How does the narrator feel when she visits China in Weike's, Chemistry: A Novel?

Visits to China leave leave the narrator embarrassed and frustrated about her difficulties with a language that, for most of her life, she has only spoken in her parents' house. She is unable to read or write it, hindering her ability to get around when visiting China, and even when she speaks to Chinese relatives, her language is different because it is essentially frozen in the year her parents emigrated. To a lesser but nevertheless significant degree, she does not use English exactly the way a native speaker does.