Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 221 pages of information about Mr. Dooley.

Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 221 pages of information about Mr. Dooley.

“Th’ last place on th’ list is Sicrety iv Agriculture.  A good, lively business man that was born in th’ First Ward an’ moved to th’ Twinty-foorth after th’ fire is best suited to this office.  Thin he’ll have no prejudices against sindin’ a farmer cactus seeds whin he’s on’y lookin’ f’r wheat, an’ he will have a proper understandin’ iv th’ importance iv an’ early Agricultural Bureau rayport to th’ bucket-shops.

“No Prisident can go far away that follows Cleveland’s cabinet appintmints, although it may be hard f’r Mack, bein’ new at th’ business, to select th’ right man f’r th’ wrong place.  But I’m sure he’ll be advised be his frinds, an’ fr’m th’ lists iv candydates I’ve seen he’ll have no throuble in findin’ timber.”

OLD AGE.

“Skatin’,” said Mr. Dooley, “was intinded f’r th’ young an’ gay.  ’Tis not f’r th’ likes iv me, now that age has crept into me bones an’ whitened th’ head iv me.  Divvle take th’ rheumatics!  An’ to think iv me twinty years ago cuttin’ capers like a bally dancer, whin th’ Desplaines backed up an’ th’ pee-raires was covered with ice fr’m th’ mills to Riverside.  Manny’s th’ time I done th’ thrick, Jawn, me an’ th’ others; but now I break me back broachin’ a kag iv beer, an’ th’ height iv me daily exercise is to wind th’ clock befure turnin’ in, an’ count up th’ cash.”

“You haven’t been trying to skate?” Mr. McKenna asked in tones of alarm.

“Not me,” said Mr. Dooley.  “Not me, but Hinnissy have.  Hinnissy, th’ gay young man; Hinnissy, th’ high-hearted, divvle-may-care sphread-th’-light,—­Hinnissy’s been skatin’ again.  May th’ Lord give that man sinse befure he dies!  An’ he needs it right away.  He ain’t got long to live, if me cousin, Misther Justice Dooley, don’t appoint a garjeen f’r him.

“I had no more thought whin I wint over with him that th’ silly goat ‘d thry his pranks thin I have iv flyin’ over this here bar mesilf.  Hinnissy is—­let me see how ol’ Hinnissy is.  He was a good foot taller thin me th’ St. John’s night whin th’ comet was in th’ sky.  Let me see, let me see!  Jawn Dorgan was marrid to th’ widdy Casey (her that was Dora O’Brien) in th’ spring iv fifty-two, an’ Mike Callahan wint to Austhreelia in th’ winter iv sixty.  Hinnissy’s oldest brother was too old to inlist in th’ army.  Six an’ thirty is thirty-six.  Twict thirty-six is sivinty-two, less eight is sixty-four, an’ nine, carry wan,—­let me see.  Well, Hinnissy is ol’ enough to know betther.

“We wint to th’ pond together, an’ passed th’ time iv day with our frinds an’ watched th’ boys an’ girls playin’ shinny an’ sky-larkin’ hand in hand.  They come separate, Jawn; but they go home together, thim young wans.  I see be his face Spoort Hinnissy was growin’ excited.  ‘Sure,’ says he, ‘there’s nawthin’ like it,’ he says.  ‘Martin,’ he says, ‘I’ll challenge ye to race,’ he says.  ‘So ye will,’ says I.  ‘So ye will,’ I says.  ‘Will ye do it?’ says he.  ‘Hinnissy,’ says I, ‘come home,’ I says, ‘an’ don’t disgrace ye’er gray hairs befure th’ whole parish,’ says I.  ‘I’ll have ye to know,’ says he, ’that ’tis not long since I cud cut a double eight with anny wan in Bridgeport,’ he says.

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Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.