yolk:  On this Trimalchio stopped his play for a while, and requiring the like for himself, proclaim’d, if any of us would have any more metheglin, he was at liberty to take it; when of a sudden the musick gave the sign, and the first course was scrabled away by a company of singers and dancers; but in the rustle it happening that a dish fell on the door, a boy took it up, and Trimalchio taking notice of it, pluck’d him by the ears, and commanded him to throw it down again; on which the groom of the chamber came with a broom and swept away the silver dish, with whatsoever else had fallen from the table.

When presently came in two long-hair’d blacks, with small leather bottles, such as with which they strew sand on the stage, and gave us wine to wash our hands, but no one offered us water.  We all admiring the finicalness of the entertainment, “Mars,” said he, “is a lover of justice, and therefore let every one have a table to himself, for having more elbow-room, these nasty stinking boys will be less troublesome to us”; and thereupon large double-eared vessels of glass close plaistered over, were brought up with labels about their necks, upon which was this inscription: 

OPIMIAN MUSCADINE OF AN HUNDRED YEARS OLD.

While we were reading the titles, Trimalchio clapped his hands, and “Alas, alas,” said he, “that wine should live longer than man!  Wine is life, and we’ll try if it has held good ever since the consulship of Lucius Opimius, or not.  ’Tis right Opimian, and therefore make ready; I brought not out so good yesterday, yet there were persons of better quality sup’d with me.”

We drank and admired every thing, when in came a servant with a silver puppet, so jointed and put together that it turned every way; and being more than once thrown upon the table, cast it self into several figures; on which Trimalchio came out with his poetry: 

    Unhappy mortals, on how fine a thread
    Our lives depend!  How like this puppet man,
    Shall we alas! be all when we are dead! 
    Therefore let’s live merrily while we can.

The applause we gave him, was followed with a service, but respecting the place not so considerable as might have been expected:  However, the novelty of the thing drew every man’s eye upon it; it was a large charger, with the twelve signs round it; upon every one of which the master cook had laid somewhat or other suitable to the sign.  Upon Aries, chick-pease, (a pulse not unlike a ram’s head); upon Taurus a piece of beef; upon Gemini a pair of pendulums and kidneys; upon Cancer a coronet; upon Leo an African figg; upon Virgo a well-grown boy; upon Libra a pair of scales, in one of which was a tart, in the other a custard; upon Scorpio a pilchard; upon Sagittary a grey-hound; upon Capricorn a lobster; upon Aquarius a goose; upon Pisces two mullets; and in the middle a plat of herbs, cut out like a green turf, and over them a honey-comb.  During this, a lesser black carry’d about bread in a silver oven, and with a hideous voice, forced a bawdy song from a buffoon that stunk like assa foetida.