“‘I wish to ask this witness wan question,’ says Gin’ral Merceer.  ’Was it th’ Robin shell or th’ day befure?’

“‘My answer to that,’ says th’ witness, ‘is decidedly, Who?’

“‘Thin,’ says Gin’ral Merceer, ’all I can say is, this wretch’s tistimony is all a pack iv lies.’

“‘Hol’ on there!’ calls a voice from th’ aujience.

“‘What d’ye want?’ says th’ prisident.

“‘I’m th’ corryspondint iv th’ Georgia Daily Lyncher, an’ I can’t undherstand a wurrud ye say.  I’ve lost me dictionary.  Th’ people iv th’ State iv Georgia mus’ not be deprived iv their information about th’ scand’lous conduct iv this infamious coort.’

“‘Thrue,’ says th’ prisident.  ’Fr-rance ’d soon perish if Georgia shud thransfer its intherest fr’m Fr-rinch coorts to its own sacred timples iv justice.  Perhaps some confrere ‘ll lind th’ distinguished gazabo a copy iv his Ollendorff.  Manewhile’—­

“‘Mong prisident,’ says a white-faced polisman, ’Judge Crazy the Boore’—­

“‘Gr-reat hivins!’ cried th’ prisident.  ‘Thin th’ quarantine at Oporto is a farce.’  An’ he plunged into th’ seething mass iv handwritin’ experts an’ ex-prisidents iv th’ raypublic in th’ coort-yard below.”

THE DREYFUS CASE.

V.

“An’ I was thinking Hinnissy” (Mr. Dooley said in conclusion), “as I set in that there coort, surrounded be me fellow-journalists, spies, perjurers, an’ other statesmen, that I’d give four dollars if th’ prisident iv th’ coort ’d call out, ‘Moosoo Dooley, take th’ stand.’

“‘Here,’ says I; an’ I’d thread me way with dignity through th’ Fr-rinch gin’rals an’ ministers on th’ flure, an’ give me hand to th’ prisident to kiss.  If he went anny further, I’d break his head.  No man ‘ll kiss me, Hinnissy, an’ live.  What’s that ye say?  He wudden’t want to?  Well, niver mind.

“‘Here,’ says I, ‘mong colonel, what d’ye want with me?’

“‘What d’ye know about this case, mong bar-tinder.’

“‘Nawthin’,’ says I.  ’But I know as much as annywan else.  I know more thin most iv thim la-ads down below; f’r I can’t undherstand a wurrud ye say, so I’m onable,’ I says, ’f’r to make mistakes.  I won’t give anny tistimony, because ’twud be out iv place in this sacred timple devoted to th’ practice iv orathry,’ I says; ’but I can make as good a speech as annywan, an’ here goes.’

“Gin’ral Merceer—­’May I ask this polluted witness wan question?’

“Th’ Witness.—­’Set down, ye infamious ol’ polthroon!’ says I.  ’Set down an’ pondher ye’er sins,’ I says.  ’If ye had ye’er dues, ye’d be cooprin’ a bar’l in th’ pinitinchry.  If ye’re afraid iv th’ Impror Willum, be hivins, ye want to be afraid iv th’ Impror Dooley; f’r he’s Dutch, an’ I ain’t.  I’ll raysume me speech.  Lady an’ Gintlemen, prisoner at th’ bar, freeman that ought to be there, lawyers, gin’rals, ex-prisidents, former