The following sections of this BookRags Literature Study Guide is offprint from Gale's For Students Series: Presenting Analysis, Context, and Criticism on Commonly Studied Works: Introduction, Author Biography, Plot Summary, Characters, Themes, Style, Historical Context, Critical Overview, Criticism and Critical Essays, Media Adaptations, Topics for Further Study, Compare & Contrast, What Do I Read Next?, For Further Study, and Sources.
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The following sections, if they exist, are offprint from Beacham's Encyclopedia of Popular Fiction: "Social Concerns", "Thematic Overview", "Techniques", "Literary Precedents", "Key Questions", "Related Titles", "Adaptations", "Related Web Sites". (c)1994-2005, by Walton Beacham.
The following sections, if they exist, are offprint from Beacham's Guide to Literature for Young Adults: "About the Author", "Overview", "Setting", "Literary Qualities", "Social Sensitivity", "Topics for Discussion", "Ideas for Reports and Papers". (c)1994-2005, by Walton Beacham.
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Table of Contents | |
Section | Page |
Start of eBook | 1 |
W. C. GREEN | 1 |
ADDRESSING ENVELOPES. | 1 |
AT HOMES. | 7 |
BACHELORS’ TEAS OR AFTERNOON RECEPTIONS. | 8 |
BALLS FOR DEBUTANTE. | 10 |
BOWING | 17 |
CARDS. | 28 |
CARRIAGES. | 34 |
CHRISTENING. | 36 |
CLUB. | 38 |
CONDOLENCE. | 39 |
DANCES. | 42 |
DANCING. | 45 |
DINNER DANCE. | 55 |
DRESS. | 55 |
DRESS—WOMEN. | 56 |
ENGAGEMENT. | 58 |
EVENING DRESS. | 59 |
FATHER OF BRIDE. | 60 |
FEES. | 61 |
GARDEN PARTIES. | 65 |
GIFTS. | 66 |
GLOVES. | 67 |
GUESTS. | 71 |
HAT. | 71 |
HOST. | 72 |
HOURS. | 73 |
LETTERS. | 83 |
MARQUIS. | 86 |
MEN. | 87 |
MUSIC. | 92 |
NEW ACQUAINTANCES. | 93 |
PRECEDENCE. | 95 |
97 | |
REFRESHMENTS. | 98 |
RIDING. | 99 |
SECRETARY OF INTERIOR. SEE INTERIOR, SECRETARY OF. | 100 |
SECRETARY OF WAR. SEE WAR, SECRETARY OF. | 100 |
SHAKING HANDS. | 101 |
SON. | 103 |
SOUVENIRS. | 104 |
STATIONERY. | 105 |
STREET-CARS AND OTHER CONVEYANCES. | 105 |
TEAS. | 111 |
THEATRE AND OPERA PARTIES. | 112 |
TRAVELING. | 115 |
VALET. | 118 |
VISCOUNT. | 119 |
WEDDING. | 119 |
Information about Project Gutenberg (one page) | 132 |
(Three Pages) | 133 |
The book of good manners is a complete and authentic authority on every single phase of social usage as practiced in America. The author has compiled the matter in dictionary form in order to give the reader the desired information as briefly and clearly as possible, and with the least possible effort in searching through the pages.
Accepting or declining invitations.
See invitations,
accepting
or declining.
Accidents. See street etiquette—men—accidents.
Address. The address of a person may be
stamped
on the stationery.
If the address
is stamped, it is not customary
to stamp
also the crest or monogram.
Men. A man should be addressed
as Mr. James
J, Wilson,
or James J. Wilson, Esq. Either
the Mr.
or the Esq. may be used, but not
the two
together.
The title
belonging to a man should be
given.
It is not customary to use Mr. or
Esq. when
Jr. or Sr. is used.
Women. A woman’s name should
always have
the Miss
or Mrs.
A woman
should never be given her husband’s
official
title, as Mrs. Judge Wilson.
If a woman has a title of her own, she should be addressed as Dr. Minnie Wilson, when the letter is a professional one. If a social letter, this should be Miss Minnie Wilson, or Mrs. Minnie Wilson.
Addressing persons. Young girls should be spoken
of as Minnie
Wilson, and not as Miss Minnie,
but are
personally addressed as Miss Minnie.
Only the
greatest intimacy warrants a man
in addressing
a young girl as Minnie.
Parents
should introduce their daughter
as My daughter
Minnie, but should speak
of them
before servants as Miss Minnie.
A married
woman should be spoken of as
Mrs. Agnes
Wilson, and personally addressed
as Mrs.
Wilson.
Addressing and signing letters.
All answers to
invitations
should be addressed to the party
issuing
them.
Letters to a woman who is a comparative stranger may begin My dear Mrs. Wilson, and to a closer acquaintance Dear Mrs. Wilson.
Letters to a man who is a comparative stranger may begin My dear Mr. Wilson, and to a closer acquaintance Dear Mr. Wilson.
For forms
of addressing persons with titles,
as Mayor,
see under that title—as, Mayor,
Governor.
The letters
may end, Sincerely yours, or
Very truly
yours, or I remain yours with
kindest
regards.
The signature
of a man should be John J.
Wilson or
J. Jones Wilson.
An unmarried woman should sign social letters as Minnie Wilson, and a business letter as Miss Minnie Wilson. A married woman should sign a social letter as Agnes Wilson. In signing a business letter, a married woman may either sign her name Mrs. Agnes Wilson, or, preferably,
Agnes Wilson
(Mrs. John
Wilson)
Afternoon calls. These should be made
between
three and
half-past five, and if possible on
regular
at home days.
In making
an afternoon call a man should
wear the
regulation afternoon dress.
Dress—men. Afternoon
dress consists of a
double-breasted
frock coat of dark material,
and waistcoat,
either single or double-
breasted,
of same, or of some fancy material
of late
design. The trousers should be of
light color,
avoiding of course extremes in
patterns.
White or delicate color linen
shirts should
be worn, patent leather shoes, silk hat and
undressed kid gloves of dark color.
Afternoon dress is worn at weddings, afternoon teas, receptions, garden parties, luncheons, church funerals, and at all afternoon functions.
See also evening dress—men.
Morning
dress—men.
Afternoon receptions. See afternoon
teas.
Given by bachelors, See
bachelors’ teas.
Afternoon teas (formal). These
are very successful
as a rule,
due perhaps to their small expense
and few
exactions, and are given with
many purposes:
to introduce young women
into society,
to allow a hostess to entertain a
number of
her friends, to honor some woman
of note,
etc.
A formal
afternoon tea is one for which
cards have
been issued, naming set date.
Awnings and carpet should be provided from curb to house. A man should be stationed at the curb to open carriage doors and call them when the guests leave, and another African Teas man should be in attendance at the front door to open it the moment a guest appears at the top step and to direct him to the dressing-room.
A policeman
should be detailed for the occasion
to keep
back the onlookers, and should
receive
a small fee for his services.
At the door of the drawing-room a man should ask the name of each guest, which he announces as the latter enters. The hostess and those receiving with her should be just within the door to receive the guests.
Cards. Each guest should leave
a card in the
tray in
the hall.
A woman
may leave the cards of the men
of her family
who have been unable to attend.
Cards should be sent by mail or messenger by those invited but unable to be present, and should be timed so that they reach the house during the function.
A husband and wife each send a card when the invitation is issued in the name of the hostess only, and two cards each when issued in the name of hostess and her daughter. If issued in the name of both husband and wife, a husband should send two and his wife should send one card.
Daughters. The daughters who
have passed
the debutante
age usually stand for an hour
beside their
mother to receive the guests,
and afterward
mingle with the guests to help
to make
the function a success.
Debutante. When a tea is given
in honor of
a debutante,
she stands beside the hostess
(usually
her mother), and each guest is introduced
to her.
Flowers should be liberally
provided,
and friends may contribute on such
an occasion.
The host
and the men all wear the regulation
afternoon
dress.
Women wear
costumes appropriate to the
afternoon,
more elegant in proportion to the
elaborateness
of the function.
Guests may
suit their convenience in
arriving,
provided they do not come at the
opening
hour nor at the very end.
After leaving their wraps in the dressing- rooms, guests enter the drawing-room, leaving their cards in the tray in the hall, and then giving their names to the man at the door, who announces them.
On entering
the room, the women precede
the men.
After greeting
the hostess and being introduced
to those
receiving with her, the guests
move into
the middle of the room.
Guests go
the dining-room when they
wish without
greeting the hostess.
It is not expected that guests at a large reception will stay all the afternoon. Twenty minutes is long enough. It is not necessary to bid the hostess good-bye when leaving. If guests take leave of host and hostess, they should shake hands.
In the dining-room
the men, assisted by
the waiters,
help the women.
When the reception is a small formal one, the guests may stay a longer time, and usually it is better to take leave of the hostess, unless she is much occupied at the time.
Host. Except when a newly married
couple
give a house-warming
or a reception, the host
does not
stand beside his wife, but spends
the time
in making introductions, and doing
his best
to make the function a success.
When some married woman or woman guest of honor assists his wife to receive, he should at the proper moment escort her to the dining-room.
Hostess. The hostess and those
receiving with
her should
be just within the door, ready to
receive
each guest as announced.
The hostess
shakes hands with each guest,
and introduces
them to those receiving with
her.
Friends assisting a hostess to entertain are generally permitted to invite a few of their own friends, and their cards are sent with those of the hostess. A pretty feature is the presence of a number of young women here and there in the rooms to assist in receiving the guests. Music is always appropriate.
Hours. The hours are from 4 to 7 P.M.
Introductions. The hostess
should introduce
her guests to those receiving with her.
See also introduction.
Invitations. Engraved invitations
are sent a
week or ten days in advance, by mail or messenger.
They are usually issued in the
name of the
hostess only, though they may be issued in
the name of both husband and wife.
In place of the visiting-card,
an “At
Home” card may be used, or cards specially
engraved for the purpose.
When cards
are sent to a married couple,
the cards
are addressed to both husband and
wife.
Invitations are sent in two envelopes-the inner one unsealed and bearing the name of the guest, and the outer one sealed, with, the street address.
Invitations, answering.
It is not necessary
to accept
or decline these invitations, as the
guest accepts
by his presence. If unable to
do so, he
should send by mail or messenger
a visiting-card,
to reach the hostess during
the ceremony.
When the invitation has been issued in the name of the hostess only, a husband and wife each send a card, and if in the name of hostess and her daughter, each should send two cards. If the invitation has been issued in the name of the husband and wife, the wife should send one and a husband two cards.
If the woman
in the family is the only one
present
at the function, she can leave cards
for the
rest of the family.
Men. Both the host and men wear
the regulation
afternoon
dress, consisting of the long
frock coat
with single or double-breasted
waistcoat
to match, or of some fancy cloth,
and gray
trousers. White linen, a light tie,
a silk hat,
gray gloves, and patent leather
shoes complete
the costume.
The overcoat, hat, and cane are left in the dressing-room, and the guest removes one or both gloves as he pleases—remembering that he must offer his ungloved right hand to the hostess.
Shaking hands. Guests on
being presented to
the hostess
should shake hands. If guest
takes leave
of hostess, they should shake
hands.
If the hostess is surrounded by
guests,
a pleasant nod of farewell is admissible.
Women. Women leave cards of
their male relatives
as well
as their own, even though their
names may
be announced upon entering.
Guests leave
their cards in a receptacle provided
for the
purpose, or give them to the
servant
at the door.
Women wear
a costume appropriate for
the afternoon,
and keep their hats and
gloves on.
Afternoon teas (informal). An
afternoon tea is a
simple entertainment.
Refreshments are
generally
served to the guests. An innovation
lately introduced
has become quite popular
—namely,
young women, invited for
the purpose,
wait upon the guests, bringing
in one dainty
at a time.
An afternoon tea is called a
formal afternoon
tea when engraved cards have been
issued, naming set date.
Cards. Guests should leave
cards in the hall, or
hand them to the servant. Women may
leave the cards of the men of her family.
Those unable to attend should send card the
same afternoon by mail or messenger.
See also afternoon teas (Formal)-Cards.
Dress. Both men and women wear afternoon dress.
Guests. All guests, both
men and women, wear
afternoon dress.
Guests may suit their convenience in arriving or departing—provided they do not come at the opening hour, nor stay to the last moment.
After the guests have left their wraps in the dressing-rooms, they leave their cards in the tray in the hall and enter the drawing- room, the women preceding the men.
After greeting
the hostess and being introduced
to those
assisting her, the guests quietly move
away and
mingle with the rest.
Each guest goes to the dining-room when he pleases and leaves when he wishes. It is not necessary upon departure to shake hands with the hostess at a large reception, though it is better to do so at a small affair.
It is not
necessary for a guest to stay the
entire evening;
twenty minutes is sufficient.
Host. If present, he does not receive
with his
wife.
It is not essential that he be present
on such
an occasion.
Hostess. The hostess wears full
dress. Daughters
may assist,
or young women may be asked to do so.
Hours. From four to seven.
Invitations. For an afternoon
tea a visiting-
card may
be used with the hour and date
written
or engraved on it. They may be sent
by mail
or messenger.
The invitation need not be acknowledged.
Afternoon wedding receptions are conducted
the
same as
Wedding Receptions, which see.
Agriculture, Secretary of—how
addressed. An
official
letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have sir,
the honor
to remain your most obedient servant.
A social letter begins:
My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: I have the honor to remain most
sincerely
yours.
The address on the envelope
is: Hon. John
J. Wilson, Secretary of Agriculture.
Aisle procession.
See
wedding procession.
Anglican church archbishop.
See
archbishop.
Anglican church Bishop.
See
Bishop.
Anniversaries—wedding. These are as follows:
First year...................Paper
Fifth year.................Wooden
Tenth year ..................Tin
Twelfth year.............Leather
Fifteenth year ..........Crystal
Twentieth year.............China
Twenty-fifth year.........Silver
Thirtieth year ............Ivory
Fortieth year.............Woolen
Forty-fifth year............Silk
Fiftieth year............ Golden
Seventy-fifth year...... Diamond
Less attention is now paid than formerly to all those before the silver wedding. For specific information, see silver wedding, tin wedding, etc.
Announcement—engagement.
See
engagement public announcement.
Announcing guests—balls.
The hostess decides
whether
or not the guests are to be announced.
At public
balls it is customary.
Answering invitations.
See
under functions, as
dinners,
invitations, etc.
Apples should be pared, cut into small pieces,
and
eaten with
finders or forks.
Archbishop of Anglican church—how
addressed.
An official
letter begins: My Lord Archbishop,
may it please
your Grace, and ends:
I remain,
My Lord Archbishop, your Grace’s
most obedient
servant.
A social
letter begins: My dear Lord
Archbishop,
and ends: I have the honor to remain,
my dear
Lord Archbishop.
The address
on the envelop is: The Most
Reverend,
His Grace the Archbishop of Kent.
Archbishop of Roman Catholic church—how
addressed.
An official
or social letter begins:
Most Reverend
and Dear Sir, and ends: I
have the
honor to remain your humble servant.
The address
on the envelope is: The Most
Reverend
John J. Wilson, Archbishop of Kent.
Artichokes are eaten with the fingers, taking
off leaf
by leaf
and dipping into the sauce. The
solid portion
is broken up and eaten with a
fork.
Asparagus. The stalks may be taken between
the
finger and
the thumb, if they are not too
long, or
the green end may be cut off and
eaten with
a fork, scraping off with the
knife what
is desired from the remaining
part.
Afternoon at homes.
The days for receiving
are engraved
in the lower left hand
corner of
the card, with hours specified if one
wishes.
No changes should be made in these hours by the hostess unless for exceptional reasons, and she should always be present at the time set.
Unless very
intimate, the call should be
made only
on the specified days.
Bachelors. It is not customary for
a bachelor
to use “At
Home” cards as a woman does,
nor to invite
his friends by writing a date
and Music
at four on his calling-cards in
place of
an invitation.
Dress. In the afternoon the caller
should wear
afternoon
dress, and in the evening evening
dress.
Acknowledging invitations. Invitations
to
an ordinary
at home need no acknowledgment.
Invitations. Cards for an “At
Home” are engraved
with the
hour for beginning the
entertainment—as,
Chocolate at 4.30 o’clock.
The invitations
to a formal “At Home”
should be
sent in two envelopes, but to an
ordinary
“At Home” in one envelope. For
informal
affairs the hour may be written on
an ordinary
“At Home” card.
Bachelors’ dinners. They follow the usual
custom
of formal
dinners, and may be as elaborate as
desired.
Women may be invited. Such
dinners
are often given for men only.
Calls. Women do not call upon
a bachelor
after attending
a dinner given by him.
Chaperone. If women are present,
a married
woman as
chaperone is indispensable, and
her husband
must also be invited. The host
should call
upon the chaperone and personally
request
the favor.
The chaperone is taken into dinner by the host, unless the latter takes in the woman in whose honor the dinner may be given. In the latter case, the chaperone is seated at the host’s left. She gives the signal for the women to leave the dining-room.
All guests
should be introduced to the
chaperone,
and she should be called upon
after a
short time by the host.
Dress. All guests wear evening dress.
Host. The host should call upon the
chaperone
within a
few days after the dinner.
If men only are present, he either precedes or follows the guests into the dining-room, and if he has given the dinner in honor of some man, he has the latter seated at his right. His duties are the same as the host at dinners.
Invitations. These are usually
given in brief
notes, but
may be engraved, and are similar
to the regular
invitations to dinners, and are
treated
accordingly.
Men. The men wear evening dress,
and follow
the same
etiquette as at other dinners.
Women. The women wear evening
dress, and
follow the
same etiquette as at all dinners,
except that
no calls are made by them afterward
upon the
host.
Bachelor’s farewell dinner.
If the groom wishes,
he may give
a farewell dinner a few evenings
before the
wedding to his best man, ushers,
and a few
intimate friends. He sits at the
head of
the table and the best man opposite,
and on this
occasion he may give scarf-pins,
link cuff-buttons—or
neckties and gloves, if
he wishes—to
the best man and ushers.
Bachelors’ luncheons. These are
conducted like
bachelor’s
dinners, which see. The one difference
is that,
should the luncheon be given
before 6
P.M., afternoon dress should be worn.
Bachelors’ opera parties.
See theatre and opera
parties
given by men.
Bachelors’ suppers. These are
conducted the same
as bachelor’s
dinners, which see.
Chaperones. If women are present,
a married
chaperone
is indispensable, who should be
the first
person invited by personal call.
The chaperone
at a small affair pours the
tea, and
at a large one she receives with the
host, and
each guest is presented to her.
The host
conducts the chaperone to her
carriage,
and also any other women who may
have assisted
her.
Dress. The hosts and guests wear
afternoon
dress.
Invitations. These maybe oral, brief
notes, or,
for a large
affair, engraved, and should be
sent from
three days to a week in advance.
Host. The host should greet his guests
at the
door, shaking
hands with each one, and introducing
to the chaperone
those not known
to her.
He introduces guests who are strangers to each other, bids them adieu, accompanies the women to the door, and escorts the chaperone to her carriage, and if she has come alone without one, may very properly escort her home.
If at a large reception several
women have
helped him entertain, he should thank them
and see them to their carriages.
He will, of course, see that there is provided
a dressing-room for women with a maid to
wait upon them, and that the rooms are in
good order, well furnished with flowers, and
that the refreshments are attended to.
See also invitations.
Men. Afternoon dress is worn.
Women. The invitations, engraved
or oral,
should be promptly acknowledged.
Women wear dress customary at afternoon teas, and on their entrance should greet the host. Upon departing they take leave of him, though this is not necessary if the reception be a large one.
If a young
woman knows that a chaperone
is present,
she need not have her own chaperone
accompany
her.
