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Phil is a middle-manager software program and Charles's supervisor at headquarters. Charles likes Phil, because his "passive-aggressive is set to low." He often communicates with Phil by holding a hologram of the program's head in his lap, although sometimes Phil talks through speech software, and sometimes he emails instant messages. An old program, Phil occasionally crashes during speech, and starts stuttering. Phil is under the delusion that he is human, and talks to Phil in the casual jargon of good buddies who make plans to catch a ball game or have a beer together. One day, when Charles is under pressure, he blurts to Phil that he is software, not human. Phil checks, and affirms that Charles is correct. He sounds defeated, but is not angry, which Charles says is because Phil is not programmed for anger. Mostly, Phil's role in the novel is an opportunity for the author to poke fun at bureaucratic structures, delusions of grandeur, and the absurd aspects of interacting with programs as if they were actual humans.

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