iv th’ armies iv Europe.  As cav’lrymen they ar-re unexcelled.  There is on’y wan horse in Japan, but ivry Japanese sojer has larned to ride him.  To see wan iv their magnificent cav’lry rijments goin’ into action mounted on Joko is a sight long to be raymimbered.  Above all, th’ Jap’nese is most to be feared because iv his love iv home an’ his almost akel love iv death.  He is so happy in Japan that we wud rather die somewhere’s else.  Most sojers don’t like to be kilt.  A Jap’nese sojer prefers it.  It was hard to convince th’ nation that they hadn’t lost th’ war with Rooshya because not so many Rooshyans had been kilt as Japs.  Faith we ought to be scared iv thim.  I niver see wan without wondhrin’ whether me cellar is bomb-proof.

“An’ I sigh f’r th’ good old days befure we become what Hogan calls a wurruld power.  In thim days our fav’rite spoort was playin’ solytare, winnin’ money fr’m each other, an’ no wan th’ worse off.  Ivry-body was invious iv us.  We didn’t care f’r th’ big game goin’ on in th’ corner.  Whin it broke up in a row we said:  ‘Gintlemen, gintlemen!’ an’ maybe wint over an’ grabbed somebody’s stake.  But we cudden’t stand it anny longer.  We had to give up our simple little game iv patience an’ cut into th’ other deal.  An’ now, be Hivens, we have no peace iv mind.  Wan hand we have wan partner; another hand he’s again us.  This minyit th’ Jap an’ me ar-re playin’ together an’ I’m tellin’ him what a fine lead that was; th’ next an’ he’s again me an’ askin’ me kindly not to look at his hand.  There ar-re no frinds at cards or wurruld pollyticks.  Th’ deal changes an’ what started as a frindly game iv rob ye’er neighbor winds up with an old ally catchin’ me pullin’ an ace out iv me boot an’ denouncin’ me.”

“Sure thim little fellows wud niver tackle us,” said Mr. Hennessy.  “Th’ likes iv thim!”

“Well,” said Mr. Dooley, “’tis because they ar-re little ye’ve got to be polite to thim.  A big man knows he don’t have to fight, but whin a man is little an’ knows he’s, little an’ is thinkin’ all th’ time he’s little an’ feels that ivrybody else is thinkin’ he’s little, look out f’r him.”

THE HAGUE CONFERENCE

“I see,” said Mr. Hennessy, “we’re goin’ to sind th’ navy to th’ Passyfic.”

“I can’t tell,” said Mr. Dooley, “whether th’ navy is goin’ to spend th’ rest iv its days protectin’ our possessions in th’ Oryent or whether it is to remain in th’ neighborhood iv Barnstable makin’ th’ glaziers iv New England rich beyond th’ dhreams iv New England avarice, which ar-re hopeful dhreams.  Th’ cabinet is divided, th’ Sicrety iv th’ Navy is divided, th’ Prisidint is divided an’ th’ press is divided.  Wan great iditor, fr’m his post iv danger in Paris, has ordhered th’ navy to report at San Francisco at four eight next Thursday.  Another great iditor livin’ in Germany has warned it that it will do so at its peril.  Nawthin’ is so fine as to see a great modhern journalist unbend fr’m his mighty task iv selectin’ fr’m a bunch iv phottygrafts th’ prettiest cook iv Flatbush or engineerin’ with his great furrowed brain th’ Topsy Fizzle compytition to trifle with some light warm-weather subjict like internaytional law or war.  But men such as these can do annything.