If the chaperone
leaves early, she should do
likewise.
Bachelors’ theatre party. See theatre
and opera
parties
given by men.
Badges—balls (public).
It is customary for men
and women
on the committees to wear on the
left side
of the breast ornamental badges,
embroidered
with the official position of the
wearer.
Baggage. If a man is traveling with a woman,
he
should see
to the checking and care of her
baggage.
See
also traveling.
Wedding trip. The
best man should, some
time before the wedding, see that the baggage
of the bridal couple has been checked, and
the checks given to the groom.
See also best man.
Balls. A ball is an evening function, beginning
at
a late hour,
devoted wholly to dancing. The
costumes
are more elaborate, the supper arrangements
more extensive,
and the floral
decorations
more lavish than at a dance.
Accepting invitation to
dance. While a
young woman may accept or decline any invitation
to dance, it is considered an act of discourtesy
to refuse one man for a dance and
to accept an invitation thereafter for the
same dance from another.
Announcing guests. The
hostess decides
whether
or not the guests are to be announced.
At public
balls it is customary.
Answering invitations.
These should be answered
immediately,
and if declined, the
ticket should
be returned.
Arriving at. There is no
set rule when guests
should arrive.
In the city, guests should arrive anywhere between eleven and twelve, and in the country, fifteen minutes after the hour set in the invitation.
Asking women to dance.
A man asks for
the privilege
of a dance either with the
daughter
of the hostess, with any guest of
the latter,
or with any young woman receiving
with her.
On being
introduced to a woman, he may
ask her
for a dance, and should be punctual
in keeping
the engagement.
It is her privilege to end the dance at any moment she wishes, after which he should conduct her to her chaperone or find a seat for her, after which he is at liberty to go elsewhere.
If for any cause a man has to break his engagements to dance, he should personally explain the matter to every woman with whom he has an engagement and make a suitable apology.
Balls, assembly. The etiquette at an
assembly
ball is
much the same as at a private ball,
the functions
and duties of the hostess being
filled by
a committee of women selected for
that purpose.
On entering
the room, the guests bow to
the committee
and pass on.
It is not
necessary to take leave of the
committee.
Carriage. A man should provide
a carriage
in which
to call for the woman he escorts
and her
chaperone.
Chaperones. For a small ball
given in a private
house, the
hostess need not invite the mothers
of the young
women, and the young women
can properly
attend, knowing that the hostess
will act
as a chaperone.
But at a large ball it is necessary to invite the mother as well as the daughters, and the chaperone as well as the debutante under her care. The mother can send regrets for herself, and send her daughters in care of a maid. Or she can attend, and, after remaining a suitable time, she may entrust her daughter to the care of a chaperone who intends to remain the whole evening.
Dress. A debutante should dress
in white or
some extremely
delicate color, and wear very
little jewelry—some
simple brooch or single
piece of
jewelry, or a slender chain of pearls.
Duties of daughters. Except at her
own
debut, a
daughter does not assist her mother
in receiving.
She should be ready, however,
to see that
young women have partners, and
to speak,
without introduction, to strangers.
Guest of honor. If the ball is given
in honor
of some
special person, he should be met on
his arrival,
introduced to the women of the
reception
committee, escorted to the seat prepared
for him,
and be looked after the entire
evening.
At the end
of the ball he should be escorted
to his carriage.
Duties of host. It is not necessary that
a
man receive
with his wife. He should do all
he can to
help make the ball successful,
especially
if his name appears on the invitation.
He should
assist in finding partners
for the
women, taking the chaperones into
supper,
preventing the men from selfishly
remaining
in the dressing-room, and at the
end escorting
unattended women to their
carriages.
When a formal
supper is served, he takes
into supper
the leading chaperone.
Duties of hostess. As a ball is an
entertainment
for dancing,
it is better to give two
small balls
where the guests are not crowded
than one
where they are. It is permissible
for a hostess
not having sufficient room to
hire rooms
in some place suitable for the
purpose.
In selecting
guests, it is wise to have more
men present
than women.
The hostess should see to it that the rooms are well ventilated and well lighted. An awning and a carpet from the street to the hall door should be provided.
The hostess should stand near the door, prepared to receive the guests as they enter, shaking hands with each one, friend or stranger, and introducing any woman who may receive with her.
A hostess
herself should not dance until
late in
the evening, unless she knows that
nearly all
her guests have arrived.
A wise hostess
will personally see that the
women are
provided with partners, and that
diffident
young men are introduced.
The hostess should see that the floor is suitable for dancing, that music is arranged, programs printed, that dressing-rooms, one for the men and one for the women, are arranged for with suitable attendants.
The hostess
should stand where the guests
can take
leave of her, and should shake
hands with
each when leaving.
Hours. In the city the hour for a
ball to begin
is from
10.30 to 11 P.M., but in the country
the hour
is earlier—from 9 to 9.30.
A public
ball begins promptly at the time
mentioned
in the announcement.
Invitations. These are issued from
ten to
twenty days
before the ball, and should be
answered
immediately.
For an impromptu
dance, they may be
issued within
a few days of the affair.
These invitations
should be engraved. As
a general
rule, it is not now customary to put
on them
the letters R. S. V. P.
But when an engraved invitation is posted, two envelopes are used, the inner one bearing the person’s name only and unsealed, and the outer bearing both the name and address and sealed.
If the ball has any peculiar feature, as a masquerade or costume, the invitation should have some words to that effect in the lower left hand corner—as, Costume of the XVIIth Century, Bal Masque, or Bal Poudre.
Invitations asked for strangers.
If a
hostess
receives a request from friends for
invitations
for friends of theirs, she can properly
refuse all
such requests, and no friend
should feel
aggrieved at a refusal for what
she has
no right to ask and which the hostess
is under
no obligation to give. If the
hostess
chooses to grant the request, well and
good.
She would
naturally do so when the request
is for a
near relative, or the betrothed of the
one making
the request.
A man should
never ask for an invitation
to a ball
for another person, except for his
fiancee
or a near relative.
A woman may ask for an invitation for her fiance, a brother, or a male friend of long standing, or for a visiting friend. She should take care that she does not ask it for some one known to the hostess and whom the latter does not desire to invite. No offense should be felt at a refusal save, possibly, in the case of a brother, sister, or fiance.
Invitations given by A newcomer.
When a
newcomer
in a neighborhood desires to give
a ball but
has no visiting list, it is allowable
for her
to borrow the visiting list of
some friend.
The friend, however, arranges
that in
each envelope is placed a calling-card
of her own,
so that the invited ones may know
that she
is acting as sponsor for the newcomer.
Invitations answered. Every invitation
should be
answered as soon as possible, and
in the third
person if the invitation was in the
third person.
The answer should be sent to
the party
requesting the pleasure, even if
many names
are on the invitation.
When a subscriber to a subscription ball invites a friend who is a non-subscriber, she encloses her card in the envelope, and the invited friend sends the answer to the subscriber sending the invitation.
Introductions. When a man is introduced
to a
woman at
a ball, he should ask her for a
dance.
Men at. Courtesy toward his hostess
and consideration
for his
friends demands that a
man who
can dance should do so.
To accept
an invitation to a ball and then
refuse to
dance shows that a man is lacking
in good
breeding.
A man finding few friends at a ball should ask some friend, or the hostess, to introduce him to some women whom he can invite to dance.
It is an
act of discourtesy for a man not to
request
a dance of a woman to whom he has
been introduced.
A man escorting a woman to a ball should agree where to meet her after they have each left their wraps at the dressing-rooms. It may be at the foot of the stairway or near the ball-room door.
It is now no longer customary for the man and woman to enter arm in arm, but for the woman to precede the man, and together they greet the hostess. It is for the hostess to merely bow or to shake hands, and the guests follow her lead.
A man should see that his companion’s chaperone is comfortably seated, and then ask his companion for a couple of dances, and, with her permission, introduce other young men, who should ask her to dance. Such permission is not usually asked if the man is her fiance, a near relative, or an old friend.
It is strictly the woman’s prerogative to decide to retire, and no man should urge or hint to a woman to retire earlier than she wishes.
Men—carriage. A man asking
a woman to
accompany
him to a ball should call in a carriage
for her
and her chaperone.
Men—dress. Men wear full
evening dress in
summer or
winter, city and town.
Gloves of
white dressed kid should be worn
at all balls.
Newcomers. See balls-invitations
given by
newcomers.
PATRONESSES. See public balls—patronesses.
Tipping servants. Only at public
balls is it
customary
to give a tip to the men and
women in
charge of the cloak-room.
Supper. Usually a buffet supper,
being more
easily handled
and arranged for. Supper at
tables requires
many servants, much preparation,
and great
care.
Women at. A mother should attend
balls with
her daughters,
going and returning with
them, and
if she is not invited, they should
decline
the invitation. The father can act
as escort
if need be.
After greeting
the hostess and guests, the
guests pay
their respects to the head of the
house if
he is present.
Taking leave of the hostess is unnecessary.
It is no longer customary for a couple to enter arm in arm, but for the woman to precede the man. A mother, elder sister, or married woman takes the precedence over a daughter, younger sister, or unmarried woman.
If not at once asked to dance, a young woman should take a seat by her chaperone. It is bad taste to refuse a dance with one man and then to dance that same dance with another.
Both the
hostess and the women wear their
most elaborate
costume for such an entertainment-
decollete,
short-sleeved, and a long train.
For a less
elaborate affair the costume
may be plainer.
Balls, assembly. See assembly balls.
Balls, costume. See costume balls.
Balls, debut. See debut balls.
Balls, public. See public balls.
Balls, subscription. See subscription balls.
Bananas. The skin should be cut off with
a knife,
peeling
from the top down, while holding in
the hand.
Small pieces should be cut or
broken off,
and taken in the fingers, or they
may be cut
up and eaten with a fork.
Baron-how addressed. An official letter
begins:
My Lord,
and ends: I have the honor to be
your Lordship’s
obedient servant.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable
the Baron Wilson.
A social
letter begins: Dear Lord Wilson,
and ends:
Believe me, my dear Lord Wilson,
very sincerely
yours.
The address is: To the Lord Wilson.
Daughter of. See daughter of Baron.
Wife of younger son
of. See wife of younger
son
of Baron.
Baron, younger son of—How
Addressed. An
official
letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have
the honor
to remain your obedient servant.
A social
letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends:
Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Honorable
John Wilson.
Baroness-how addressed, An official
letter begins:
Madam, and
ends: I have the honor to remain
your Ladyship’s
most obedient servant.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable
The Baroness Kent.
A social
letter begins: Dear Lady Kent,
and ends.
Believe me dear Lady Kent, sincerely
yours.
The address is: To the Lady Kent.
Baronet-how addressed. An official
letter begins:
Sir, and
ends: I have the honor to remain,
sir, your
obedient servant.
A social
letter begins: Dear Sir John Wilson,
or Dear
Sir John, and ends: Believe me,
dear Sir
John, faithfully yours.
The address
on the envelope is: To Sir
John Wilson,
Bart.
Wife of, See wife of baronet.
Best man. The best man is usually a
bachelor, but
may be a
married man or a widower, and is
selected
by the groom. He fills an important
position,
requiring tact, administrative
ability,
and capacity to handle details. He
acts as
the groom’s representative, confidential
advisor,
and business advisor.
After his selection he should send a gift to the bride, and may, if he wish, send it to the groom-a custom not yet clearly established, and one not to be either encouraged or followed with safety.
On the morning of the wedding-day he should have received both the ring and fee from the groom, and should personally see to the church and other details.
He breakfasts
with the groom, and together
they drive
to the church.
Calls. He should call on the
bride’s mother
within two
weeks after the ceremony, and
also on
the married couple upon their return
from their
wedding trip.
Church. He accompanies the groom
into the
chancel,
and stands by his side till the bride
appears,
when he receives the groom’s hat
and gloves,
and stands a little way behind
him.
When the clergyman bids the bride
and groom
join hands, he gives the ring to
to the groom.
At the conclusion of the ceremony, he gives the wedding fee to the clergyman, and hastily leaves the church to summon the groom’s carriage and to return him his hat. He signs the register, if a witness is needed.
It is a better arrangement to have the groom and the best man enter the church without their hats, and have the latter sent from the vestry to the church door, so that the groom may receive his when he leaves the church.
Especially
is this a good arrangement if
the best
man has to walk with the maid of
honor down
the aisle.
After this, he hastens in his own carriage to the bride’s home, to assist in meeting and introducing the guests at the reception or breakfast.
Dress. If the bride presents
the best man with
the boutonniere, he should go to her house
on the wedding-day to have her put it in the
lapel of his coat.
He should dress as nearly as possible like the groom-wearing afternoon dress at an afternoon wedding, and at an evening wedding evening dress.
See also groom-dress.
Expenses. The best man
is the guest of the
groom, and in matters of expense this should
be borne in mind.
Reporters. If such is the
wish of the family
of the bride, the best man attends to the reporters,
and furnishes them with the names
of groom, bride, relatives, friends, description
of gowns, and other details deemed
suitable for publication.
Wedding breakfast. The best
man escorts
the maid
of honor, and they are usually
seated at
the bridal table.
Wedding reception. The
best man stands
with the
married couple, and is introduced
to the guests.
Wedding trip. He should
arrange beforehand
all details
of the trip-as to tickets, parlor-car,
flowers,
baggage, etc. He alone knows the
point of
destination, and is in honor bound
not to betray
it, save in case of emergencies.
He should
see that the married couple
leave the
house without any trouble, and if
the station
is near, he should go in a separate
carriage
(provided by the groom) to personally
attend to
all details. He is the last
one to see
the married couple, and should return
to the house
to give their last message
to the parents.
Best wishes to bride. One
should give best wishes
to the bride
and congratulations to the
groom.
Bicycling. A man bicycling with a woman
should
extend to
her all the courtesies practised
when riding
or driving with her, such as
allowing
her to set the pace, taking the lead
on unfamiliar
roads and in dangerous
places,
riding on the side nearest obstacles,
etc.
Men—dress. A
man should wear the regulation
suit coat,
waistcoat, and knickerbockers
of gray
or brown tweed, avoiding all
eccentricities
of personal taste.
Birth (Announcement). If wishing to send
congratulations
after a
birth, cards should be left in
person or
sent by a messenger. Cut flowers
may be sent
with the card.
Bishop of the Anglican church—how
addressed.
An official
letter begins: My Lord, and ends:
I have the
honor to remain your Lordship’s
most obedient
servant.
A social
letter begins: My Dear Lord
Bishop,
and ends: I have the honor to remain,
my Dear
Lord Bishop, faithfully yours.
The address
on the envelope: To the Right
Rev. The
Lord Bishop of Kent.
Bishop (protestant)-how addressed.
An official
letter begins:
Right Reverend and Dear Sir,
and ends:
I have the honor to remain your
obedient
servant.
A social
letter begins: Dear Bishop Wilson,
and ends:
I remain sincerely yours.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Right Reverend
John J. Wilson, Bishop of,
Montana.
Bishop (Roman Catholic)—how
addressed. An
official
or social letter begins. Right Reverend
and Dear
Sir, and ends: I have the honor
to remain
your humble servant.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Right Reverend
John J. Wilson, Bishop of
Ohio.
Bonnets (theatre). A woman of any consideration
should either
wear no bonnet or remove it
when the
curtain rises.
It would be in place for a man or a woman to politely request a woman whose bonnet obstructs the view to remove it, and, after it was done, to thank the woman for so doing.
Bouquets (wedding). The bouquet carried
by the
bride is
furnished by the groom, who should
also provide
bouquets for the bridesmaids.
Men, When leaving a woman at the
door of
her house,
he bows and retires as the door
is opened.
When seeing
a woman to her carriage, he
should raise
his hat on closing the door.
On a railroad
a man removes his hat in a
parlor-car,
but not in a day coach.
In street-cars a man should raise his hat when giving his seat to a woman; also when rendering a service to a woman in public, in answering a question, or in apologizing to a woman.
In elevators,
when women are present,
the hat
should be removed.
In hotel
halls or corridors a man passing
a woman
should raise his hat.
Men do not
raise their hats to one another,
save out
of deference to an elderly person, a
person of
note, or a clergyman.
In driving,
if impossible to raise the hat,
he should
touch it with his whip.
The hat is gracefully lifted from the head, brought to the level of the chest, and the body inclined forward, and then replaced in passing.
It is the woman’s privilege to bow first if it is a mere acquaintance. If, however, a woman bows, and the man fails to recognize her, he should bow in return.
A man may
bow first to a very intimate
friend.
Meeting
a woman to whom he has been
introduced
at an entertainment, he should
wait until
she bows first.
After bowing
to a woman, the man may
join her,
and with her permission may walk
a short
distance with her.
He should not stand in the street and converse with her any length of time. She may excuse herself and pass on. He should not feel affronted.
If he meets
a woman he does not know
accompanied
by a man he does know, both
men bow.
The man
accompanying her should bow
to every
man or woman to whom she bows.
Women. A woman’s bow should
be dignified—
a faint
smile and a gentle inclination of the
head.
Women bow
first to men when meeting in
the street.
A man may bow first if the
acquaintance
is intimate.
When walking with a man, and they meet another unknown to her, but known to her escort, both men bow. If she meets a friend, man or woman, unknown to her escort, he bows.
Unless an introduction has taken place at any function, no recognition is customary. It is the woman’s privilege, however, to decide for herself whether she will recognize the guest or not.
A man bowing
and joining a woman on
the street
must ask permission to do so.
She is at
perfect liberty to gracefully decline.
If a man stops to talk on the street, she may excuse herself and pass on. If she continues the conversation and he stands with his hat in his hand, she may request him to replace it. Such conversations should be brief.
Bread should be broken into small pieces, buttered,
and transferred
with the fingers to the mouth.
The bread
should be placed on the small
plate provided
for the purpose.
Breakfasts. Breakfasts are generally given
from
ten to twelve
in the morning. Very formal
breakfasts
are held at twelve o’clock.
Calls. A call need not be made
after a simple
breakfast,
but obligatory after a formal one.
Dress. Street costumes are worn
by men and
women.
Guests. Guests leave half an
hour after the
breakfast.
Hours. The hour is from 12 to 12.30.
Invitations. Cards are engraved
and sent a
week in
advance for formal breakfasts, but
for informal
breakfasts they may be written.
If given
in honor of a special guest, the
name is
engraved on the card—as, to meet
Mr.
Wilson.
Men. Men are usually invited,
and they are
often given
for men. Men wear street costume.
Guests should leave half an hour after breakfast. A call is not necessary after a simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.
Men leaving cards.
After a breakfast a man
should leave
a card for host and hostess,
whether
the invitation was accepted or not.
Or it may
be sent by mail or messenger, with
an apology
for so doing.
Women. Women wear street costume,
including
gloves,
the latter being taken off at table.
Women remove
their coats and wraps, but
not bonnets.
Guests should leave half an hour after breakfast. A call is not necessary after a simple breakfast, but obligatory after a formal one.
Wedding. See wedding receptions or breakfasts.
Breaking dinner engagements. When
it is absolutely
necessary
to break an engagement made for
a dinner,
a letter should be sent as soon as
possible
to the hostess, either by special delivery
or messenger,
giving the reason and
expressing
regrets.
Bride. The bride selects the
church and the clergyman,
and can,
if she wishes, ask the latter
personally
or by note to perform the ceremony.
She selects
the music for the ceremony
and the
organist, names the wedding
day, and
selects the ushers and the bridesmaids.
Of the bridesmaids,
she may select
one, some
near friend, as the maid of honor,
to act for
her, as the best man does for the
groom.
She further designates one of the ushers to be master of ceremonies, and should instruct him minutely as to the details she desires carried out-how the wedding party shall enter the church, proceed up the aisle, etc.
