I’ll—­I—­

SERGEANT You’ll have a drink from me, an’ we’ll say no more about the matter.  I wouldn’t blame any man for takin’ a drop a cold night like this.  I suppose ’twill be “Wise’s” the same as the last?  That’s if me sense o’ smell isn’t out of order.

HEAD (crestfallen, blows his breath on the palm of his hand and looks at the Sergeant) Is it as bad as that?

SERGEANT
I smelt it the instant I came in, an’ wondered where
‘twas comin’ from.

HEAD
I only took it to avoid catchin’ cold.

SERGEANT Just like meself.  We must avoid catchin’ cold at any cost. (To Mrs. Cotter) Two glasses o’ “Wise’s,” ma’am.”

[Exit Mrs. Cotter.

SERGEANT (to Head)
Wait, an’ I’ll wipe that black spot off ye’r nose.

[He does so.  Enter Mrs. Cotter.

MRS. COTTER (handing drinks)
The fire up-stairs is blazing away, an’ there’s no one
sittin’ by it.

HEAD
We’re all right. (Holding glass) Here’s long life to us!

SERGEANT
Health an’ prosperity!

HEAD (after finishing drink) We must have another, for I’m not feelin’ too well, an’ ’tis better be on the safe side.  ’Twas through neglect that some o’ the best min died.

SERGEANT
We must not forget that!

HEAD (to Mrs. Cotter)
The same again, Mrs. Cotter.

[Exit Mrs. Cotter with glasses.