Paradise?” asked one (for they had no idea where they were).  “Or if this be Purgatory,” said another, “I have a dispensation under the Pope’s own signet to pass straight on to Paradise, without a moment’s delay anywhere; wherefore show us the way, or by the Pope’s toe, we will have him punish you.”  “Ha ha,” laughed a thousand demons, and Lucifer himself opened his tusked jaws some half a yard in scornful laughter.  At which the new comers were sore amazed.  “Look ye,” said one, “if we have missed our way in the dark, we will pay for guidance.”  “Ha ha,” cried Lucifer, “ye shall not hence till ye have paid the uttermost farthing.”  But on searching them it was found that they had one and all left their trouser behind.  “Ye went past Paradise on the left above those mountains there,” said the Evil One, “and although it is easy to descend hither, to return is next to impossible, so dark and intricate is the country, so many steep ascents of flaming iron are there on the way, and huge imminent rocks, overhanging glaciers of insurmountable ice, and here and there, a headlong cataract, all too difficult to clamber over, if ye have not nails as long as a devil’s.  Ho there! convey these blockheads to our paradise to their companions.”  Just then I heard voices drawing nigh, swearing and cursing fearfully.  “Fiends’ blood! a myriad devils seize me if ever I go!” and immediately the noisy crew were cast down before the court.  “There,” exclaimed the steed that bore them, “there is fuel with the best in hell.”  “What are they?” asked Lucifer.  “Past masters in the gentle art of swearing and cursing,” said he, “who knew the language of hell as well as we do.”  “A lie to your face, i’ the devil’s name!” cried one.  “Sirrah! wilt take my name in vain?” said the Evil One.  “Ho, seize them and hook them by their tongues, to that burning precipice, and be at hand to serve them; if on one devil they call, or on a thousand, they shall have their fill.”

When these had departed, a gigantic fiend calls loudly for clearing the bar, and throws down thereat a man who was a load in himself.  “What hast thou there?” demanded Lucifer.  “An innkeeper,” answered he.  “What?” cried the King, “only one innkeeper, when they used to come by the thousands.  Hast thou, sirrah, not been out for ten years, and dost bring hither but one, and such an one as would serve us in the world better than thee, foul lazy hound!” “You are too just to condemn me before hearing me,” pleaded he, “he was the only one laid to my charge, and now I am rid of him.  But I despatched you from his house many an idler who drank his family’s maintenance, and now and then a dicer, and card player, a fine swearer, an innocent glutton, a negligent tapster and a maid, harsh in the kitchen, but never a kinder abed or in the cellar.”  “Although this fellow deserves to be with the flatterers beneath,” said the Evil One, “natheless take him to his comrades in the cell of the liquid-poisoners, among