A few days before the wedding she gives a dinner to the bridesmaids and maid of honor, who take this opportunity to examine the trousseau. The ushers, best man, and groom may come after the dinner to attend the wedding rehearsal. These rehearsals should be gone through carefully, and if they can be held at the church so much the better. Each person should be instructed by note as to their duties, as this prevents confusion.
Church. On the wedding-day,
after receiving
the bridesmaids
and maid of honor at her
house, she
goes to the church with her father
(or
nearest male relative), and leans upon his
arm as they
proceed up the aisle, following
the bridesmaids,
and carrying her bridal bouquet
(or,
if she wishes, a prayer-book).
Arriving at the chancel, she leaves her father and steps forward to take the left arm of the groom, who advances from the chancel to meet her. They stand before the clergyman, and, if they wish, may kneel, and upon rising stand about a foot apart.
At the words of the ceremony, “Who giveth this woman away?” or, “To be married to this man?” her father advances and places her right hand in that of the clergyman, who places it in the groom’s right hand. After this her father retires to his seat in the pew with his family.
When the plighting of the troth comes,Page 20
the groom receives the ring from the best man and hands it to the bride, who gives it to the clergyman. He returns it to the groom, who then places it on the third finger of the bride’s left hand. When plighting the troth, the bride gives her glove and bouquet to the maid of honor, or, what is better, the finger of the glove may be cut to allow the ring to be placed on without the glove being removed.
The kiss
at the altar is no longer in good
form.
At the end of the ceremony, after the clergyman has congratulated the married couple, the bride takes her husband’s right arm and they lead the procession to the vestibule, where they receive the congratulations of near friends. Here the maid of honor and bridesmaids cloak and prepare the bride for the trip home in the groom’s carriage.
Dress. The bride is veiled,
and is dressed in
white-full
dress, day or evening. Gloves
need not
be worn in the church. The bridesmaids
provide
their own outfit, unless the
bride asks
them to dress in a style of her own
selecting.
In this case, she supplies them
gowns, hats,
gloves, and shoes, as she may
wish.
Farewell luncheon. While
a farewell luncheon
given to
the bridesmaids by the bride
is not necessary,
yet it is a pleasant way for a
woman to
entertain her female friends the
last time
in her father’s house.
On this occasion it is a good plan for the bride to give to the maid of honor and brides-maids her souvenirs, which, of course, should be alike, and of use at the wedding ceremony.
Gifts. The bride may give to
the groom a ring
as an engagement
ring if she wishes. She
should make
suitable gifts to the bridesmaids
as souvenirs
of the occasion, and may also
present
them with flowers. If she presents
boutonnieres
to the best man and the ushers,
they should
appear at her house before the
ceremony
and have her place them in the
lapel of
their coats.
She should
acknowledge immediately the
receipt
of all wedding gifts.
Gloves. The bride need not wear
gloves in the
church.
Invitations. At a church wedding
the bride
usually
provides the bridesmaids with extra
invitations
for their personal use.
Kiss. Only the parents of the
bride and her
most intimate
relatives should kiss the bride.
It is now
no longer good form for all to do so.
Seeing groom on wedding-day.
It is not
customary
for the bride to see the groom on
the wedding-day
till she meets him at the
altar.
Wedding breakfast. The bride
and groom
occupy the
centre one of the small tables.
At all wedding breakfasts it is customary for the guests to assemble in the drawing-room, and then to enter the breakfast-room together—the bride and groom leading the way.
It is not usual to have the bridal cake at a wedding breakfast, but if such is the case, the bride makes the first cut, and the slices are given first to those at the bridal table.
Wedding reception. She
should stand by her
husband’s
side to receive the best wishes of all
present.
The guests are not announced, but
are introduced
by the ushers to the bride if
not known
to her.
The bride
should not leave her place to
mingle with
the guests until all have been
introduced
to her.
Bride’s family. See family of bride.
Bride’s father. See father of bride.
Bride’s mother. See mother of bride.
Bridegroom. See groom.
Bridesmaids. The bridesmaids are selected
by the
bride, and
number six, eight, or twelve—
mostly eight.
She usually gives them a
dinner a
few days before the wedding, at
which she
shows them the trousseau and discusses
the details
of the wedding.
The ushers and the groom are invited to come after the dinner, and then the rehearsal takes place. The bridesmaids should be present at this and all other rehearsals, and if unable to be present at the wedding should give the bride ample notice, that a substitute may be secured.
Calls. They call upon the mother
of the bride
within a
week or ten days after the ceremony,
and upon
the bride, in her own home, after
her return
from her wedding trip.
Carriages. A carriage provided
by the family
of the bride
calls for the bridesmaid on the
wedding-day,
and takes her to the bride’s
house.
Her carriage follows the bride’s to the
church,
and, after the ceremony, takes her to
the wedding
breakfast or reception.
Church. They meet at the house
of the bride,
and there
take their carriages to the church.
While their
carriages follow that of the bride,
they alight
first and receive her in the vestibule.
They may
carry bouquets supplied by
the bride’s
family or the groom.
In the procession up the aisle they follow the ushers, walking two by two, and as the ushers approach the altar they divide—one-half to the right and one-half to the left. The bridesmaids do likewise, leaving space for the bridal party to pass.
In the procession down the aisle they follow the best man and maid of honorPage 22
to the vestibule, where, after giving their best wishes to the bride, and congratulations to the groom, they return to the bride’s home to assist in entertaining the guests at the reception or breakfast.
Dancing. At the wedding breakfast
or reception
dancing
is sometimes indulged in.
Dinner to married couple.
The bridesmaids
usually
give a dinner to the married couple
on the latter’s
return from their wedding trip.
Dress. They usually follow the
wishes of the
bride in
the matter of dress. Should she
desire any
particular style of dress, entailing
considerable
expense, on account of novelty
or oddity,
she usually presents them the outfit,
which it
is permissible for them to accept.
If the bride has no particular wish, they decide the matter among themselves, always bearing in mind that their style of dress and material must be subordinated to that of the bride, and that there could be no greater exhibition of lack of refinement and good taste than for any bridesmaid to make herself in any way more attractive than the bride.
Gifts. It is customary for them
to send a wedding
gift to
the bride.
They usually
receive a pretty souvenir
from the
bride and a bouquet from the
groom.
Invitations. At a large church
wedding several
invitations
are usually given to the
bridesmaids
for their own personal use.
Rehearsals. They should be present
at all
rehearsals.
Wedding breakfasts. They
pair off with the
ushers,
and are usually seated at a table by
themselves.
Wedding receptions. They
stand beside the
married
couple, and are introduced to the
guests.
Brother at debut. A brother, when
his sister’s
debut takes
the form of a supper or dinner,
should take
his sister (the debutante) into
dinner or
supper.
Butler—tips. It is customary
for a man leaving a
house-party
where he has been a guest to
tip the
butler who acted as a valet.
Cabinet ( U. S,), member of—how
addressed. An
official
letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have,
sir, the
honor to remain your most obedient
servant.
A social
letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends:
I have the honor to remain
most sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson,
Secretary of State.
Cake. is broken into pieces, the size of a mouthful,
and then
eaten with fingers or fork.
Calls. Unless close intimacy exists, calls
should
only be
made on the specified days.
Asking men to call
on women. A debutante
should leave
this matter to her mother
or chaperone.
A young
woman, until she has had some
experience
in society, should be very careful
in inviting
men to call.
She should not invite a man to call whom she has met for the first time. No man should be invited to call until she is assured of his social standing and character.
In some
parts of the country men first ask
permission
to call, and in other parts women
first ask
men to call.
Asking women to call
on women. It is
generally
the custom for the married or elder
woman to
ask the unmarried or younger
woman to
call.
Bachelors’ dinners.
See bachelors’ dinners
—calls.
Breakfast. See breakfasts—calls.
Best man. See best man—calls
Bridesmaids. See bridesmaids—calls.
Chaperones. See chaperones—men calling.
Business. A business man may
call in street
dress upon
a woman before six o’clock.
Social visits
may be made in the same
manner.
Days at home. Calls
should only be made on
the regular
“At Home” days, and the
hostess
should always be present on that day.
Very intimate
friends may set aside this rule.
Debutante. See debutante—calls.
Dress. When making an afternoon
call, a man
would wear
afternoon dress, and evening
dress in
making an evening call.
High tea. See high tea—calls.
Hours. When no special day for
receiving is
indicated,
calls may be made at any proper
hour, according
to the custom of the locality.
Men of leisure
may call at the fashionable
hours from
two till five in the afternoon, while
business
and professional men may call between
eight and
nine in the evening, as their
obligations
prevent them from observing the
fashionable
hours.
Length. A formal call may last
from fifteen to
thirty minutes.
Old friends may stay longer.
Luncheons. See luncheon—calls.
Men. After entertainments.
After an entertainment
a man should
call in person on
host and
hostess, whether the invitation was
accepted
or not. If a card is sent or mailed,
it should
be accompanied with an apology.
To call
on an acquaintance in an opera
box does
not relieve one of the duty of making
a formal
call in return for social favors.
When calling on the hostess but not on the host, a man should leave a card for him. If the hostess be out, he should leave two cards.
Married men can return their social obligations to women by personal calls, or the women of the family can leave the men’s cards with their own.
A call should be made the day following a luncheon or a breakfast; the same after a dinner, or at least within a week. A call should be made within a week after a ball.
After a theatre party given by a man, he should call within three days on the woman he escorted, or leave his card, and should call within a week on the remainder of his guests.
Men calling on men.
At the beginning of
the season
it is usual to leave a card for each
member of
a family called on—one card for
husband,
wife, “misses,” and guest, or rest
of the family.
Sometimes two cards answer
the purpose.
They may be sent by mail or messenger.
Men calling on women.
A man should call
only on
“At Home” days, especially when
making the
first call, unless specially invited.
He should
call at the hour appointed.
When no special day for receiving is indicated, calls may be made at any proper hour, according to the custom of the locality. Men of leisure may call at the fashionable hours —from two till five o’clock.
Business and professional men may call between eight and nine o’clock, as their obligations prevent them from observing the fashionable hours.
A business
man may call in street dress
before six
o’clock, and the same dress in the
evening,
if intimately acquainted.
Informal calls may be made on Sunday after three o’clock by business and professional men, provided there are no religious or other scruples on the part of those receiving the calls.
Evening
or other than mere formal calls
should not
be made, save by special invitation.
The first
call should last not longer than
ten or fifteen
minutes. It is correct to ask
for all
the women of the family.
At the first call he should give his card at the door. At following calls it is optional whether to give a card or merely the name, asking at the same time for the person one desires to see. When the servant’s intelligence seems doubtful, or the name is an unusual one, it is safer to give a card.
When a woman invites a man to call without specifying when, it is not consideredPage 25
as an invitation at all, but merely as a formal courtesy.
It is bad form to solicit by innuendo or otherwise an invitation to call from a woman. It is her privilege to make the first move in such matters; otherwise she would be placed in an embarrassing position.
When an
invitation specifies the hour,
every effort
should be made to be punctual.
It is impolite
to be too early or too late.
At a formal call, when others are present, a man should not be seated unless invited to do so. He should leave as others come in, and not remain longer than ten or fifteen minutes.
A man having a card or letter of introduction to a young woman should present it in person to the chaperone. If she is out, he should mail it to her, and she should at once notify him whether he may call.
If a caller
is a stranger to the young
woman’s
hostess, he should send his card to
the latter
and ask to see her.
The chaperone
may, if desirable, give a
man permission
to call upon the woman
under her
charge.
A man should not call upon an unmarried woman until invited by her to do so. He may ask a married woman who has a family for permission to call.
Gloves. Gloves need not be removed
at a formal
or brief
call.
Entertainments. At entertainments
a man
should give
his card to the servant at the
door or
leave it in the hall.
A few appropriate
words of greeting should
be addressed
to the hostess and host as soon
after entering
as possible.
Personal introductions are not absolutely required at musicales, teas, “At Homes,” etc. One may converse with those nearest, but this does not warrant future recognition.
When light
repasts are served, as teas, ices,
etc, a man
should put his napkin on his
knee and
hold the plate in his hand.
He should depart with as little ceremony as possible—a bow and a smile, if host and hostess are engaged, are sufficient. He should not shake hands and try to speak unless it can be done without becoming conspicuous.
Men calling on women—hat.
A man making
a formal
or brief call should carry his
hat in his
hand into the parlor.
Shaking hands. A man
should not offer to
shake hands first, as that is the privilege
of
the women.
Men—dress.
In making ceremonious calls, men
wear afternoon dress, and after six o’clock
evening dress.
See also afternoon dress—men.
Evening
dress—men.
Pall-bearers. See pall-bearers—calls.
Theatre. See theatre—calls.
Ushers. See ushers—calls.
Wedding invitations.
Very intimate friends
can call personally. Friends of the groom
who have no acquaintance with the bride’s
family should send their cards to those inviting
them.
Those who do not receive wedding invitations, announcement, or “At Home” cards should not call on the married couple, but consider themselves as dropped from their circle of acquaintance.
Women receiving and inviting
men. The
invitation
to call should be extended by the
woman, and
if she does not specify the time,
will naturally
be considered as an act of
courtesy,
but not as an invitation.
These invitations should be given with great care by young women. It is better to have the invitation extended by her mother or chaperone.
A married woman may ask a man to call, especially if she have unmarried daughters. An afternoon tea is an appropriate time to specify. A man may ask a married woman who has a family for permission to call.
At the beginning of a season, a man who desires the further acquaintance of a woman should leave his card in person for all the members of the family.
A formal call, or the first call of the season, should, mot last longer than ten or fifteen minutes. It is proper for the man to inquire for all the women of the family.
A man should call only on “At Home” days, unless especially invited to come at other times. The hostess should be home on all “At Home” days, unless sickness or other good cause prevents.
In the absence of “At Home” days, or specified time, calls may be received at any proper hour, according to the locality of the place.
When men make a formal call at other than specified time, the hostess may justly excuse herself. The caller would have no ground for offense.
Intimate
friends need not hold to formal
hours for
paying calls.
Men of leisure
should call only at fashionable
hours—from
two to five in the afternoon.
Evening calls should not be made by other than business or professional men, unless the acquaintance be an intimate one, or unless they are specially invited.
Business and professional men may call between eight and nine o’clock, as their obligations prevent them from observing the fashionable hours.
Informal calls may be made on Sunday after three o’clock by business and professional men, provided there are no religious or other scruples on the part of those receiving the calls.
A business
man may call in street dress
before six
o’clock in the evening, or thereafter
if intimacy
warrants.
Evening,
or other than mere formal calls,
should not
be made, save by special invitation.
A man should leave his card when calling. If his hostess is married, he should leave one also for the host. If she is out, he should leave two.
When calling
upon a young woman whose
hostess
is not known to the man, he should
send his
card to her.
If the woman is seated when a man enters the room, she rises to greet him, and, if she wishes, shakes hands. It is her option to shake hands or not, and she should make the first advances. It is bad form for him to do so.
During a formal call, when other guests are present, a man should remain standing and depart upon the entrance of others. If the hostess is seated at the time, she need not rise or shake hands, but merely bow.
The hostess
should not accompany a caller
to the door
of the parlor, but bow from her
chair.
Dropping
in at a theatre or opera party
does not
relieve a man from making formal
calls that
may be due.
A woman’s escort to a theatre party should call upon her within a week. If she were his guest, he should do so within three days, or send his card, with an apology.
Business
calls are privileged, and can be
made when
convenient, although preferably
by appointment.
Women receiving—introductions.
At formal
calls conversation
should be general among
the guests.
Introductions are unnecessary.
Afternoon. See afternoon calls.
Country. See country calls.
Evening. See evening calls.
First. See first calls.
INVALID’S. See INVALID’S calls.
Sunday. See Sunday calls.
Canceling dinners. When it becomes
necessary for
a hostess
to cancel or postpone a dinner, she
should send
as soon as possible, either by
special
delivery or messenger, a letter to each
guest who
has accepted the invitation. The
letter,
written either in the first or third person,
should state
the reason and express
regrets.
Canceling weddings. See weddings-invitations
recalled.
Canes. A cane is the correct thing for a
man when
walking,
except when engaged in business.
It should
be held a few inches below the
knob, ferrule
down, and should, like umbrellas,
be carried
vertically.
Calling. When making a formal
or brief call
the cane should be left in
the hall.
Cardinal-how addressed. A letter, official
or
social,
begins: Your Eminence, and ends: I
have the
honor to remain your humble servant.
The address
on the envelope is: His Eminence
Cardinal
Wilson.
Debut. See debut cards.
DEBUTANTS. See debutante cards.
Infant. See infant’s cards.
In memoriam. See in memoriam cards.
Mourning. See mourning cards.
CARDS, VISITING.
Addressing. See addressing cards (visiting).
Afternoon teas. See cards
(visiting), leaving
in
person—afternoon teas.
Cards (visiting),
mail
or messenger-afternoon teas.
At home. See at home-cards.
Birth (announcement). See
cards (visiting),
leaving
in person—birth.
Condolence. See condolence—cards.
Daughter. See daughters—cards (visiting).
Garden parties. See garden parties—cards.
Husband and wife.
When the wife is calling,
she can
leave cards of the husband and
sons if
it is impossible for them to do so
themselves.
After an entertainment, cards of the family can be left for the host and hostess by either the wife or any of the daughters. See Also Mr. And Mrs. Card.
Leaving in person.
When cards with a message
of congratulation
are left in person,
nothing
should be written on it.
Leaving in person—afternoon
teas.
Women leave
cards of their male relatives
as well
as their own, although their names
may be announced
upon entering the drawing-room.
Guests leave
their cards in a receptacle
provided,
or give them to the servant
at the door.
Men. A bachelor should not use
at home
cards as
a woman does, nor to invite his
friends
by writing a date and music at four
on his calling
card in place of an invitation.
Men—leaving in
person. When returning
to town
after a long absence, a man should
leave cards
having his address.
When calling
upon a young woman whose
hostess
is not known by the man, he should
send his
card to her.
At the beginning of a season, a man should leave two cards for all those whose entertainments he is in the habit of attending, or on whom he pays social calls. These cards may also be mailed. If left in person, there should be one for each member of the family called upon, or only two cards. In the former there should be left one card for the host, one for the hostess, one for the “misses,” and one for the rest of the family and their guest.
Men of leisure
should leave their own
cards, while
business men can have them
left by
the women of the family.
The corner
of the card should not be
turned down.
Cards are now left in the hall by the servant and the caller is announced. In business calls the card is taken to the person for whom the caller asked.
When calling,
a man should leave a card
whether
the hostess is at home or not.
P. P. C.
card’s may be left in person or
sent by
mail upon departure from city, or
on leaving
winter or summer resort.
When a man
calls upon a young woman
whom a hostess
is entertaining, he should
leave cards
for both.
When a man
calls upon another man, if he
is not at
home, he should leave a card.
When a man calls on the hostess but not the host he should leave a card for him. If the hostess is out, he should leave two cards—one for each.
Breakfasts, luncheons, dinners.
A man
should leave
a card the day after a breakfast,
luncheon,
or dinner for the host and hostess,
whether
the invitation was accepted or not.
They may
also be sent by mail or messenger,
with an
apology for so doing.
Balls, subscription. Shortly
after receiving
an invitation
to a subscription ball, a man
should leave
a card for the patroness inviting
him.
Debutante. When calling upon
a debutante a
man should
leave cards for her mother,
whether
the entertainment was attended or
not.
Entertainment by men.
After a man’s formal
entertainment
for men, a man should leave a
card within
one week, whether the event was
attended
or not. It can be sent by mail or
messenger.
Reception. When the host and
hostess receive
together,
a man should leave one card for
both, and
if not present at the reception, he
should send
two cards.
