Project Gutenberg Complete Works of Winston Churchill eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 6,366 pages of information about Project Gutenberg Complete Works of Winston Churchill.

Project Gutenberg Complete Works of Winston Churchill eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 6,366 pages of information about Project Gutenberg Complete Works of Winston Churchill.

“It makes a great deal of difference to me,” she insisted—­and the sound of these words on her own lips was like a summons arousing her from a dream.  The sordidness of her life, its cruel lack of opportunity in contrast with the gifts she felt to be hers, and on which he had dwelt, was swept back into her mind.  Self-pity, dignity, and inherent self-respect struggled against her woman’s desire to give; an inherited racial pride whispered that she was worthy of the best, but because she had lacked the chance, he refrained from offering her what he would have laid at the feet of another woman.

“I’ll give you advantages—­there’s nothing I wouldn’t give you.  Why won’t you come to me?  I’ll take care of you.”

“Do you think I want to be taken care of?” She wheeled on him so swiftly that he started back.  “Is that what you think I want?”

“No, no,” he protested, when he recovered his speech.

“Do you think I’m after—­what you can give me?” she shot at him.  “What you can buy for me?”

To tell the truth, he had not thought anything about it, that was the trouble.  And her question, instead of enlightening him, only added to his confusion and bewilderment.

“I’m always getting in wrong with you,” he told her, pathetically.  “There isn’t anything I’d stop at to make you happy, Janet, that’s what I’m trying to say.  I’d go the limit.”

“Your limit!” she exclaimed.

“What do you mean?” he demanded.  But she had become inarticulate —­cryptic, to him.  He could get nothing more out of her.

“You don’t understand me—­you never will!” she cried, and burst into tears—­tears of rage she tried in vain to control.  The world was black with his ignorance.  She hated herself, she hated him.  Her sobs shook her convulsively, and she scarcely heard him as he walked beside her along the empty road, pleading and clumsily seeking to comfort her.  Once or twice she felt his hand on her shoulders....  And then, unlooked for and unbidden, pity began to invade her.  Absurd to pity him!  She fought against it, but the thought of Ditmar reduced to abjectness gained ground.  After all, he had tried to be generous, he had done his best, he loved her, he needed her—­the words rang in her heart.  After all, he did not realize how could she expect him to realize? and her imagination conjured up the situation in a new perspective.  Her sobs gradually ceased, and presently she stopped in the middle of the road and regarded him.  He seemed utterly miserable, like a hurt child whom she longed to comfort.  But what she said was:—­“I ought to be going home.”

“Not yet!” he begged.  “It’s early.  You say I don’t understand you, Janet—­my God, I wish I did!  It breaks me all up to see you cry like that.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, after a moment.  “I—­I can’t make you understand.  I guess I’m not like anybody else I’m queer—­I can’t help it.  You must let me go, I only make you unhappy.”

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Project Gutenberg Complete Works of Winston Churchill from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.