Christmas catastrophes. There's no other way to describe them. Some people most likely remember the gift giving or receiving. Many memories likely involved family relations-you know, the bickering in-laws, the kids running all over the place, mothers and mothers-in-law with too much advice for the agitated cook. But most catastrophes happened in the kitchen, or were otherwise related to a dinner that was supposed to be special. We've all heard about the inexperienced cooks who tried to roast turkeys that were frozen solid (yes that has happened in my family) maybe in time for next Christmas. Everybody needs a sense of humor to cope with the holidays.

I couldn't have been more than 10 at the time, but I'll never forget this Christmas...about 3 days before, (Friday) school finally let out, after I swore that the clock was moving backwards. Dressed like that kid in the Christmas movie, where...