Theatre. After a theatre
party given by a
man, he should call within three days on the
woman he escorted or leave his card.
Wedding reception.
After a wedding reception
a man should leave a card for the host
and hostess, and another for the bridal
couple.
If
a man has been invited to the church
but not
to the wedding reception, he should
leave a
card for the bride’s parents and the
bridal couple,
or should mail a card.
Sending by mail, or
messenger. After an
entertainment a man should call in person on
host and hostess, whether the invitation was
accepted or not. If a card is mailed or
sent,
it should be accompanied with an apology.
At
the beginning of the season a man
should leave
cards for all those whose entertainments
he is in
the habit of attending, or
on whom
he pays social calls. These cards
may also
be mailed. If left in person, there
should be
one for each member of the household
or only
two cards.
In the former case, there should be left one card for the host, one for the hostess, one for the “misses,” and one for the rest of the family and the guest.
If a man is unable to make a formal call upon a debutante and her mother at her debut, he should send his card by mail or messenger.
A man may
mail his card to a woman
engaged
to be married, if acquaintance
warrants.
Visitors
to town should send cards to every
one whom
they desire to see. The address
should be
written on them.
Afternoon tea. If a man
is unable to be
present
at an afternoon tea, he should send a
card the
same afternoon.
Breakfasts, luncheons, dinners.
A man
should leave
a card the day after a breakfast,
luncheon,
or dinner for the host and hostess,
whether
the invitation was accepted or not.
They may
be sent by mail or messenger with
an apology
for so doing.
Entertainment by men.
After a man’s formal
entertainment for men, a man should leave a
card within one week, whether the event was
attended or not. It can be sent by mail
or
messenger.
P. P. C. cards may be sent by
mail or messenger
upon departure from city, or on leaving
winter or summer resort.
Reception. When the host
and hostess receive
together, a man should leave one card for
both, and, if not present at the reception,
he
should send two cards.
Wedding reception.
If a man has been invited
to the church but not the wedding
reception, he should leave or mail a card to
the bride’s parents, and also to the
bridal
couple.
Style. The full name should
be used, and if
too long,
the initials only. The club address
is put in
the lower left-hand corner, and if
not living
at a club, the home address should
be in lower
right-hand corner. In the absence
of a title,
Mr. is always used on an
engraved
but not a written card.
Cards should
be engraved in plain letter,
according
to prevailing fashion.
Facsimile
cards engraved are no longer
used.
Written cards are in bad taste, but in case of necessity they may be used. The name should be written in full if not too long, and should be the autograph of the sender.
Messages or writing should not appear on men’s cards. If address is changed, new cards should be engraved. In an emergency only the new address may be written.
Mourning cards are the same
size as visiting-
cards, and
a black border is used—the width
to be regulated
by the relationship of the
deceased
relative.
Men—style, titles.
Men having titles use
them before
their names—as, Reverend, Rev.,
Mr., Dr.,
Army and Navy titles, and officers
on retired
list. L.L.D. and all professional
titles are
placed after the name. Political
and judicial
titles are always omitted.
Physicians may use Dr. before or M.D. after the name. On cards intended for social use, office hours and other professional matter are omitted.
Mr. And Mrs. See Mr. And Mrs. Cards.
P. P. C. See P. P. C. Cards.
Sending by mail or
messenger. If after
accepting
an invitation it is necessary to
decline,
a card should be sent the evening of
the entertainment,
with an explanatory note
the day
following.
When an invitation has been received to an “At Home” debut, and one has not been able to attend, cards should be sent by mail or messenger, to arrive at the time of the ceremony.
A card should
be mailed to a man engaged
to be married.
Afternoon teas. The invitations
to a formal
afternoon
tea are sent a week or ten days in
advance
by mail or messenger. No reply is
necessary,
but if unable to be present, a card
should be
sent the day of the entertainment.
For an afternoon tea a visiting-card may be used, with the hour for the “tea” written or engraved over the date beneath the fixed day of that week. They may be sent by mail or messenger.
Persons
unable to attend should send cards
the same
afternoon.
Birth (announcement). If
wishing to congratulate
after a
birth, cards should be left in
person or
sent by a messenger. Cut flowers
may be sent
with the card.
Condolence. After a death in
the family of
an acquaintance,
a card with the word
Condolence
written on it should be left in person or
by messenger.
For very intimate acquaintances,
cut flowers
may be left in person or
sent, together
with a card or letter.
When unable to leave in person a card with Condolence written on it, send it to intimate friends only with a note of apology. If out of town, it should be sent with a letter of condolence.
Travelers. A woman visiting
a place for a
length of
time should mail to her friends a
visiting-card
which contains her temporary
address.
A man in
similar situation should call upon
his friends,
and if he does not find them at
home, should
leave his card.
Wedding invitations. Those
present at the
ceremony
should leave cards for those inviting
them, and
if this is not possible, they can
be sent
by mail or messenger.
Those invited
but not present should send
cards.
Widow. See widows—cards.
Wife. Only the wife of the oldest
member of
the oldest
branch may use her husband’s
name without
the initials.
Women. Mrs. or Miss should always
be used
before the
names. The cards of single
women are
smaller than those of married
women.
The husband’s name should be used in full, unless too long, when the initials are used. Only the wife of the oldest member of the oldest branch may use her husband’s name without initials.
Reception days should appear in the lower left-hand corner, limiting dates—as, Until Lent, or in January, may be either engraved or written.
If a special function is allotted to any reception days—as, the entertaining of special guests—the hour of the reception day may be written above the day and the date beneath it.
Daughters. See daughters—cards.
Leaving in person—birth,
announcement of.
If wishing
to send congratulations,
after receipt
of a birth announcement card,
cards should
be left in person or sent by a
messenger;
cut flowers may be sent with the
card.
Before the wedding cards are issued, an engaged woman should leave her card personally upon her friends without entering the house.
When calling at the beginning of the season a woman should leave her own card, those of the men of the family, and two of her husband’s.
After formal invitations, a woman should leave her own card and those of the men of the family who were invited, whether they attended or not.
When calling
formally a woman should
leave a
card, whether the hostess is at home
or not.
When a woman
calls upon a well-known
friend,
it is not necessary to send up a card.
When making a call at a hotel or other public place, the name of the person called upon should be written in the upper left- hand corner of the card—as:
For Mrs. Jane Wilson
The corner
of the card should not be
turned down.
P. P. C.
cards may be left in person or
sent by
mail upon departure from city, or
on leaving
winter or summer resort.
The corner
of the card should not be
turned down.
Reception. At receptions a woman
should
leave the
cards in the hall or hand them to
the servant.
At a “coming-out
reception” a woman
should leave
cards for the mother and
daughter.
A married man returns his social obligations to women by personal calls, or his wife can do it for him by leaving his card with her own.
Mother and daughter.
After her debut the
younger
of the two daughters has no card of
her own,
as her full baptismal name appears
on her mother’s
card beneath her name. A
year after
her first appearance she may have
a card of
her own.
When a mother
leaves her daughter’s card,
it is for
the hostess only.
If reception day appear on the mother’s card, the daughters also receive on that date, as the daughters have no reception days of their own.
Mother and son. When
a mother is calling,
she can
leave cards of her son for the host
and hostess
if it is impossible for him to do so
himself.
A son entering
society can have his cards
left by
his mother upon a host and hostess.
Invitations
to entertainments will follow.
Returning to town.
Cards of the entire
family should
be sent by mail to all
acquaintances
when returning after a
prolonged
absence.
When using cards, if out of town, the place of a woman’s permanent residence can be written on the card—thus: New York. Philadelphia.
Sending by mail or
messenger. A woman
visiting
a place for a length of time should
mail to
her friends her visiting-card
containing
her temporary address.
P. P. C.
cards may be sent by mail or
messenger
upon departure from city, or
on leaving
winter or summer resort.
After a
change of residence the cards of
the entire
family should be sent out as soon
as possible.
At the beginning
of the season both married
and single
women should send their cards
to all their
acquaintances.
Visitors
to town should send cards to every
one whom
they desire to see, with the address
written
on the cards.
For afternoon tea a visiting-card may be used. The hour for the tea is written or engraved over, and the date beneath the fixed day of the week. They may be sent by mail or messenger.
The cards
of a debutante may be sent by
mail or
messenger.
Mourning cards should be sent to indicate temporary retirement from society. Later cards should be sent to indicate return to society.
Afternoon tea. If a woman
is unable to be
present
at an afternoon tea she should send
her card
the same afternoon.
Wedding reception. When
invitations have
been received
to the church but not to the
wedding
reception, cards should be sent to
the bride’s
parents and to the bridal couple.
Women—style, titles.
Women having titles
should use
them before the name—as,
Reverend
or Rev. Mrs. Smith. Physicians use Dr.
before or
M.D. after the name. Office hours
and other
professional matters are omitted on
cards for
social use. Husband’s titles should
never be
used. The home address is put in
the lower
right-hand and the club address in
the lower
left-hand corner.
The card
of the eldest daughter in society
is simply
Miss Wilson.
Cards of admission to church
weddings. These
cards are
used at all public weddings held in
churches,
and when they are used no one
should be
admitted to the church without
one.
They are sent with the wedding invitations.
Balls. See balls-carriages.
Dances. See dances-carriages.
Funerals. See funerals-carriages.
Men. In a general way a man should
provide a
carriage
when escorting a woman in evening
dress to
any function. If she does not wear
evening
dress, and they are going to an informal
affair,
it would be proper to take a
street-car.
Suppers. See supper and theatre parties—men—carriages.
Theatres. See theatres and opera parties given by men—carriages.
Women. A woman accepting, with her
mother’s
or chaperone’s
consent, a man’s invitation to
the theatre
may, with propriety, request him
not to provide
a carriage unless full dress on
her part
is requested.
Catholic priest—how addressed. An official
letter
begins:
Reverend and Dear Sir, and ends: I
have the
honor to remain your humble servant.
A
social letter begins: Dear Father Wilson,
and ends:
I beg to remain faithfully yours,
The
address on the envelope is: The Reverend
John J.
Wilson. But if he holds the
degree of
D.D. (Doctor of Divinity), the
address
is: Reverend John J. Wilson, D.D.,
or Reverend
Dr. John J. Wilson.
Celery is eaten with the fingers.
Change of residence. Women.
After a change of
residence,
the cards of the entire family
should be
sent out as soon as possible.
Chaperone. A chaperone takes precedence
of her
charge in
entering drawing or dancing rooms
and on ceremonious
occasions. At an entertainment
both enter
together, and the chaperone
should introduce
her protege to the
hostess
and to others. The two should remain
together
during the evening. In a
general
way the chaperon takes under her
charge the
social welfare of her protege.
Balls. A mother should attend
balls with her
daughters,
going and returning with them,
and if she
is not invited, it is in good taste
for the
daughters to decline the invitation.
A father
can act as escort, if need be, instead
of the mother.
A mother can delegate her
powers to
some one else when requested to
act as a
chaperone.
Men calling. A man should
ask the chaperone’s
permission
to call upon her protege,
and once
it is granted no further permission
is necessary.
The chaperone should be present
while a
debutante receives male callers
the first
year, and when the first call is made
she should
be present throughout the evening
and should
decide as to the necessity
of her presence
during subsequent visits.
Cards. A chaperone introducing
and accompanying
young women
should leave her own
card with
that of her protege.
Dances. The chaperone should
give her
permission
to a man who desires to dance,
promenade,
or go to supper with her charge,
who should
not converse with him at length
save at
the chaperon’s side, and the chaperon
should accompany
both to supper. If without
an escort,
the young woman may accept
the invitation
of her last partner before
supper is
announced.
Introductions. A man should
never be introduced
direct by
card or letter to a young
unmarried
woman. If he desires to be
introduced,
the letter or card of introduction
should be
addressed to her chaperone or
mother,
who may then introduce him to the
young woman
if she deems it advisable.
At an entertainment
a chaperone may ask
a young
man if he wishes to be introduced
to the one
under her care.
Letters of introduction.
A man having a
letter of
introduction to a young woman
should present
it in person to the chaperone.
If the latter
is out when he calls, he should
mail it
to her, and she may then notify him
when he
may call, and should herself be
present.
Supper, tea, dinner.
A young woman receiving an
invitation
to a man’s supper, tea,
or dinner
may accept if she has the consent
of her mother
or chaperone, and is assured
that a chaperone
will be present.
Theatres. A chaperone’s
permission should be
asked before
a man’s invitation to the theatre
can be accepted.
The chaperone can also
accept,
on behalf of her protege, invitations
from men
to theatre parties or suppers,
if she too
is invited.
The chaperone should be present at mixed theatre parties—one for small, and two or more for larger parties and suppers. The chaperones may use their own carriage to call for the guests, and then meet the men at the places of entertainment. The chaperone should say when the entertainment shall close.
Unable to be present.
When a chaperone
is unable
to fulfill her duties, she may delegate
them to
another, provided it is agreeable
to all concerned.
Cheese is first cut into small bits, then placed
on
pieces of
bread or cracker, and lifted by the
fingers
to the mouth.
China wedding. This is the twentieth
wedding anniversary,
and is not
usually celebrated; but
if it is,
the invitation may bear the words
no
presents received, and congratulations may
be extended
in accepting or declining the
invitation.
An entertainment is usually
provided
for. Any article of china is appropriate
as a gift.
Choir-Boys at weddings. These
form a brilliant
addition
to a church wedding, and when
employed
they meet the bridal party in the
vestibule,
and precede them to the altar,
singing
a hymn or other appropriate selection.
Dress. The mother wears an elaborate
reception
gown to
the church, with white gloves and
a light
hat or bonnet.
If the ceremony
is at the house, she can
wear an
elaborate tea-gown.
The guests
wear afternoon or evening
dress, according
whether the ceremony comes
before or
after 6 P.M.
Flowers. A christening ceremony offers
a good
opportunity
for the guests who desire to
present
flowers to the mother. This is not
obligatory,
however, and must remain a
matter of
personal taste.
Gifts. A christening ceremony offers
a good
opportunity
for the invited guests, if they
desire,
to send a present to the baby.
These should be sent a day or two before the ceremony, and if of silver should be marked with the child’s name, initials, or monogram.
Guests. The invitations should be
promptly
answered.
At a church
ceremony the guests, as they
are few
in number, assemble in the front
pews.
At a large house christening the affair is conducted somewhat like an afternoon reception. Wine is drunk to the child’s health, and the guests take leave of the hostess.
Invitations are issued by the wife only
to intimate
friends,
and should be promptly answered.
If the christening
is made a formal entertainment,
to take
place in the drawing-room,
the invitations
may be engraved.
Men. If the ceremony is in the afternoon
they
wear afternoon
dress, but at an evening
affair evening
dress.
At an afternoon
ceremony in the summer
it is allowable
for the men to wear straw
hats and
light flannel suits.
At a large house christening the affair should be conducted somewhat like a reception, and men on departing should take leave of the hostess.
Women dress as they would for an afternoon
reception
if the ceremony
comes in the afternoon, and if it comes
after breakfast
or luncheon, as they would for a breakfast
or luncheon.
At a large house christening the affair should be conducted like a reception, and women should take leave of the hostess on their departure.
Church. A man usually follows the
woman, who
leads to
the pew, and he enters after her,
closing
the door as he does so.
He should
find the places in the service
book for
her.
This same
courtesy he should extend to a
woman who
is a stranger to him.
CLERGYMAN.
Christening fees. It is
customary to send a
fee to the
officiating clergyman, unless he is
a relative
or a near friend.
Evening dress. Custom permits
a clergyman
to wear
his clerical dress at all functions at
which other
men wear evening dress; or,
if he wishes,
he may also wear the regulation
full dress.
The wearing of either is a matter
of taste.
How addressed. All mail and
correspondence
should be
addressed to Rev. Mr. Smith, but
in conversation
a clergyman should be addressed
as Mr. Smith.
If he has received the degree of D.D.
(Doctor
of Divinity)from some educational institution,
then he
is addressed as Dr. Smith, and his mail should
be addressed
as Rev. Dr. Smith.
Wedding ceremony.
The officiating clergyman (minister or priest)
is selected by the bride, who usually chooses
her family minister, and the latter is then
called
upon by the groom with regard to the details.
If a
very intimate friend or relative of the groom
Carriage. A carriage should
be provided by
the groom to take the clergyman to the
church, then to the reception, and thence to
his house.
Fee. A fee should be paid
the clergyman by
the groom through the best man, who should
hand it to him immediately after the ceremony.
If two or three clergymen are present
and assist, the fee of the officiating clergyman
is double that of the others. The clergyman
should receive at least five dollars in gold,
clean bills, or check, in a sealed envelope,
or more, in proportion to the groom’s
financial
condition and social position.
Wedding reception. The
clergyman should
always be
invited to the reception.
Address. If residing at a club,
a man’s visiting-
card should
have his club’s name in the lower
right-hand
corner; if not, the name should
be put in
lower left-hand corner.
Stationery. This is always in good
form for
social correspondence
by men.
Coaching. See driving.
Coachman-tips. It is customary when
a guest
leaves a
house party after a visit to give the
coachman
a tip.
College degrees. Custom, good taste,
and the fitness
of things
forbid a college man having engraved,
on his visiting-card,
his college degrees—as,
A.B., A.M.,
etc.
Commerce, Secretary of—How Addressed.
An official
letter begins:
Sir, and ends: I have, sir,
the honor
to remain your most obedient servant.
A
social letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends:
I have the honor to remain most sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson,
Secretary of Commerce.
Committees-public balls. Public
balls are conducted
like private
ones, and the etiquette is the
same for
the guests. The difference in their
management
is that, in place of a hostess, her
functions
and duties are filled by committees
selected
by the organization giving the ball.
Conclusion of A letter. The standard
conclusions of
letters
are: I remain sincerely yours, or; Believe
me faithfully
yours.
For business
correspondence the standard
conclusions
are: Yours truly, or; Very truly yours.
For relatives
and dear friends the standard
forms are:
Affectionately yours, or; Devotedly yours.
One should
avoid signing a letter with only initials,
Christian
name, surnames, or diminutives.
Men. In writing formally on
business to a
woman he
knows slightly, a man could say:
I am respectfully
yours. When not on business
he could
write: I beg to remain yours to command.
He should avoid a signature
like: J. Jones
Wilson, but write: James J. Wilson
Women. In social correspondence
a married woman should
sign: Minnie Wilson, and not: Mrs.
John Wilson.
If she wants to make known in a business letter
the fact of her being married, and may not
know
if the person addressed knows the fact, she
may write:
Minnie Wilson
(Mrs. John Wilson)
An unmarried woman would sign her name as:
Minnie Wilson, and if wishing not to be taken
for a widow would sign: Miss Minnie Wilson.
Calls. When death occurs
in the family of a friend,
one should call in person and make kindly
inquiries for the family and leave a card,
but should not ask to see those in trouble
unless a very near and dear acquaintanceship
warrants.
For a very intimate acquaintance, cut flowers may be left in person or sent, together with a card, unless the request has been made to send none.
Cards. A visiting-card is used with
the word
condolence
written on it, and should be left
in person
if possible, but may be sent or
mailed to
intimate friends only if accompanied
by a note
of apology. If out of town, it
should be
sent by mail with letter of condolence.
A Mr. and
Mrs. card may be used at any
time for
condolence, except for intimate
friends.
Letters. Only the most intimate and
dear
friends
should send letters of condolence, and
they may
send flowers with the note unless
the request
has been made to send none.
CONGRATULATIONS.
Birth, announcement of.
If wishing to
send congratulations
after a birth, cards
should be
left in person or sent by messenger.
Cut flowers
may be sent with the card.
