“Hang it, Colonel, you just said we never punish anybody for villainous practices.”

“But good God we try them, don’t we!  Is it nothing to show a disposition to sift things and bring people to a strict account?  I tell you it has its effect.”

“Oh, bother the effect!—­What is it they do do?  How do they proceed?  You know perfectly well—­and it is all bosh, too.  Come, now, how do they proceed?”

“Why they proceed right and regular—­and it ain’t bosh, Washington, it ain’t bosh.  They appoint a committee to investigate, and that committee hears evidence three weeks, and all the witnesses on one side swear that the accused took money or stock or something for his vote.  Then the accused stands up and testifies that he may have done it, but he was receiving and handling a good deal of money at the time and he doesn’t remember this particular circumstance—­at least with sufficient distinctness to enable him to grasp it tangibly.  So of course the thing is not proven—­and that is what they say in the verdict.  They don’t acquit, they don’t condemn.  They just say, ‘Charge not proven.’  It leaves the accused is a kind of a shaky condition before the country, it purifies Congress, it satisfies everybody, and it doesn’t seriously hurt anybody.  It has taken a long time to perfect our system, but it is the most admirable in the world, now.”

“So one of those long stupid investigations always turns out in that lame silly way.  Yes, you are correct.  I thought maybe you viewed the matter differently from other people.  Do you think a Congress of ours could convict the devil of anything if he were a member?”

“My dear boy, don’t let these damaging delays prejudice you against Congress.  Don’t use such strong language; you talk like a newspaper.  Congress has inflicted frightful punishments on its members—­now you know that.  When they tried Mr. Fairoaks, and a cloud of witnesses proved him to be—­well, you know what they proved him to be—­and his own testimony and his own confessions gave him the same character, what did Congress do then?—­come!”

“Well, what did Congress do?”

“You know what Congress did, Washington.  Congress intimated plainly enough, that they considered him almost a stain upon their body; and without waiting ten days, hardly, to think the thing over, the rose up and hurled at him a resolution declaring that they disapproved of his conduct!  Now you know that, Washington.”

“It was a terrific thing—­there is no denying that.  If he had been proven guilty of theft, arson, licentiousness, infanticide, and defiling graves, I believe they would have suspended him for two days.”

“You can depend on it, Washington.  Congress is vindictive, Congress is savage, sir, when it gets waked up once.  It will go to any length to vindicate its honor at such a time.”

“Ah well, we have talked the morning through, just as usual in these tiresome days of waiting, and we have reached the same old result; that is to say, we are no better off than when we began.  The land bill is just as far away as ever, and the trial is closer at hand.  Let’s give up everything and die.”