When I was absent from my loving dear,
          Obligingly he made her babe an ear. 
          The compliment of course I must admire;
          Retaliation is what I desire,
          And I’ve a thought:—­your children all have got
          The nose a little short, which is a blot;
          A fault within the mould no doubt’s the cause,
          Which I can mend, and any other flaws. 
          The business now let’s execute I pray,
          On which the dame he took without delay,
          And placed her near where Andrew hid his head,
          Then ’gan to operate as he was led.

          The, lady patiently his process bore,
          And blessed her stars that Andrew’s risk was o’er
          That she had thus the dire return received,
          And saved the man for whom her bosom grieved. 
          So much emotion William seemed to feel,
          No grace he gave, but all performed with zeal;
          Retaliated ev’ry way so well,
          He measure gave for measure:—­ell for ell. 
          How true the adage, that revenge is sweet! 
          The plan he followed clearly was discrete;
          For since he wished his honour to repair:—­
          Of any better way I’m not aware.

          Thewhole without a murmur Andrew viewed,
          And thanked kind Heav’n that nothing worse ensued;
          One ear most readily he would have lost,
          Could he be certain that would pay the cost. 
          He thought ’twould lucky be, could he get out,
          For all considered, better ’twere no doubt,
          Howe’er ridiculous the thing appears,
          To have a pair of horns than lose his ears.

ETEXT EDITOR’S BOOKMARKS: 

Not overburdened with a store of wit

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