Cards. A Mr. and Mrs.
card can be used at any
time for
congratulations. If left in person,
which is
preferable, the card should be accompanied
by a kindly
message, and, if sent
by mail
or messenger’ the word congratulations
should be
written on it. Business and professional
men are
not required to make personal calls, and
so may send
their cards. A Mr. and Mrs. card can
be used
for all but near friends.
When a card
is left in person, with a message
of congratulations,
nothing should be
written
thereon.
A man may
mail his card to a woman engaged
to be married,
if acquaintance warrants
the action.
Congratulations upon the birth of a child may be expressed by a man to its father by sending a card with the word Congratulations written on it, or by leaving it in person.
A card should be mailed to a
man engaged
to be married.
Weddings. Congratulations
may be sent with
letter of acceptance or declination to a
wedding
to those sending the invitations. And
if acquaintance with bride and groom warrant,
a note of congratulations may be sent to
them also.
Guests in personal conversation
with the
latter give best wishes to the bride and
congratulations to the groom.
Wedding anniversaries.
In accepting or
declining invitations to wedding anniversaries,
congratulations may be extended.
Conversation at dinners. Aim at
bright and general
conversation,
avoiding all personalities and
any subject
that all cannot join in. This
is largely
determined by the character of the
company.
The guests should accommodate
themselves
to their surroundings.
Cooks-tips. It is customary for men
who have
been guests
at a house party when they
leave to
remember the cook by sending her
a tip.
Corn on the cob is eaten with
the fingers of one hand.
A good plan
is to cut off the kernels and eat
them with
the aid of a fork.
Corner of card turned down.
This is no longer
done by
persons when calling and leaving
cards.
Correspondence. How to address official
and social
letters.
See under title of person addressed
—as,
archbishop, etc.
Costume balls.—Invitations.
Invitations are similar
to invitations
to balls, except that they have
in place
of dancing in the lower left-hand
corner.
Costume of the XVIIIth Century,
Bal
masque,
or Bal Poudre.
Cotillions. Germans are less formal than
balls.
Supper precedes
the dancing. Those who
do not dance
or enjoy it can leave before
that time.
The etiquette is the same as for balls.
Dress. The regulation evening dress is worn.
Hostess. The rules governing
a hostess when
giving a
ball are the same for a cotillion,
with this
addition—that there should be an
even number
of men and women, and, failing
this, more
men than women.
It is for
the hostess to choose the leader
of the cotillion,
and to him are entrusted all
its details.
At the conclusion of the cotillion the hostess stands at the door with the leader at her side, to receive the greetings and the compliments of the guests.
See also balls—hostess.
Invitations. The invitations
are engraved, and the
hour for
beginning is placed in the lower
left-hand
corner, and are sent out two weeks
in advance.
They may be sent in one envelope.
Such invitations
should be promptly accepted
or declined.
COTILIONS by subscriptions. These are
given by leading
society
women, who subscribe to a fund
sufficient
to pay all expenses of the
entertainment.
They are usually held in some
fashionable
resort where suitable
accommodations
can be had.
Guests are
shown to the cloak-room, where
attendants
check their wraps.
After the supper, the German, or cotillion, begins. Those not dancing in this generally retire. When leaving, guests should take leave especially of the patroness inviting them.
Dress. Full dress is worn by all.
Invitations. The patronesses
whose names appear
on the back
of the cards are the subscribers.
They send
out the invitations to
their friends.
A presentation card, to be
shown at
the door, is sent with the invitation.
Men. Men wear evening dress.
The men wait upon their partners and themselves at the table, the waiters assisting, unless small tables are used, when the patronesses sit by themselves, and others form groups as they like. The guests are served by the waiters, as at a dinner.
When retiring,
guests should take leave
especially
of the patroness inviting them.
PATRONESSES. The patronesses stand
in line to
receive
the guests, bowing or shaking hands
as they
prefer.
When supper is announced, the leading patroness leads the way with her escort, the others following. If small tables are used, the patronesses sit by themselves.
Women. Women wear full dress.
When guests
depart, they should take
leave especially
of the patroness inviting
them.
Countess—how addressed.
An official letter begins:
Madam, and
ends: I have the honor to
remain your
Ladyship’s most obedient servant.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable
The Countess of Kent.
A social
letter begins: Dear Lady Kent,
and ends:
Believe me, dear Lady Kent,
sincerely
yours.
The address is: To the Countess of Kent.
Country calls. The usual rule in calling
is for the
residents
to call first upon the temporary
cottage
people, and between these latter the
early comers
call first upon those coming
later.
In the city
there is no necessity for
neighbors
to call upon each other.
Crackers should be broken into small pieces and
eaten with
the fingers.
Crests. If men and women wish, these may
be
stamped
in the latest fashionable colors on
their stationery.
It is not customary to use
a crest
and a stamped address on the same
paper.
The present
fashion in crests is that they
should be
of small size.
It is not
usual to stamp the crest on the
flap of
the envelope.
If sealing-wax
is used, some dull color
should be
chosen.
A person
should avoid all individual
eccentricities
and oddities in stamping, such
as facsimile
autographs, etc.
Crystal weddings. This anniversary
comes after
fifteen
years of married life, and the
invitations
may bear the words: No presents
received,
and on their acceptance or declination,
congratulations
may be extended. An
entertainment
should be provided for. Any
article
of crystal or glass is appropriate as a
gift.
Carriages. A man should secure
his carriage-check
when leaving
his carriage. It is safer
to take
wraps and coats to the house in case
of accidents.
When taking
a woman wearing evening
dress to
a ball or dance, a man should
provide
a carriage.
Debutante. See dances—women—debutante.
Dress. Evening dress is worn by men
and
women.
Dinner invitations. The hostess issues
two
sets of
invitations—one for those invited to
both dinner
and dance, and one for those
invited
to the dance only.
For the former, the hostess should use her usual engraved dinner cards, with the written words: Dancing at eleven, and for the latter her usual engraved At Home cards, with the written words: Dancing at eleven.
A less formal way is to use, instead of the At Home card, a Mr. and Mrs. card, or Mrs. And Miss card, with the following written in the lower left-hand corner: Dancing at ten. March the second. R. S. V. P.
Invitations. These should be acknowledged
by an acceptance,
or declined, with a note of
regret within
one week.
Men. Asking A woman to dance.
A man
asks for
the privilege of a dance, either with
the daughter
of the hostess or with any guest
of the latter
or any young woman receiving
with her.
On being
introduced to a woman, he may
ask her
for a dance, and he should be prompt
in keeping
his appointment.
It is her privilege to end the dance, and, when it is ended, he should conduct her to her chaperone, or, failing that, he should find her a seat—after which he is at perfect liberty to go elsewhere.
If for any cause a man has to break his engagements to dance, he should personally explain the matter to every woman with whom he has an engagement and make a suitable apology.
Debutante. At a debutante’s
reception the
first partner
is selected by the mother, usually
the nearest
and dearest friend, who
dances but
once, and the others follow.
Invitations. Invitations to balls
or assemblies
should be
answered immediately; if declined,
the ticket
should be returned. A man should
call or
leave cards a few days before the
affair.
Supper. At balls and assemblies where
small
tables are
provided, a man should not sit
alone with
his partner, but make up a party
in advance,
and keep together.
If a patroness
asks a man to sit at her
table, she
should provide a partner for him.
At supper
the senior patroness leads the
way, escorted
by the man honored for the
occasion.
If one large table is provided, the men, assisted by the waiters, serve the women. When small tables are used the patronesses generally sit by themselves, and the guests group themselves to their own satisfaction.
TRONESSES. Their duties are varied
and
responsible—among
them, the subscription to
the expenses
of the entertainments.
The patronesses should be divided into various committees to attend to special duties —as, music, caterers, supper arrangements, the ball-room, and all other details.
While affairs of this kind could be left in the hands of those employed to carry out the details, it is better and safer for each committee to follow the various matters out to the smallest details.
Those devising
new features and surprises
for such
an occasion will give the most successful ball.
The one
most active and having the best
business
ability should take the lead.
Lists should
be compared, in order to avoid
duplicate
invitations.
The tickets
should be divided among the
patronesses,
who, in turn, distribute them
among their
friends.
The patronesses
should be at the ball-room
in ample
time before the arrival of the guests,
to see that
all is in readiness.
They should stand together beside the entrance to welcome the guests. They should see, as far as possible, that the proper introductions are made, and that every one is enjoying the evening, their own pleasure coming last.
If time permits, a hasty introduction to the patroness beside her may be made by a patroness, but it should not be done if there is the slightest possibility of blocking up the entrance.
A nod of recognition here and there, or a shake of the hands with some particular friend, is all that is necessary. Prolonged conversation should be avoided.
A patroness should not worry over the affair, or leave anything to be done at the last minute. If she has to worry, she should not show it, lest she interfere with the pleasure of others.
They should
be the last to leave as well as
the first
to arrive, to see that the affair closes
brilliantly.
Supper. The senior patroness leads
the way
to supper,
escorted by the man honored for
the occasion.
If one large table is provided, the men, assisted by the waiters, serve the women. When small tables are used, the patronesses generally sit by themselves, and the guests group themselves to their own satisfaction.
If a patroness asks a man to sit at her table, she should provide a partner for him, and in case of a previous engagement, he should notify her by mail.
Women. A woman should always keep
any engagement made,
if possible.
If, for a good
reason,
it is desired to break one, she should
do so in
ample time to enable the man to
secure a
partner.
It is bad form to refuse one partner for a dance and to accept another for the same dance afterward. After refusing to dance, a woman should lose that dance unless previously engaged.
A woman
may refuse to dance at a public
entertainment.
A young
woman chaperoned should not accept a man’s invitation,
unless he
first asks
permission
of her chaperone.
It is not
good taste to keep late hours at an
informal
dance.
In round dances the man supports the woman with his right arm around the waist, taking care not to hold her too closely. Her right hand is extended, held by his left hand, and her left hand is on his arm or shoulder, her head erect.
When tired,
the woman should indicate a
desire to
stop dancing.
When the dancing ends, the woman takes her partner’s arm and strolls about a few minutes. He then conducts her to her seat by her chaperone, and, after a few remarks, excuses himself.
When supper is announced, and the young woman and her chaperone are in conversation with the man who danced with her last, they should accept his offer as escort if they are not already provided with one.
If a woman
is without escort when supper
is announced,
she must rely upon attendants
or members
of the host’s family.
At balls and assemblies where small tables are provided for the supper, the woman should not sit alone at a table with her partner, but she should have others present also.
Debutante. At a debutante’s
reception the
first partner
is selected by the mother, usually
the nearest
and dearest friend, who dances
but once
with her, and the others follow.
DANCES (FORMAL).
Host. When supper is announced, the
host
leads the
way with his partner, followed by
hostess
and escort, the rest following.
Hostess. She should limit the
number of guests
to the capacity
of the house.
Invitations should include more men than women, for some men may not attend, and of those who do come, some may not dance.
An awning and carpet should be spread from curb to steps. The man stationed at the curb should open carriage doors for arriving and departing guests, distribute carriage- checks, and tell the drivers at what hour to return.
The servant
opening the door directs the
guests to
their respective dressing-rooms.
A small
orchestra should be provided and
concealed
behind palms or flowers.
In the absence of polished floors, carpets should be covered with linen crash, tightly and securely laid, in order to stand the strain of dancing.
Friends
may assist in taking care of the
guests,
making introductions, etc.
Supper. Supper may be served
at one large
table or
many small ones, as desired.
Dances (informal). Dances
of this character lack all
possible
formality. The invitations may be
written
or verbal.
Piano music
is all that is required, played
by one of
the family or a professional.
Refreshments of a suitable nature are provided.
See also Chaperone. Dances.
Introductions. The man must
be introduced
to the woman,
and should ask her for the
pleasure
of a dance.
Men. A man should greet the host
as soon as
possible
after seeing the hostess.
At any function
where patronesses are
present,
a man should bow to the one inviting him,
and give
her a few words of greeting.
At balls
all men should dance, and those
who do not,
have no place there, though
invited.
If a man
comes alone and has no partner,
he should
seek hostess or assistants, and request
an introduction
to women who dance.
After a dance a man should take a short stroll about the room with his partner before returning to her chaperone. Before retiring he may converse with her in general terms, from which he should have refrained previously.
A man escorting
one or more women
should see
that they are cared for when supper
is announced.
A man in conversation with a woman when supper is announced, if she is not engaged, may offer to take her into supper. Her chaperone should be invited at the same time.
Introductions
should be made as much as
possible
before the dancing begins.
If introduced
to a young woman, and she
is free
of engagement for the next dance, the
man should
invite her to dance.
Before asking
a chaperoned woman to
dance, the
man should ask permission of her
chaperone.
A man should
pay especial attention to the
women of
the house, and invite them to
dance as
early as possible.
A man should seek out those women who, for some reason, are neglected by selfish men, especially unmarried women, and invite them to dance.
Men should
keep engagements a few minutes
before each
dance.
If for some good reason it is desired to break an engagement, it should be done so as to leave ample time for the other to secure a partner for that dance.
In round dances, the man supports the woman with right arm about her waist, taking care not to hold her too closely. His left hand holds her right one, both extended.
The woman
should indicate when she desires
to stop
dancing.
All persons
should be at a formal dance
not later
than half an hour after the hour set.
A man should
secure his carriage-check.
It is safer
to take wraps and coats to the
house in
case of accidents.
Gloves. Gloves should be worn at
formal
dances,
and should be put on before entering
the room.
Shaking hands. It is not customary
to shake
hands at
formal dances.
Smoking. Smoking should not be allowed
in
the dressing-room,
but a special room should
be provided.
Men who dance should not
smoke until
leaving the house.
Women. The time for the formal dance
is indicated
on the invitation,
and all should be
there not
later than half an hour after the
time set.
At private
dances the maid takes and calls
for the
young woman in the absence of a male
escort.
Young women
should be chaperoned at all
formal dances
by their mother or others.
Introductions
should be made as much as
possible
before the dancing begins.
DAUGHTERS.
Cards. The card of the eldest
daughter in
society
is simply Miss Wilson, and upon her
death or
marriage the card of the next
daughter
becomes the same. Where there
are unmarried
aunts and cousins having the
father’s
name, only the eldest daughter of
the eldest
man can use the form Miss Wilson.
If two or
more sisters enter society at
about the
same time, their names may appear
on their
mother’s card as The Misses Wilson.
The name
of the younger daughter should
appear in
full on her mother’s card—as, Miss
Mary Jane
Wilson.
Until the younger daughter has formally, made her debut, she visits only intimate friends of the family. After her debut she has no card, and her full baptismal name appears on her mother’s card, beneath her name, and not until a year or two after her first appearance does she have a card of her own.
When a mother
leaves her daughter’s card,
it is for
the hostess only.
If reception days appear on the mother’s card, the daughters also receive on that day, as they have no reception date of their own.
After an
entertainment the cards of the
family may
be left for the host and hostess
by the eldest
daughter.
The eldest daughter has her
own circle of
acquaintances, and can visit and receive independently
of her mother.
Duties at balls. See balls—duties
of
daughters.
Daughter of Baron—how
addressed. An official
letter begins:
Madam, and ends: I have the
honor to
remain, Madam, your obedient servant.
A social letter begins:
Dear Miss Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, I remain sincerely
yours.
The envelope addressed to the eldest daughter reads: To the Honorable Miss Wilson, but to a younger daughter: To the Honorable Minnie Wilson.
Daughter of Duke—how
addressed. An official
letter begins:
Madam, and ends: I have the
honor to
remain your Ladyship’s most obedient
servant.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable
the Lady Jane F. Wilson.
A social
letter begins: Dear Lady Jane,
and ends:
Believe me, dear Lady Jane, very
faithfully
yours.
The address is: To the Lady Jane F. Wilson.
Daughters of Earl—how
addressed. An official
letter begins:
Madam, and ends: I have the
honor to
remain your Ladyship’s most obedient
servant.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable
the Lady Jane F. Wilson.
A social
letter begins: Dear Lady Jane,
and ends:
Believe me, dear Lady Jane, very
faithfully
yours.
The address
is: To the Lady Jane F.
Wilson.
Daughter of Marquis—how
addressed. An official
letter begins:
Madam, and ends: I have the
honor to
remain your Ladyship’s most obedient
servant.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable
the Lady Jane F. Wilson.
A social
letter begins: Dear Lady Jane,
and ends:
Believe me, dear Lady Jane, very
faithfully
yours.
The address
is: To the Lady Jane F.
Wilson.
Daughter of viscount—how
addressed. An official
letter begins:
Madam, and ends: I have the
honor to
remain, madam, your obedient servant.
A social
letter begins: Dear Miss Wilson,
and ends:
Believe me, Miss Wilson, sincerely
yours.
The envelope addressed to the eldest daughter would read: To the Honorable Miss Wilson, but to a younger daughter: To the Honorable Minnie Wilson.
Days at home. Only very intimate
persons should
call on
any other days than those named on
an At Home
card.
Day of wedding. The wedding-day
is named by
the bride,
and her mother’s approval is asked
by the groom.
Death in the family. Cards,
writing-paper, and envelopes
should be
bordered in black. The
announcement
of the death may be printed
or engraved,
preferably the latter. Full
name of
deceased, together with date of
birth and
death, and residence, should be
given.
The frequenting of places of amusements, entertainments, or social functions should not be indulged in for at least a year if in mourning for near relatives.
Condolence. After a death in
the family of an
acquaintance,
a card with the word Condolence
written
on it should be left in person
or by messenger.
For very intimate acquaintances,
cut flowers
may be left in person
or sent,
together with a card or letter, unless
request
has been made not to do so.
Debutante. A debutante should make her debut
between
the ages
of seventeen and twenty, and
should not
appear at any public function before
her debut.
She should be thoroughly
versed in
the laws of good society. She
should be
extremely cautious at all times in
her dealings
with men. She should follow,
without
reserve, the advice of mother or
chaperone.
She should avoid forwardness,
and be quiet
in manner and in speech. Men
acquaintances
should be carefully chosen, and
great care
exercised in accepting invitations
from them.
Afternoon teas (formal).
When a tea is
given in
honor of a debutante, she stands beside
the hostess
(usually her mother), and
each guest
is introduced to her. Flowers
should be
liberally provided, and friends may
contribute
on such an occasion.
A debutante should not make any formal visits alone the first year, and should not receive men visitors unless her chaperone is present. Should a man call during the first season, and neither her mother nor her chaperone be present, she should decline the visit. She may make and receive visitors alone the second season.
When calling
upon a debutante, men and
women should
leave cards for her and her
mother.
Cards. A debutante should use
her mother’s
card with
her name engraved under her
mother’s,
but after a season she uses her own
card.
Personal cards should not be used
during the
first season. If she is the eldest
unmarried
daughter, her name is engraved
(as, Miss
A—) beneath her mother’s name,
but if there
are other sisters, with the initials
(as, Miss
A. A—).
The cards
of a debutante may be sent by
mail or
messenger.
Dances. A debutante always receives
with her
mother standing
by her side. A good order
is for the
mother to stand nearest the door,
the debutante
next, and the father last.
It is a
good plan for the debutante to ask
a few of
her girl friends to stand beside her
the first
half hour.
The mother
should introduce guests to her
daughter,
who may introduce them to her
friends.
The debutante shakes hands with each one introduced to her. She dances every dance, and at the end stands beside her mother to receive the greetings of the guests.
The girls standing up with the debutante after the first hour are free to dance and enjoy themselves as they please without standing in line again.
Men. Her mother should select
in advance the
Debut. When her mother receives
visits after
her debut,
the daughter is included, and
should be
present. The mother should keep
a complete
record of the visits made by entering
the cards
in a book kept for that purpose.
Flowers. Friends should
send flowers to a debutante
at a formal tea given in her honor.
Men. When calling upon
a debutante, a man
should leave cards for her and her mother,
whether the entertainment was attended or
not.
