’Twas our gallant pocket-sniper’s
  Fate to find himself at Wipers,
  And because he showed no fear
  He was made a pioneer.

  For the very sight of wire
  Always set his soul afire
  (We are bound by early habits—­
  It reminded him of rabbits);
  If the Huns but showed an inch of it
  Teddy took what he could pinch of it,
  Which was all, for, as I’ve said,
  Flies were not at home on Ted.

  Once our friend, by sad mishap,
  Fell into a German sap,
  And, on rising to depart,
  Found a pistol at his heart. 
  Feeling almost at a loss,
  “Kamerad!” said Edward Ross.

  Through some miles of trench they went
  Till they reached a swagger tent
  Where a German General sat
  In a highly polished hat
  (Clearly an important man),
  Studying a priceless plan. 
  Ted; who felt he simply hated him,
  While the man interrogated him,
  Quite adroitly picked the plan off
  That astonished Hun and ran off.

  Teddy’s captor, who to stop him
  Simply had to shoot and drop him,
  Fired his pistol twice, but clicked it
  All in vain, for Ted had picked it—­
  Picked the tool that looked so grim
  After they had collared him,
  While his escort dodged a dud
  Outside in the Flanders mud. 
  For on Ross, remember, please,
  Flies were always ill at ease.

  But the crowning insult he
  Added to the injury
  Still remains to tell.  As Teddy
  Snatched the priceless plan and fled, he
  Also pinched the polished hat,
  Saying, as he vanished, that,
  When in England far from here,
  He would like a souvenir
  Of the pleasant time he’d spent
  In a German General’s tent,
  As a proof for English eyes
  That he wasn’t telling lies.

  Though pursued by two or more
  Furious German Army Corps
  ’Twere superfluous to say
  That our hero got away,
  For on coves of Edward’s mettle
  Flies are ill-advised to settle.

* * * * *

    “House Parlourmaid wanted; most comfortable home; small
    family; good outings; last one 7 years.”—­Times.

Quite a nice little holiday.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE BEAR TURNS.]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

Monday, May 26th.—­On the whole I do not think that Sir AUCKLAND GEDDES, who has now definitely succeeded Sir ALBERT STANLEY as President of the Board of Trade, is to be congratulated on exchanging the academic serenity of McGill University for the turmoil of Whitehall (Bear) Gardens.  The modified system of Protection introduced under the stress of war seems to please nobody.  While Colonel WEDGWOOD complained that the price of gas-mantles (of which I should judge him to be a large consumer) has gone up owing to the prohibition of foreign imports, others objected that licences were issued so lavishly as to cause British producers to be undersold in the home-market by their American, Japanese and Italian rivals.