Thehusband ev’ry way was armed so well,
          He four such men as Andrew could repel;
          In quest of succour howsoe’er he went: 
          To kill him surely William never meant,
          But only take an ear, or what the Turks,
          Those savage beasts, cut off from Nature’s works;
          Which doubtless must be infinitely worse
          Infernal practice and continual curse. 
          ’Twas this he whispered should be Andrew’s doom,
          When with his easy wife he left the room;
          She nothing durst reply:  the door he shut,
          And our gallant ’gan presently to strut,
          Around and round, believing all was right,
          And William unacquainted with his plight.

          Thelatter having well the project weighed,
          Now changed his plan, and other schemes surveyed;
          Proposed within himself revenge to take,
          With less parade:—­less noise it then would make,
          And better fruit the action would produce,
          Than if he were apparently profuse. 
          Said he to Alice, go and seek his wife;
          To her relate the whole that caused our strife;
          Minutely all from first to last detail;
          And then the better on her to prevail,
          To hasten here, you’ll hint that you have fears,
          That Andrew risks the loss of—­more than ears,
          For I have punishment severe in view,
          Which greatly she must wish I should not do;
          But if an ear-maker, like this, is caught,
          The worst of chastisement is always sought;
          Such horrid things as scarcely can be said: 
          They make the hair to stand upon the head;
          That he’s upon the point of suff’ring straight,
          And only for her presence things await;
          That though she cannot all proceedings stay,
          Perhaps she may some portion take away. 
          Go, bring her instantly, haste quickly, run;
          And, if she comes, I’ll pardon what’s been done.

          Withjoy to Andrew’s house fair Alice went;
          The wife to follow her appeared content;
          Quite out of breath, alone she ran up stairs,
          And, not perceiving him who shared her cares;
          Believed he was imprisoned in a room;
          And while with fear she trembled for his doom;
          The master (having laid aside his arms)
          Now came to compliment the lady’s charms;
          He gave the belle a chair, who looked most nice:—­
          Said he, ingratitude’s the worst of vice;
          To me your husband has been wondrous kind;
          So many services has done I find,
          That, ere you leave this house, I’d wish to make
          A little return, and this you will partake.