See also debuts.
Debuts. A debut may be made at a dinner,
reception,
or ball. The debutante’s card
should be
enclosed with the invitation, reading:
Miss Wilson;
or, if a younger daughter,
Miss Minnie
Wilson. For an “At
Home”
debut, the least formal of all these
entertainments,
the name of the debutante is
engraved
below that of her mother.
The mother and elder unmarried sisters prior to the debut should call formally upon those whom they wish to invite to the ceremony. Cards of the family are left, including those of father and brothers.
Balls—invitations.
When a young woman is
to be introduced
into society by a ball given
in her honor,
the parents may use a Mr. and
Mrs. calling
card, with the words added in
writing:
Dancing at ten o’clock, with card of
the debutante
enclosed.
Or the parents
may use a specially engraved
invitation.
Cards, leaving. At the
entertainments at a
debut, as
at a supper, cards should be left for
the mother
and daughter, and if guests are
unable to
be present, they should send them
the day
of the entertainment.
Entertainments. Debuts may be
an “At
Home,”
supper, or dinner, the latter being
more formal,
and only intimate friends being
invited.
When making her debut, the debutante
should stand
beside her mother in the
drawing-room,
near the door, and be introduced
by her.
On formal occasions the
father stands
with them. The debutante
may receive
flowers from intimate friends
only.
At homes. These are the least formal.
Suppers or dinners.
If the debut takes the
form of
a supper or dinner, the brother takes
in the debutante,
and the father the most
distinguished
woman; or, if there is no
brother,
he takes in the debutante himself,
and she
is seated at his left hand. The
mother is
escorted by the most distinguished
man.
Should dancing
follow, the mother should
select the
first partner, who dances but once,
when others
are at liberty to follow.
Guests. Guests should offer
congratulations to
a debutante
at her debut in a few well-chosen
words, and
also to the parents. A few
moments
of conversation with her only is admissible.
Invitations. Invitations are
engraved, and
should be
sent by mail or messenger two
weeks in
advance, addressed to Mr. and Mrs.
A, or Mrs.
B, or The Misses A. While the
invitations
to a family may be enclosed in
one envelope
and sent to the principal one
of the family,
the son of the family should
receive
a separate invitation. Men should
receive
separate invitations and acknowledge
them, in
person.
Acknowledgment is mot necessary for an “At Home” debut occurring in the afternoon, but would be for a formal one in the evening, for which special engraved invitations had been sent.
If invitations for an afternoon “At Home” reception are accepted, cards should be left for mother and daughter. And, if not attending, cards should be sent by mail or messenger.
Diamond weddings. These occur after
seventy-
five years
of married life, and naturally are
of very
rare occurrence. If they are celebrated,
the invitation
may bear the words:
No
presents received, and congratulations
may be extended
in accepting or declining
the invitation.
An entertainment should be
provided
for. Any article of diamonds or
precious
stones is appropriate as a gift.
Dinners. If the circle of acquaintances
is large,
a series
of dinners is necessary during the
season.
Dinners
should begin at an hour between
seven-thirty
and eight-thirty.
The dining-room
should be bright and
attractive,
well lighted, and artistically decorated
with flowers.
The success of a dinner lies in the selection of the guests, with regard to their congeniality to each other, and their conversational powers and varying attainments. It is better to have a few at a time, perhaps eight, as a larger number is unmanageable.
Calls. Guests should call soon after the dinner.
Dress. Full dress is worn by
both men and
women.
Guests. When guests are not
congenial, or have
dislikes,
they should not show it, but appear
as if the
contrary were the case.
Guests should
be prompt in arriving at the
hour named.
At the table it is in good taste to accept whatever is offered, eating it or not, as one desires. Wines should be accepted, even if one does not partake of them. And if a toast is offered, a guest should recognize the courtesy by raising his glass.
Conversing
across the table is permissible,
provided
the distance does not require the
voice to
be unduly raised.
When coffee
is served in the drawing-room,
young women
serve, and the men hand it to
the guests.
When the men re-enter the drawing-room after the coffee, the guests should retire, unless some further entertainment follows. This is usually about eleven o’clock. When leaving, a guest should thank the host and hostess, making some agreeable and appropriate remark suitable to the occasion.
Host. When dinner is announced, the
host
offers his
left arm to the woman he escorts.
She may
be the special invited guest, or the
most prominent
guest present.
The signal for all to rise is given by the hostess, who bows to the woman on the host’s right. The men escort the women to the door or drawing-room, after which they return, and cigars and liquors are offered.
The host wears full dress.
Guest late. The host should
always come
forward
to shake hands with the late-comer,
and help
him to find his seat, and do all in
his power
to make his late-coming quickly
overlooked.
Hostess. The hostess receives
her guest at the
parlor entrance.
At table the guests should remain standing until all have found their places, when the host and hostess seat themselves, after which the others follow. The men should assist the women they escort before taking their own seats.
At an informal dinner a hostess should introduce a man to the woman he is to escort to dinner, informing him whether he is to sit on the right or left hand of the host.
When the dinner is announced the host with his escort leads the way, followed by the guests, and the hostess and her escort come last.
Guest late. The hostess
should always bow
and shake
hands with a guest arriving late,
but does
not rise unless the guest is a woman.
Hours. Dinners begin from 7
to 8 P.M., and
usually
last from one hour to an hour and a
half.
Introductions. If a man is not
acquainted with
the
woman assigned to him, the hostess
should
introduce him to the woman.
Invitations. These should be
acknowledged
immediately
by a letter of acceptance, or declining
with regret.
The invitations are given in the name of husband and wife, and should be sent out two or four weeks in advance. R. S. V. P. is not used, and they should be answered immediately.
Invitations to a dinner in honor of a special guest are engraved, and state this fact. If for good reasons there is not sufficient time to engrave, an ordinary invitation may be used, and a visiting-card enclosed, upon which is written: To meet Miss Wilson.
For ceremonious
dinners, cards may be engraved,
with place
for guest’s name left blank
and filled
in by hand.
When frequent
dinners are given, invitations
may be engraved,
with blanks to be
filled with
dates, etc.
Written
invitations are also proper to indicate
an unceremonious
dinner. Note sheets
can be used.
Husband and wife.
Both the husband and
wife should
always be invited to a dinner.
When a husband and wife are invited to dinner, and the former does not accept, the wife should decline, giving her reason. The hostess can then invite the wife only, who may accept.
Men. Full dress is necessary
for all except informal
dinners.
The man at the door, after asking the guest’s name, hands him an envelope, with his name upon it, enclosing a card with the name of the woman he is to escort to dinner; or these envelopes may be in the dressing- rooms, if preferred. It will also be designated at which side of the table (right or left) a man is to sit; or a diagram of the table, with the names of the guests, should be hung in each dressing-room. The guests pair off as indicated.
As soon as possible a man should seek the woman assigned to him, and inform her that he will be pleased to act as her escort, disguising any personal preference he may have otherwise.
He should
offer his left arm when escorting
her to dinner.
When the dinner is announced, the host leads the way with the woman he escorts, and the rest follow. To avoid confusion, a man should remember on which side of the table he is to sit, his place being indicated by a dinner card.
If unacquainted
with the woman a man is
to escort
to dinner, he should seek an introduction
from the
hostess.
When the women rise to leave, the men rise and remain standing until the women leave the dining-room, or they may accompany them to the drawing-room, and then return for coffee and cigars. They should not remain longer than half an hour.
Leaving cards. After a
dinner a man should
leave a
card for host and hostess, whether
the invitation
was accepted or not; or it
may be sent
by mail or messenger, with an
apology
for so doing.
Precedence. The host offers
his right arm to
the woman
who is the guest, or the most distinguished
woman, or
the eldest, or the one
invited
for the first time. If the dinner is
given in
honor of a married couple, the host
would take
in the wife, and the husband
would accompany
the hostess, who comes
last in
the procession into the dining-room.
It is a
fixed rule that relatives, or husbands
and wives,
are never seated together.
If possible,
there should be an equal number
of men and
women, and if the latter outnumber
the former,
the hostess enters alone.
Second helping. At formal
dinner parties,
luncheons,
and breakfasts, second helpings
are never
offered by the host or hostess, and
should not
be asked for by the guests. This
is only
permissible at a small dinner party
or at the
daily family meal.
Of course, this does not apply to a second glass of water for which the guest might ask, or for wine, for which the butler should keep a good lookout.
Table etiquette. See table etiquette.
Women. When wraps have been
removed, and
the woman
leaves the dressing-room, the escort
chosen by
the hostess approaches and makes
known the
fact, accompanying her to the
table.
If the escort is not thoroughly agreeable
to the woman,
she should conceal the
fact.
At the conclusion of a dinner the hostess rises and the women follow, leaving their napkins unfolded. They retire to the drawing-room, while the men remain for coffee and cigars. If the men prefer, they may escort them to the drawing-room, where they bow and return.
Gloves. Women may remove their
gloves at
table, and
it is not necessary to replace them.
They should
be laid in the lap. The hostess
generally
determines whether the women
should resume
their gloves or not by her own
actions.
Full dress is worn.
Given by men—women.
A young woman may
accept a
man’s invitation, provided she has
the consent
of her mother or guardian, and
is assured
that there will be present a chaperone.
Given by bachelors. See bachelors’ dinners.
Invitations. The hostess issues
two sets of
invitations—one
for those invited to both the
dinner and
the dance, and one for those invited
to the dance
only.
For the former she could use her usual engraved dinner cards with the words: Dancing at eleven, and for the latter her usual engraved At Home cards with the words: Dancing at eleven.
A less formal way for the latter invitation is to use the Mr. and Mrs. card or Mrs. and Miss card, and to write on it in the lower left hand corner: Dancing at ten, February the tenth.
Doctor—how addressed. A doctor or physician
should be
addressed as Dr. both by correspondence
and in conversation.
This title of Dr. must not be confounded with the honorary degree of Doctor of Divinity, conferred upon clergymen by educational institutions, and the degree of Doctor of Philosophy, conferred upon college professors after certain conditions of study have been complied with.
Dowager duchess. See duchess, dowager.
Dowager marchioness. See marchioness, dowager.
Afternoon. See afternoon—dress.
Afternoon teas. See afternoon teas—dress.
At homes. See at homes—dress.
Bachelors’ dinners. See bachelor’s
dinners—
dress.
Bachelors’ teas. See bachelor’s teas—dress.
Balls. See balls—dress.
Breakfasts. See breakfasts—dress.
CHRISTENINGS. See christening—dress.
Cotillions. See Cotillions—dress.
Cotillions by subscriptions. See
Cotillions
by subscriptions—dress.
Dances. See dances—dress.
Dinners. See dinners—dress.
Evening. See evening dress.
Garden parties. See garden parties—dress.
High teas. See high teas—dress.
House parties. See house parties—dress.
Luncheons. See luncheons—dress.
MATINEES. See matinees—dress.
MUSICALES. See musicales—dress.
Theatres. See theatres—dress.
Weddings. See weddings—dress.
Dress—men and women. For particulars
as to dress
at different
functions, see each entertainment
—as,
Balls, Dinners, At Homes, Theatres,
Breakfasts,
etc.
Bride. See bride—dress.
Bridesmaids. See bridesmaids—dress.
Calls. See calls—women—dress.
Funerals. See funerals—women—dress.
Maid of honor. See maid of honor—dress.
Mourning. See mourning—dress, women.
Dressing-rooms. At all entertainments,
dressing-rooms
should be provided for both
the men
and for the women, with suitable
attendants,
where all outer wraps, coats, over-
shoes, etc.,
should be left.
DRIVING
Men. When driving with a woman,
a man should
be careful
that the carriage is well drawn up
to the steps,
and that she be given time in
which to
comfortably seat herself before he
begins to
drive.
A man when driving with a woman should refrain from asking her permission to smoke, and, of course, would never do so without her permission.
He should
be careful to lift his hat as if he
were on
the street, and if this is not possible,
to touch
it with the whip in place of a bow.
The host of a coaching party, if he is also the whip, would give the chaperone the seat on the box at the left of his, unless he wished that seat to be occupied by some special young woman. The person occupying this seat should always be helped by the host to climb to her place.
It is customary when the coach is a high one to seat a woman between two men, and they would ascend and descend in the order in which they were seated.
Even if the woman asks a man to drive with her, he should help her to her seat, and be ready to step down when a halt is made to assist her to alight.
It is not customary when a woman has asked a man to drive with her for her to call for him at his club or home, but to meet him at her house.
Dress. The whip wears a gray
suit with a gray
high hat
and gray gloves, with a white silk
tie and
white linen. But in summer this costume
is often
made lighter and more comfortable
to suit
the weather, and a straw hat
or panama,
with flannel trousers and dark
serge sacque
coat, would be in good taste.
There are
no hard and fast rules governing
the dress
of men when driving.
Women. The etiquette in general
is the same
for a woman
as for a man.
When a woman asks a man or a male relative to drive with her, she does not call for him, but meets him at her door. Even if a groom is present, he should help her to mount to her seat, and at the proper time descend before her and help her to alight.
Duchess—how addressed. An
official letter begins:
Madam, may
it please Your Grace, and ends:
I have the
honor to remain your Grace’s obedient
servant.
A social
letter begins: My Dear Duchess of
Kent, and
ends: Believe me, dear Duchess,
yours very
truly.
The address
on the envelope is: To Her
Grace, The
Duchess of Kent.
Duchess, dowager—how addressed.
An official
letter begins:
May it please your Grace, and
ends:
I have the honor to remain your Grace’s
obedient
servant.
A social
letter begins: My dear Duchess
Of Kent,
and ends: Believe me, dear Duchess,
yours very
truly.
The address
on the envelope is: To Her
Grace, The
Dowager Duchess of Kent, or, To
Her Grace,
Minnie, Duchess of Kent.
Duke—how addressed. An official
letter begins:
My Lord
Duke, may it please your grace, and
ends:
I have the honor to be your grace’s most
obedient
servant.
A social
letter begins: My dear Duke of
Kent, and
ends: believe me, dear Duke, your
Grace’s
very faithfully.
The address
on the envelope is: To His
Grace, The
Duke of Kent.
Daughter of. See Daughter of Duke.
Wife of younger son
of. See Wife of
Younger
Son of Duke.
Younger son of. See Son (Younger) of Duke.
Earl—how addressed. An official
letter begins:
My Lord,
and ends: I have the honor to be
your lordship’s
obedient servant.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable
The Earl Of Kent.
A social
letter begins: Dear Lord Kent,
and ends:
Believe me my dear Lord Kent,
very sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Earl of
Kent
Daughter of. See Daughter of Earl.
Wife of younger son.
See Wife of Younger
Son of Earl.
Younger son of. See Son (Younger) of Earl.
Eggs are usually broken into a glass and eaten
with
a spoon.
Elevator. Men should remove their hats when
riding in
an elevator with women, although
it is held
by some that an elevator is as much
a public
conveyance as a car, and this act of
courtesy
as unnecessary in the one place as
in the other.
Women enter and leave before
men.
Men It is his duty to see the woman’s
parents
or guardian,
and to make known his
intentions,
and to tell them fully and frankly
about himself,
his family, his social position,
and business
prospects. He should court the
fullest
investigation, and take his own family
into his
confidence, but not mention it to
others.
Parents of man. They should send
their
pleasant
greetings and congratulations,
accompanied
with flowers, and if both families
are old
acquaintances, a present may be sent
to the prospective
bride.
Parents of woman. The first step
is to bring
together
both parents in social intercourse—
as, by a
dinner given by the man’s or woman’s
family,
when friends may be invited, by
interchange
of notes and congratulations, by
any social
visit, or by any function that good
taste may
dictate.
If one family lives out of town, it may invite various members of the other family living in the city to make visits of some duration, as a week or more. These visits should be returned.
Public announcement. This item of
news is
rarely published
in the papers, but if it is,
the expense
is borne by the family of the
woman.
The public announcement is usually
made at
some social entertainment—as, a
dinner,
tea, or an “At Home,” given by either
family.
At a formal dinner given by the family of the woman, the father takes out his daughter first and her fiance escorts her mother. At the proper time the father drinks his future son-in-law’s health and announces the engagement. All rise, and congratulations follow.
Notes may
be written to intimate friends
informing
them of the happy event.
Women. A woman should at once confide
in
her parents,
and trust to their future
guidance
and to their making a full investigation
of the man,
his social condition, and business
prospects.
They should not mention the
matter to
others.
Immediately after the engagement, each of the two parties should be introduced to the family of the other party. Before the wedding-cards are issued the woman should leave her card personally at the homes of her friends, but without entering. After the wedding-cards are issued she should not appear at any social function, or make any personal visits, or be seen at any place of amusement.
It is not wise for her to call at the place of business of her fiance, and if a meeting is necessary, it is better to make an appointment elsewhere.
Ring. The ring is given by the man
He may ask the woman to aid him in the selection, but it is better for him to make the selection alone. The woman may give the man an engagement ring or a gift if she wishes.
Entertainments—calls after. See calls—men—after
entertainments.
Envelopes, addressing. See addressing envelopes.
Esquire. Either Esq. or Mr. may
be used in
addressing
a letter, but never the two at the
same time.
Evening calls. When no special day
for receiving
is indicated,
calls may be made at any proper
hour, according
to the custom of the locality.
Men of leisure
may call at the fashionable
hours, from
two till five o’clock in the
afternoon,
while business and professional men
may call
between eight and nine in the
evening,
as their obligations prevent them from
observing
the fashionable hours.
Men. Evening dress should be worn
on all
formal occasions,
consisting of the swallow-
tail coat
of black material, made in the
prevailing
fashion, with waistcoat and trousers
of the same
material; or a white vest may
be worn.
The linen must be white. Studs or shirt- buttons may be worn, according to fashion. The collar should be high, and the cravat white. Low patent-leather shoes and white kid gloves complete the costume.
Evening dress should be worn at all formal functions after six o’clock—as, balls, dinners, suppers, receptions, germans, formal stag parties, theatre, opera, and fashionable evening calls where women are present.
The phrase, “evening dress,”
is now used
in place of full dress.
A Tuxedo should never be worn
when
women are present.
See also Tuxedo.
Clergyman—evening
dress.
Weddings, evening. Full evening
dress is
worn by the groom and ushers. Guests are
likewise in evening dress.
Clergyman. Custom permits a
clergyman to
wear his clerical dress at all functions where
other men wear evening dress, or he may
wear evening dress.
Evening receptions. The etiquette is the same
as
for an afternoon
tea (formal), save that no
cards are
left by the guests, and that they
wear evening
dress.
See afternoon teas (formal).
Facsimile cards, engraved, are no longer used.
Family of bride. The family, except
the father,
leave the
house first, then the bridesmaids,
the maid
of honor with the mother, and last
the bride
with her father or nearest male
relative.
At church the family is seated by the
ushers.
At the conclusion of the ceremony they are the first to be escorted from their pew and to take their carriage for the wedding reception or breakfast.
Wedding breakfast. The bride’s father
or
her nearest
male relative takes in the groom’s
mother,
and the bride’s mother, as hostess, is
taken in
by the groom’s father.
Wedding reception. The parents of both
bride and
groom stand up with the married
couple,
and are introduced to the guests.
Family of groom. At the church
the family and
relatives
of the groom are seated on one side,
while the
family of the bride and her
relatives
are seated on the other.
Wedding breakfast. The groom’s
mother is
taken in
by the bride’s father, and the groom’s
father takes
in the bride’s mother, who,
acting as
hostess, comes last.
Wedding reception. The
parents of both
bride and
groom stand up with the married
couple,
and are introduced to the guests.
Farewell bachelor dinner. See
bachelor’s farewell
dinners.
Farewell bridal luncheon. See
bride—farewell
luncheon.
