Being in the mean time got ready, we walk’d we knew not where, or rather, having a mind to divert us, struck into a tennis-court, where we saw an old bald-pated fellow in a carnation-colour’d coat, playing at ball with a company of boys, nor was it so much the boys, tho’ it was worth our while, that engaged us to be lookers on as the master of the house himself in pumps, who altogether tossed the ball, and never struck it after it once came to the ground, but had a servant by him, with a bag full of them, ard enough for all that play’d.

We observed also some new things; for in the gallery stood two eunuchs, one of whom held a silver chamber-pot, the other counted the balls, not those they kept tossing, but such as fell to the ground.  While we admir’d the humour, one Menelaus came up to us, and told us we were come where we must set up for the night, and we had seen the beginning of our entertainment.  As he was yet talking, Trimalchio snapp’d his fingers, at which sign the eunuch held the chamber-pot to him as he was playing; then calling for water, he dipped the tips of his fingers in it, and dry’d them on the boys head.  ’Twould be too long to recount every thing:  We went into the hot-house, and having sweated a little, into the cold bath; and while Trimalchio was anointed from head to foot with a liquid perfume, and rubb’d clean again, not with linnen but with finest flannen, his three chyrurgeons ply’d the muscadine, but brawling over their cups; Trimalchio said it was his turn to drink; then wrapt in a scarlet mantle, he was laid on a litter born by six servants, with four lacqueys in rich liveries running before him, and by his side a sedan, in which was carried his darling, a stale bleer-eyed catamite, more ill-favoured than his master Trimalchio; who at they went on, kept close to his ear with a flagellet as if he had whispered him, and made him musick all the way.  Wondering, we followed, and, with Agamemnon, came to the gate, on which hung a tablet with this inscription: 

WHAT EVER SERVANT GOES FORTH WITHOUT HIS MASTER’S COMMAND, HE SHALL RECEIVE AN HUNDRED STRIPES.

In the porch stood the porter in a green livery, girt about with a cherry-coloured girdle, garbling of pease in a silver charger; and over head hung a golden cage with a magpye in it, which gave us an All Hail as we entred:  But while I was gaping at these things, I had like to have broken my neck backward, for on the left hand, not far from the porter’s lodge, there was a great dog in a chain painted on the wall, and over him written in capital letters, BEWARE THE DOG.  My companions could not forbear laughing; bur I recollecting my spirits, pursued my design of going to the end of the wall; it was the draught of a market-place where slaves were bought and sold with bills over them:  There was also Trimalchio with a white staff in his hand, and Minerva with a train after her entring Rome:  Then having learnt how to cast accompt, he was made auditor; all exquisitely painted with their proper titles; and at the end of the gallery Mercury lifting him by the chin, and placing him on a judgment-seat.  Fortune stood by him with a cornucopia, and the three fatal sisters winding a golden thread.