Soames silently springs up and makes a long stretch from his end of the table to shake her hand across it.

The general.  Do you find any real happiness in being your own mistress?  Would it not be more generous—­would you not be happier as some one else’s mistress—­

Lesbia.  Boxer!

The general [rising, horrified] No, no, you must know, my dear Lesbia, that I was not using the word in its improper sense.  I am sometimes unfortunate in my choice of expressions; but you know what I mean.  I feel sure you would be happier as my wife.

Lesbia.  I daresay I should, in a frowsy sort of way.  But I prefer my dignity and my independence.  I’m afraid I think this rage for happiness rather vulgar.

The general.  Oh, very well, Lesbia.  I shall not ask you again. [He sits down huffily].

Lesbia.  You will, Boxer; but it will be no use. [She also sits down again and puts her hand almost affectionately on his].  Some day I hope to make a friend of you; and then we shall get on very nicely.

The general [starting up again] Ha!  I think you are hard, Lesbia.  I shall make a fool of myself if I remain here.  Alice:  I shall go into the garden for a while.

Collins [appearing in the tower] I think everything is in order now, maam.

The general [going to him] Oh, by the way, could you oblige me [the rest of the sentence is lost in a whisper].

Collins.  Certainly, General. [He takes out a tobacco pouch and hands it to the General, who takes it and goes into the garden].

Lesbia.  I dont believe theres a man in England who really and truly loves his wife as much as he loves his pipe.

The bishop.  By the way, what has happened to the wedding party?

Sykes.  I dont know.  There wasnt a soul in the church when we were married except the pew opener and the curate who did the job.

Edith.  They had all gone home.

Mrs Bridgenorth.  But the bridesmaids?

Collins.  Me and the beadle have been all over the place in a couple of taxies, maam; and weve collected them all.  They were a good deal disappointed on account of their dresses, and thought it rather irregular; but theyve agreed to come to the breakfast.  The truth is, theyre wild with curiosity to know how it all happened.  The organist held on until the organ was nigh worn out, and himself worse than the organ.  He asked me particularly to tell you, my lord, that he held back Mendelssohn till the very last; but when that was gone he thought he might as well go too.  So he played God Save The King and cleared out the church.  He’s coming to the breakfast to explain.

Leo.  Please remember, Collins, that there is no truth whatever in the rumor that I am separated from my husband, or that there is, or ever has been, anything between me and Mr Hotchkiss.