Debuts. When the debut is a
formal one, he
stands beside
his wife and daughter, and
receives
the congratulations of the guests. At
a supper
or dinner he escorts the most
distinguished
woman. If there is no brother to
escort the
debutante, he does so, and she is
seated at
his left hand.
Dinner, engagement. At a formal dinner
given by
the family of the engaged woman
the father
takes out his daughter first and
her fiance
escorts her mother. At the proper
time the
father drinks to the health of his
future son-in-law,
and announces the
engagement.
All rise, and congratulations follow.
He wears evening dress.
The father of the bride, or her nearest male relative, drives to the church with her, and is there received by the ushers and bridesmaids, and escorts her in the procession up the aisle.
After the procession has arrived at the chancel and the groom comes forward to take the bride’s hand, he steps back a little way and waits for the clergyman’s words: “Who giveth this woman away?” He then places the bride’s right hand in that of the clergyman, and retires to his seat in the pew with his family.
Wedding breakfast. He takes in the mother
of the groom,
following the ushers and the
maids of
honor.
Wedding reception. He escorts the
groom’s
mother,
and receives with the married couple.
Father of groom. At a wedding breakfast he should
take in
the mother of the bride, and at a
wedding
reception he receives with the bride
and groom.
At a church
wedding he is, of course, given
a front
seat among those reserved for the
groom’s
family.
He should
wear afternoon dress for an
afternoon
wedding, and evening dress at an
evening
wedding.
Christening. See christening—fees
Wedding. The wedding fee, preferably
gold or
clean bills
in sealed envelope, is given by the
best man
to the officiating clergyman. Custom
leaves the
amount to the groom, who
should give
at least five dollars or more, in
proportion
to his income and social position.
The clergyman
usually gives the fee to his
wife.
A fee should
also be paid to the sexton and
the organist
Fiance, mourning for. In the event of the death
of a woman’s
betrothed shortly before the
date of
the wedding, she may wear black for
a short
period or full mourning for a year.
Finger-Bowl. The fingers should be
dipped in the
water and
gently rubbed together, and dried
on the napkins.
First calls. Newcomers and brides are
called upon
first.
After a
country visit, the visitor should call
first upon
the hostess when the latter returns
to town.
Other things
being equal, the younger or
unmarried
woman calls first upon the older
or married
woman.
A woman
returning to town before another
one would
make the first call.
If one woman
issues her at home card
before another,
she should receive the first
call.
Fish should be eaten with a fork held in the
right
hand and
a piece of bread held in the left hand.
The bones
should be removed from the
mouth with
the aid of a fork or with the
fingers.
If by the latter, great delicacy
should be
used.
Flower girl. The flower girls—one
or two, as may
be the case—follow
the maid of honor up the
isle and
strew flowers in the path of the
bride, who
follows after.
In the procession
down the isle they should
follow the
bride.
Flower girls
and pages are not used now
as much
as formerly.
Flowers. Between friends, flowers may be
sent as
an expression
of sympathy in either joy or
sorrow.
Birth, announcement of.
If wishing to send
congratulations
after a birth, cards should be
left in
person or sent by a messenger. Cut
flowers
may be sent with the card.
Bride. If she wishes, a bride
may present flowers
to her bridesmaids,
and also to the best
man and
ushers.
Christening. A christening ceremony
offers a
good opportunity
for the guests who desire
to present
flowers to the mother. This is
not obligatory,
however, and must remain a
matter of
personal taste.
Condolence calls. When
making a condolence
call upon
a very intimate friend, cut
flowers
may be left in person or sent,
together
with a card, unless request has been
made to
send none.
Debutante. Friends should send
flowers to a
debutante
at a formal tea given in her honor.
Engagement. Flowers should accompany
the
greetings
from the parents of the man to the
parents
of the woman.
Funerals. See funerals—flowers.
Groom. He pays for the bridal
bouquet carried
by the bride
at the wedding ceremony, and, if
he wishes,
for the bouquets carried by the
bridesmaids.
Men. If well acquainted with
a debutante’s
family,
a man may send her flowers at the
time of
her debut.
After a slightly intimate acquaintance, a man can present flowers to a young unmarried woman as a token of sympathy either of joy or sorrow.
It is not
usual for a man to send flowers to
a woman
who is a mere acquaintance.
Balls. It is permissible for
a man, if he wishes,
to send
flowers to a woman he is to escort to
a ball.
Theatre or opera.
It is permissible, but not
necessary,
for a man to send flowers to the
woman he
is to take to the theatre or to the
opera.
Wedding trip. The best
man should arrange
beforehand
all the details of the trip—such as
the tickets,
parlor-car, flowers, baggage, etc.
Pall-bearers. See pall-bearers—flowers.
Fork and knife. See knife and fork.
Formal afternoon teas. See afternoon teas (formal).
Formal dances. See dances (formal).
Fruit. All raw fruit, except melons, berries,
and
grapefruit,
are eaten with the fingers.
Canned fruits
are eaten with a spoon.
Full dress. This phrase is now no longer
in good
usage, and
instead should be used the term:
“Evening
Dress,” which see.
Funerals. A member of the family, or very
near
relative,
should take charge of the ceremony
and direct
the undertaker. A large funeral
should be
avoided, and the ceremony confined
to the immediate
family and nearest relatives,
and, if
possible, the service should be at the
church.
All the details of the funeral should be carefully considered and carried out, with the ceremony started at the hour set, and with all appearance of confusion avoided.
It is not
now customary to watch by the
dead at
night.
Funerals
should be private, and only those
intimately
interested should be invited.
Carriages. A carriage should
always be
provided
to call for the clergyman and to take
him from
the church or cemetery back to his
house.
Carriages should also be provided to
take the
friends, mourners, and pall-bearers
from the
house to the church, and then to the
cemetery
and return. These are provided by
the family.
Dress. See funerals—men.
Expenses. Though it is not customary
for
the clergyman
in Protestant churches to
expect or
to receive fees for conducting funerals,
yet it is
in perfectly good taste to offer him a
fee.
In the Roman Catholic Church the rate
of fees
for funerals is fixed. There are,
besides,
fees for the sexton, the organist, and the
singers.
Flowers. The family, in publishing
notice of
funeral,
may add: “Kindly omit flowers.”
However,
in the absence of such a notice,
at the public
funerals of prominent persons
elaborate
designs may be sent. But at a
private
funeral, if flowers are sent, they
should be
choice and delicate.
The custom is growing of having fewer flowers, and it is no longer in good taste to have a carriage in the procession carrying flowers and set pieces. A good use of the large set pieces is to send them afterward to the hospitals.
If any flowers
are laid upon the grave
they should
be those given by the nearest
relatives.
Invitations. A church funeral
can be attended
by any one,
friend or acquaintance, and no
slight should
be felt at the non-receipt of an
invitation.
Those attending should take
especial
pains to be in the church before the
funeral
procession arrives, and that they do
nothing
to distract from the solemnity of the
occasion.
Notice of death and date of funeral may be printed on heavy bordered cards, or on mourning paper, and sent to friends. Sometimes a notice is written and sent to most intimate friends.
Men—dress. A
man should wear either a black
frock coat
or a black cutaway, with the
necktie,
gloves, and other parts of the dress as
subdued
as possible. Under no conditions
should light
ties or light-colored linen be
worn.
Pall-bearers. See pall-bearers.
Precedence. At a church funeral
the parents,
arm in arm,
follow the body of their child,
and the
children come next in the order of
their age.
A widow,
leaning on the arm of her eldest
son, follows
the body of her husband, and
the other
children come after.
A widower,
attended by his eldest daughter
or son,
follows the body of his wife, and the
children
come after.
The elder children always precede the younger. The pall-bearers are seated at the left of the main isle, and the near relatives at the right.
Public notice. When the
date of the funeral
has been
determined upon, notice should be
published
in the papers, giving date, place,
and time
of funeral—also date of birth and
late place
of residence of deceased. Such
announcement
may contain notice that
the interment
is private, and also the words:
“Kindly
omit flowers.”
A notice of death and date of funeral may be printed on heavy bordered cards or mourning paper, and sent to friends. Sometimes a notice is written and sent to most intimate friends.
Church. The pall-bearers and
the nearest relatives
meet at
the house. At the appointed
hour the
procession leaves the house, the
casket borne
on the shoulders of the undertaker’s
assistants,
followed by the pall-bearers,
relatives,
and friends.
The same order is followed in the procession up the aisle, the relatives occupying the first pews on the right, the pall-bearers the first pews on the left, of the middle aisle. At the conclusion of the ceremony the friends wait until the family and pall-bearers have left, and then quietly retire.
House. At a house funeral, some
one representing
the family
should receive the people
as they
enter and direct them where to go,
it being
customary for the family and relatives
to be in
one room and the friends in
another.
Usually there are no pall-bearers; but if there are, their duties are the same as at a church funeral. The clergyman should stand near the casket, and if there are musicians they should be so stationed that, while they are not seen, they are easily heard. At the conclusion of the ceremony the friends depart, and thus allow the family and relatives to take the last leave of the deceased before they take the carriages for the cemetery.
It is customary
for the family to be in
retirement
at the hour of the funeral, and
they are
the first to enter the carriages.
Those in charge of the house should, after the funeral party has left, arrange the apartments to make them as cheerful as possible, and also provide a substantial meal for the mourners on their return.
Cards. Guests leave their
cards in the hall either
when entering or leaving only at large garden
parties.
Dress. It is customary for women
to wear light
afternoon dresses.
Men wear summer business suits,
yachting
flannels, and straw hats, and even white
duck
trousers. Gloves are not worn.
The regulation frock coat
and high hat is
not worn, save by men from the city or at
some extremely fashionable affair.
Guests. After leaving their
outer garments in
the dressing-rooms, the guests should pay
their respects to the hostess, after which
they are free to enjoy themselves as they
please.
The usual length of stay is
about half an
hour or the whole afternoon.
While guests may arrive at their own convenient time, they would do well to remember that they have not the same freedom to come and go as at an afternoon reception.
Guests should
take leave of the hostess unless
she is very
much engaged.
Hostess. The hostess wears afternoon
dress,
and usually
one that is dainty and delicate—
suitable
for a summer afternoon.
She receives
on the lawn, shakes hands
with each
guest, and makes introductions
when deemed
essential.
She may,
if she so desires, receive with
some member
of her family.
Hours. These are from 3 to 7 P.M.
Invitations. These are issued in
the name of
the hostess,
and may be engraved or written.
Sometimes
the hostess writes on her card:
Garden party,
July 17, from 4 to 7, or she
may use
an at home card, and in the lower
left-hand
corner write: Garden party. The
engraved
card usually indicates an elaborate
affair.
These invitations
may be sent by mail or
messenger.
It is a
good plan to add to the invitations
some information
regarding the trains, or to
enclose
a time-table.
All such
invitations should be promptly
acknowledged
or declined.
Men. Men wear summer business suits,
white
ducks, or
yachting flannels, A tennis suit
would be
permissible.
The regulation frock coat and high hat should be worn only by men from the city attending an affair in the country, or at some extremely fashionable affair.
Men should
greet the hostess both on their
arrival
and departure.
Visiting-cards
are left only at large garden
parties.
Women. Women wear light, delicate,
afternoon
dresses.
They should
greet the hostess, both on their
arrival
and departure.
Visiting-cards
are left only at large and
formal outdoor
affairs.
Germans. See Cotillions.
After house party.
While not necessary, a
guest after
a house party may send some
trifle to
the hostess as a token of pleasure
and appreciation.
Best man. After the groom selects
the best
man, the
latter should send a gift to the
bride, and
may, if he wish, send it to the
groom, a
custom not yet clearly established.
Christening. A christening ceremony
offers a
good opportunity
for the invited guests so
wishing
to send a gift to the baby. These
should be
sent a day or two before the
ceremony,
and, if of silver, should be suitably
marked with
the child’s name, initials, or
monogram.
Engagement. If both families of the
engaged
couple are
old acquaintances, the parents of
the man
may send a gift along with their
greetings
and congratulations.
Wedding. See weddings—gifts.
Gifts between men and women. Books, flowers,
and other
small articles of decoration are
proper gifts
to accept.
Sending valuable gifts of jewelry, or any other article, depends largely upon the relationships of the parties, and should not be done unless the sender is sure of its acceptance. Such gifts should not be accepted from mere acquaintances or friends.
It is bad
form for a man to send expensive
presents
to a woman who may be compelled
to return
them.
Men. At the opera or theatre,
if in full dress,
gloves may
be dispensed with, but they are
worn with
street dress. With formal evening
dress, white
kid gloves should be worn.
For afternoon dress, gloves should be of undressed kid, gray, tan, or brown. When calling, the glove of the right hand should be removed upon entering the drawing-room.
Gloves should not be worn at high teas.
Men—afternoon dress. Undressed
kid
gloves of
a dark color are worn.
Men-balls. Men should always wear
gloves
at all balls,
in summer or winter, in town or
city.
Men-calling on women. Gloves need
not
be removed
at a formal or brief call.
Men-dances. Gloves should be worn
at formal
dances,
and should be put on before entering
the room.
Men-high tea. Men do not wear gloves.
Men-mourning. Black or dark-colored
gloves
should be
worn.
Men—shaking hands. At
weddings, operas,
or dances,
and on all very formal occasions,
men wear
gloves. In shaking hands with
women on
these occasions gloves should not
be removed.
If a hostess
wears gloves at any formal
affair,
a man wears his when he shakes hands
with her.
A man with hands gloved should never shake hands with a woman without an apology for so doing, unless she likewise wears gloves. A sudden meeting, etc., may make a hand-shaking in gloves unavoidable. Unless the other party is also gloved, a man should say: “Please excuse my glove.”
Women. Gloves should always be worn
on the
street.
At dinners,
or formal teas, women should
remove their
gloves at the table and place
them in
their laps.
At dinners and formal teas, when the women have retired to the drawing-room, they may resume their gloves or not, or follow the example of the hostess.
At informal
teas or “At Homes” the
hostess
need not wear gloves.
Breakfast. Gloves should be removed at table.
Dinner. Women may remove their gloves
at
table, and
it is not necessary to replace
them.
They should be laid in the lap. The
hostess
generally determines by her own
actions
whether the women should resume
gloves or
not.
Mourning. Gloves may be of black
kid, suede,
or black
silk. In the evening, black suede
or glace,
or white suede should be worn.
White gloves
with black stitching should not
be worn
in the evening.
Bride. See bride—gloves.
Groom. See groom—gloves.
Ushers. See ushers—gloves.
Godfather. A man asked to be one of the sponsors
at a christening
ceremony should reply by a
written
note or by calling in person.
He should
call immediately on the parents
and send
flowers to the mother, and express
himself
as pleased at the compliment.
He should send a present to the child, usually a piece of jewelry or some silver, and, if a wealthy relative, may deposit a sum of money to the child’s credit, and present him with the bank-book.
He should
also send with his present one
of his calling
cards, on which is written some
appropriate
sentiment.
It is his privilege, when the wine is about to be drunk after the ceremony, to first propose the health of the child and then the health of the mother.
The duties
of the godfather at the ceremony
consist
of assenting to the vows.
Godmother. A woman asked to be a sponsor
at a
christening
should immediately accept or
decline
the invitation either by a written note
or a call.
She should
also call on the parents and send
flowers
to the mother, and express pleasure
at the compliment
paid to her.
It is always customary for the godmother to give the child a gift, such as a christening robe, a cradle, or some piece of silver. If the latter is sent, it should have the child’s name on it. With the gift should be sent the sponsor’s calling card, with some appropriate sentiment on it. It is customary to send the gift to the child itself.
Golden weddings. Fifty years after
the wedding-day
comes the
Golden Wedding. The invitations
may bear
the words: No presents
received,
and congratulations may be extended
in accepting
or declining the invitation. An
entertainment
is usually provided for.
The gifts are, appropriately, articles of gold, and this is a fitting occasion for giving fifty gold pieces of either, five, ten, or twenty dollar denomination. The invitations are appropriately engraved in gold, and the decorations golden in color.
Governor of A state—how
addressed. An official
letter begins:
Sir, and ends: I have the honor,
sir, to
remain your obedient servant.
A social
letter begins: Dear Governor
Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, most sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope is: Governor
John J.
Wilson.
Grapes and plums should be eaten one
by one, and
the pits
allowed to fall noiselessly into the
half-closed
hand and then transferred to the
plate.
Groom. The groom selects his best man, usually
an unmarried
intimate friend, though a married
man or widower
is permissible. After
consultation
with the bride he calls upon the
clergyman,
the organist, the sexton, and invites
the ushers.
When he
is informed by his bride of the
day selected
for the wedding, he should ask
her mother
to accept the day agreed upon.
He may make what present he desires to the bride, and, if he also wishes, to the brides- maids. If any gifts are sent to the groom, they should bear his name or cipher.
He should furnish the bride’s family with a list of names of persons to whom he desires to have invitations sent, designating his preference for those to be asked to the wedding breakfast or reception.
Before ceremony. The day
before the ceremony,
or sooner,
he gives into the safe-
keeping
of the best man the ring and the fee
for the
clergyman.
He also
sends or hands the marriage license
(if one
is needed) to the officiating
clergyman
before the ceremony.
Church, It is not customary for the
groom to
see his
bride on the wedding-day till he
meets her
at the altar. The groom and the
best man
usually breakfast together on the
wedding-day
and arrive in ample time at the
church.
Upon the arrival of the bride in the vestibule, the clergyman enters the chancel, followed by the groom and the best man. The groom then steps forward, and stands at the left of the clergyman, facing the audience. It is a good plan for both the groom and best man to leave their hats in the vestry, but if the groom has not done so, he gives his hat and gloves to the best man on the approach of the bride, and advances to meet her. He gives her his left arm, and together they stand before the clergyman.
At the proper moment he receives the ring from the best man and hands it to the bride. It is no longer in good form for him to kiss the bride after the ceremony, but after receiving the congratulations of the clergyman to give her his right arm, and together they lead the procession to the vestibule.
Clergyman. While the bride selects
the officiating
clergyman,
it is the place of the groom
to call
upon him in regard to the details, and
to pay him
the fee.
If the clergyman from any cause—as, living outside of the State—cannot legally perform the ceremony, a magistrate should be present to legalize the marriage, and should receive a fee.
Dress-evening wedding.
He wears full
evening
dress.
Dress-morning or afternoon
wedding.
He wears
afternoon dress, consisting of a
double-breasted
frock coat of dark material,
waistcoat,
single or double (preferably the
latter),
of same material, or more usually of
some fancy
material of late design. The
trousers
should be of light pattern, avoiding
extremes.
The linen should be white, and
the tie
white or light material, and the gloves
of gray
suede. These, with patent-leather
shoes and
a silk hat, complete the costume.
Expenses. He pays for the license
fee, the
organist’s
fee, and a fee to the sexton.
Nothing less than five dollars in gold, clean bills, or a check in a sealed envelope, or more, according to social position and financial income, should be the clergyman’s fee. Should there be one or two additional clergymen, he pays a fee to each, the fee of the officiating clergyman being double that of the others.
He pays for the carriages of the ushers, the one for himself and the best man, and the one which takes away the married couple on their wedding trip.
He pays for the bouquet carried by the bride, and, if he wishes, for the bouquets carried by the bridesmaids. He also pays for the cuff-buttons or scarf-pins, and, if he wishes, for the gloves and neckties given to the ushers and the best man.
He pays for the wedding-ring—a plain gold one, with initials of bride and groom and date of marriage engraved thereon. He may also present some souvenirs to the bridesmaids.
He may give a farewell dinner a few evenings before the wedding to his best man, ushers, and a few intimate friends. He sits at the head of the table and the best man opposite, and on this occasion he may give the scarf-pins or cuff-buttons, also neckties and gloves, if he wishes, to the best man and ushers.
Farewell dinner. See bachelor’s
farewell
dinner.
Gloves. At a morning or afternoon
wedding,
the groom
wears gray suede gloves.
At an evening
wedding he wears white kid
gloves.
Wedding breakfast. The
bride and groom
enter first, and are seated at the principal
table.
Wedding reception.
The groom and his bride
stand side by side and receive the
congratulations of all present. The guests
serve
them refreshments.
See
also best man. Bride. Ushers.
All
items under
weddings.
Groom’s family. See family of groom.
Groom’s father. See father of groom.
Groom’s mother. See mother of groom.
Guest of honor at
balls, if the ball is given
in honor
of some special person, he should be
met on his
arrival, introduced to the women
of the reception
committee, escorted to the
seat prepared
for him, and be attended to the
whole evening
by the management of the ball.
At the end
of the ball, he should be escorted
to his carriage.
Late at dinners. When a guest arrives
late
he should
make a short and suitable apology
to the hostess,
and then take his seat as
quickly
and as quietly as possible.
The hostess
shakes hands with the guest,
but does
not rise unless the guest is a woman.
The host should in either case rise and meet the guest, and assist him in finding his seat, and endeavor, by making the conversation general, to distract attention from the event.
For duties
of guests, see other functions—
as, balls—guests,
christenings—guests, etc.
Hand-shaking—introductions. Women
and men on
being introduced
may shake hands, but it is
not good
form. A polite bow, a smile, and
friendly
recognition is more correct. If an
advance
is made by either party, it should be
immediately
accepted.
Men—calling.
When making a formal or
brief call,
the hat should be carried in the
hand into
the parlor.
In apologizing to a woman, opening a door, or rendering any service to a woman in public, or in answering a question, the hat should be raised.
When seeing a woman to her carriage, he should raise his hat upon closing the carriage door. When attentions are offered by another man to a woman whom he is escorting, a man raises his hat in acknowledgment of the courtesy and thanks the party.
In a street-car
a man raises his hat when
giving his
seat to a woman.
On the railroad
a man removes his hat in
the parlor-car,
but not in the day coach.
In an elevator
a man should remove his
hat in the
presence of women.
In hotels where corridors are reserved and used as places of meeting and recreation by the guests, no hats should be worn. Standing uncovered when talking to a woman on the street is generally embarrassing to her, and it is better to make a polite bow and replace it after a few seconds.
Mourning. A crape band around the
hat should
be worn—the
width of the band being
determined
by the character of the bereavement.
High tea. This is an elaborate entertainment,
and an elaborate
menu is generally served.
Calls. Calls should be made
in person one week
after the
event.
Guests. Guests wear evening
dress, and should
not remain
more than half an hour.
Invitations. These are engraved,
and the
hour for
the entertainment specified. They
should be
issued in the name of the hostess
only, except
in such cases when the entertainment
is the occasion
of a debut or another
woman assists,
in which event her
name appears
likewise.
The invitations
should be promptly accepted
or declined.
Men. Full dress is worn, but
men do not wear
gloves.
Women. Full dress is worn.
Home weddings. Weddings at the homes
of the
brides vary
much, according to the taste of
the participants.
The ushers, bridesmaids,
best man,
and maid of honor are generally
dispensed
with; but if present, their duties
are the
same as at a church wedding, with
minor differences.
The clergyman stands in a large room decorated with flowers, facing the audience, with the groom beside him. The bride enters on the arm of her father, followed by the bridesmaids and ushers, and the ceremony proceeds as at a church, with the usual congratulations to the groom and best wishes to the bride.
Refreshments are served, either formal or informal. At an afternoon ceremony men wear the regulation afternoon dress, and if in the evening, the usual evening dress.
Honeymoon, See wedding trip.
Honor, seat of. The seat of honor
is at the right
of the host.
Afternoon teas. See afternoon teas—host.
Bachelors’ dinners. See bachelors’
dinners—
host.
Bachelors’ teas. See bachelors’ teas—host.
Balls. See balls—host.
Dances. See dances (formal)—host.
Dinners. See dinners—host.
MATINEES. See matinees—host.
Theatres. See theatre and
opera parties
given by
men.
HOSTESS.
Introductions. Introductions
to the hostess at
an “At
Home” or reception by women
assisting
hostess, to those who have been invited
to the entertainment
by them, are not
recognized
thereafter unless by mutual consent.
The hostess
receiving in her own home
should offer
her hand to all to whom she is
introduced.
The hostess
introduces her immediate family
to all her
guests. No formal permission
is necessary.
In the case
of one woman desiring an introduction
to another,
the hostess should be
asked to
bring this about.
Introductions by chaperones.
At entertainments
both the
chaperone and her protege
should enter
together, and the chaperone
should introduce
her protege to the hostess.
Women calling upon.
When calling formally
upon a hostess,
a woman should leave a card,
whether
the hostess was at home or not.
When a son enters society, his mother, when calling, can leave his cards for him, and invitations to entertainments will follow. If it is impossible for him to leave cards for himself she may continue to do so.
Women leaving cards on.
When a mother
leaves her
daughter’s card, it is for the hostess
only.
High teas. See high teas—hostess.
House parties. See house parties—hostess.
Luncheons. See luncheons—hostess.
MATINEES. See matinees—hostess.
Shaking hands. See shaking hands—host.
Weddings. See mother of bride.
Afternoon teas. See afternoon teas—hours.
Breakfasts. See breakfasts—hours.
Calls. See calls—hours.
Dinners. See dinners—hours.
Garden parties. See garden parties—hours.
Luncheons. See luncheons—hours.
MUSICALES. See musicales—hours.
Receptions. See receptions—hours.
Weddings. See weddings—hours.
House funerals. See funerals—house.
House parties. These usually refer
to a group of congenial
persons,
numbering from four to
twenty-four,
and visiting country homes,
making a
stay of a few days or a few weeks.
Dress. The length of the visit
and the nature
of the house
party determines the extent of
wardrobe
necessary. A guest should carry
at least
three changes of suits—one for the
morning,
one suitable for afternoon entertainments,
picnics,
etc., and the regulation
evening
dress.
Guest. To be a welcome guest the
visitor
should accommodate
himself as much as possible
to the plans
of his hostess and the ways
of the home
life.
A visitor
should avoid the common mistake
of refusing
to make a choice when a
choice is
offered.
A guest
should try to be congenial with
the other
guests, kind to the servants, and
to be considerate
of all others.
Expenses. The hostess should
furnish transportation
for both
guests and baggage to and
from the
station.
Each guest should pay for all expenses incurred by him, and be especially careful, in the case of sickness or misfortune, that some items are not overlooked.
Letter after departure.
If the visit has
been more
than two days, the guest should
write a
short letter to the hostess, telling
of the pleasure
the visit gave them and their
safe journey
home.
A guest
so desiring might send some trifle
as a gift
to the hostess.
Tipping servants. Unless
a hostess positively
requests
her guests not to tip, a guest,
when leaving
at the end of a visit at a private
house, should
remember the servants.
The average
American, from lack of a definite
standard,
too often errs on the side of
giving too
much.
Those giving
personal service should be
remembered,
as well as those who render service—
as, the
coachman and outside servants.
Hostess. While careful to provide
entertainment
for her
guests, a hostess should be careful
not to overentertain,
and to allow each guest
ample time
in which to enjoy themselves
any way
they please. If an entertainment
is planned
for the afternoon, it is well to
leave the
mornings open, and Vice versa.
The success
of the hostess depends on her
making the
guests feel free from care and
ennui.
Caring for the sick.
In addition to the regular
care of
the guest’s room and attention to
his comfort
and pleasure, a hostess should
double her
energies in case her guest is sick.
She is not called upon to pay for the expenses of telegrams, doctor’s bills, medicines, etc., contracted by the guest. If a guest departed without attending to these matters, the hostess would have to pay for them.
Giving farewell, To visitors.
A hostess
should,
in bidding farewell to her visitors,
see that
she does not overdo it.
While it is not strictly necessary that a hostess should accompany a guest to the depot, yet many still follow this rule, especially in the case of an unmarried woman, and are careful to see to all the details of checking baggage, etc.
In the case
of a bachelor, such attention
is not necessary.
A hostess
conveys at her own expense both
the guest
and baggage to and from the
station.
Greeting visitors. When
an hour of arrival
is specified
in an invitation, the guest
should be
met at the station, especially an
unmarried
woman, by the hostess or host.
In case
of married couples or bachelors, a
man servant
may meet them.
In all cases
the hostess should arrange for
the conveyance
of both the guests and their
luggage.
A hostess
accompanies a woman to the
guest chamber,
but sends a man servant
with a bachelor
to the latter’s room.
Invitations. These should state
definitely
when a visit
is to begin and to end. It is
also a good
plan to allude in the invitation
to any special
amusement or entertainment.
These invitations
should be answered
promptly.
Men—dress. A
man should carry with him
one business
suit, evening clothes, and one
outing suit
suitable for afternoon entertainments
—as,
picnics, tennis, etc. This is almost
indispensable,
and more depends upon the
nature of
the entertainments and the length
of the visit.
Women—dress.
A woman should take at least
three changes
of dress—one to travel in and
wear in
the morning, one for evening wear,
and a third
for afternoon picnics, outings,
etc.
The length of her visit and the nature of
the entertainments
and her individual taste
determines
how much she may increase this.
House of representatives, member
of. An official
letter begins:
Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the
honor
to remain your most obedient
servant.
A social
letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson
and ends:
I have the honor to remain
most
sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope is: Hon. John
F. Wilson.
Husband and wife—cards,
visiting. See cards,
visiting-husband
and wife.
In memoriam cards. Printed or
engraved notes, or
special
cards, can be used, and should be
heavily
bordered. Custom allows much diversity
as to the
contents of the card. Place
and date
of birth, residence, date of death,
and any
other information of interest to
friends
and relatives may be given.
Infant’s cards. The full name
of the child should
be engraved,
with date of birth in lower
left-hand
corner, enclosed in envelope with
mother’s
card, and sent by mail. Such cards
are generally
held together with white ribbon.
Informal afternoon teas. These
are the usual afternoon
teas.
By formal afternoon teas are
meant those
for which specially engraved
cards have
been issued, and at which all the
arrangements
are more elaborate.
See afternoon teas.
Interior, Secretary of—how
addressed. An official
letter begins:
Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the
honor to
remain your most obedient servant.
A social letter begins:
My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: I have the honor to remain most
sincerely yours.
The address
on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson,
Secretary Of The Interior.
Introductions. One should be careful in
making introductions.
It is easier
to evade than to cause
disagreeable
complications. It is unpardonable
to introduce
one party to another after
having been
warned not to do so.
Forgetting a person’s name when about to introduce is awkward, and when it does occur, one should apologize and ask name. If a person fails to hear the name, it is proper to inform the one to whom you are introduced and to say: “Pardon me, but I failed to hear your name.” In making introductions one should distinctly pronounce the names.
Parents should not speak of or introduce their children as Miss Anna, but simply my daughter Anna. Only before servants should they be spoken of as Miss Anna.
Persons of celebrity should have introductions made to them. Men should always be introduced to women, the younger to an elder person, and unmarried persons to the married. Persons at an entertainment are introduced to the guest of the occasion.
Women and men on being introduced may shake hands, but it is not good form. A polite bow, a smile, and friendly recognition is more correct.
Those invited to an entertainment are on equal footing; it is therefore not necessary to introduce one to another. Conversation may be held without this formality, though introductions may take place if desired. When an introduction occurs, future recognition is not warranted. For this reason great care should be exercised at entertainments that only those who are congenial to each other should be brought together.
At small
gatherings it is more kindly to
introduce.
When many are present, it is not
customary
to do so.
Introductions
should not take place in a
church or
on the steps.
It is quite proper to introduce one group to another without formality at any outdoor function—athletic games, etc. Such introductions need not imply further acquaintance if undesirable.
Dancing. The man must be introduced
to the
woman, and
he should ask her for the privilege
of a dance.
Entertainments. Introductions
are not absolutely
required
at musicales, teas, “At
Homes,”
etc. One may converse with those
nearest,
but this does not warrant future
recognition.
Men. Men are introduced to women
and single
men to married
men.
When introduced to a woman, a man should bow but not shake hands, and make some pleasant observations, and express pleasure at the introduction.
When introduced
to another man, the
man should
shake hands.
Business introductions are immediate and personal, and are intended to bring men together without much formality. No formality is required in introducing one man to another on casual meeting.
It is well to avoid exaggerated expressions, as: “Delighted to meet you,” or “Glad to know you.” A simple “How do you do” is better.
A man introducing another to a woman should first ask her permission to do so. This gained, he introduces him with the remark: “Mr. Smith desires to be introduced to Miss Wilson.”
A woman’s permission should first be obtained by the party introducing. Very often off-hand introductions take place; but it is better to be more formal and careful, as indicated. If she evades or declines, a man should accept it without any show of feeling, and make it as easy for her as possible.
After an introduction at an entertainment, when a man meets the woman on the street, she should bow first if she desires to continue the acquaintance.
Chaperone. A man should never
be introduced
direct by
card or letter to a young unmarried
woman.
If he desires to be introduced, the
letter or
card of introduction should be addressed
to her chaperone
or mother, who may
then introduce
him to the young woman if
she deems
it advisable.
At an entertainment
a chaperone may ask
a young
man if he wishes to be introduced
to the one
under her care.
Formula. A good formula for
men is: “Mr.
Brown, may
I present Mr. Clark?”
A man presenting a man friend to a woman should say: “Mr. Williams desires to be presented to Miss Wilson. Miss Wilson, allow me to introduce Mr. Williams. This is Mr. Williams, Miss Wilson.”
The formality is sometimes waved, and the forms, “This is Mr. So and So, Miss Jones,” “Mrs. Smith, Miss Jones,” or “Allow me to present ——,” are used when casual meetings occur.
Party introduced. After receiving
call of
party to
whom you have been introduced,
the visit
should be returned. If at home
card was
left, the call should be made only
on the days
specified; if an ordinary card,
call at
any time within three to ten days.
If the party introduced leaves town, he should send his card to his late host before leaving; upon his return, he should leave his card again.
Party introducing by card—women.
A
note of
explanation may be sent by party who
brings about
the introduction to the party to
whom the
introduction is made, giving such
explanations
as may be deemed advisable.
Two cards should be used—a person’s own
card and the card of the party being introduced,
enclosed in envelope, and sent by
mail or messenger. On the left corner over
name of party introduced should be written:
Introducing Mr. Wilson
Party introducing by
letter—women.
Care should be exercised that the introduction
is agreeable to all concerned.
Receptions. The man should
express desire
for an introduction.
Women. Women calling and
meeting others may
be introduced to each other by the hostess.
Upon such an occasion, when a meeting happens
between women, conversation may take
place between them without an introduction.
It does not imply further acquaintance if not
desired.
Extreme etiquette demands that no two women of the same locality be introduced to each other without the consent of both parties. The object of this is that, although the parties may be agreeable to the hostess, they may be objectionable to each other.
Women upon being introduced to each other may shake hands, but a slight inclination of the body, a smile, and an appropriate remark are more correct.
When entering
a room where others are
assembled,
introducing a guest to more than
one person
at a time is unadvisable.
Men are
introduced to women, single
women to
married women, and a young
woman to
an older one.
No woman should allow a man to be introduced to her unless her permission has been first obtained. The exception would be in the case of a very elderly man, or a celebrity, when the honor would be conferred upon her.
A married woman to whom a man is presented receives him with some pleasant remark. An unmarried one receives him with a pleasant smile and repeats his name.
Personal introduction is done by a third party introducing two persons to each other, provided it is agreeable to all concerned. Introductions should be made with extreme care and caution, and not at all unless one is well acquainted with both parties.
Outdoor Introductions—as, when meeting others, or at outdoor sports—need not be formal, but can be done haphazard. This does not imply further acquaintance ifPage 79
not desired.
Formula. A woman should introduce
her husband
to acquaintances
as “My husband,”
and not
“Mr.”; to intimate friends as
“Henry.”
Hostess. Introductions to the
hostess at an
“At
Home,” or reception by women assisting
hostess,
of those who have been invited to
the entertainment
by them, are not recognized
thereafter
unless by mutual consent.
The hostess
receiving in her own home
should offer
her hand to all to whom she is
introduced.
The hostess
introduces her immediate family
to all her
guests. No formal permission
is necessary.
In the case
of one woman desiring an introduction
to another,
the hostess should be
asked to
bring this about.
Introduction, letters of. The
introduction of one
person to
another by letter is as follows: The
party introducing
writes the name of the party
he introduces
upon his own card, and above
his name
the words: Introducing Mr. Wilson
(his friend’s
name). It is then placed in an
envelope
and addressed to the person to whom
the introduction
is to be made. On the
lower left-hand
corner of the envelope, Introducing
Mr. Wilson,
is written, and given to
the bearer
unsealed.
The party to whom a letter of introduction is given should send it by mail to the party they desire to be introduced to, enclosing their own card with address, and then await invitation to call.
This is
preferable to calling in person, as
it may not
be agreeable or desirable for the
party to
open and begin such an acquaintance.
In business
introduction, such formality
may be set
aside.
If a letter
of introduction is personally delivered,
the party
presenting it should also
enclose
card.
If the party
called upon is not at home,
the letter
or card should not be left, but sent
by mail
or messenger.
The one giving another a letter
of introduction
may write to the friend explaining
why it is done, who and what the party is.
If a man sends a letter of introduction
to
a woman, she should acknowledge it, and, if
she wishes, invite him to call.
Party receiving—women.
The party receiving
cards of introduction should call in person
upon woman introduced; if unable to do
so, a letter should be sent, stating reasons
of
inability to be present. A member of
the
family may make the call instead. It
should
be done within three days.
If not agreeable to receive
party for any
reason, a card may be sent or left.
No personal
visit need be made.
INVALID’S calls. A woman unable to
call from sickness
may have
her calls made for her by her
sister,
or daughter, or some female relative.
Invitations. Care should be exercised in
inviting
new acquaintances
to breakfast, luncheon, or
dinner,
unless there are some particular
reasons
why they will be especially agreeable
to those
invited.
All invitations should be sent by mail.
Verbal invitations should be avoided as much as possible, and if a verbal one is given, it should be followed immediately by one in writing.
Accepting or declining.
Invitations to all
entertainments,
when answers are expected,
should be
acknowledged by a written letter
of acceptance
or regret. The answer should
be sent
to the person or committee issuing the
invitation.
Invitations to dinners, musicales, weddings, and breakfasts should be answered at once, and those to balls, dances, and receptions within one week.
Invitations to ordinary “At Homes,” teas, or weddings, which do not include invitations to the wedding breakfast or reception, need no acknowledgment.
The invitations sent to a family—as, mother, or daughter, or several daughters— may be answered by one person for all. But invitations sent to the men of the family should be answered by each man.
When it is found necessary to decline after accepting an invitation, a card should be sent the evening of the entertainment with an explanatory letter the day following.
Balls. Invitations to balls
or assemblies should
be answered
immediately, and if declined the
ticket should
be returned.
Dancing. While a woman may accept
or decline
any invitation
to dance, it is considered a
discourteous
act to refuse one man and to accept
thereafter
from another an invitation to
the same
dance.
Weddings. Such invitations should
be answered
at once,
except when the invitation does not
include
an invitation to the wedding reception
or breakfast,
in which case no answer is
needed.
Addressing. When invitations
are sent to a
husband
and wife and daughter, only one envelope
is needed,
the daughter’s name appearing
under her
parents. Separate envelopes
should be
addressed to two daughters—as,
Misses Wilson.
Separate
envelopes should be addressed to
each son.
Men. If an invitation is sent
to a man, he should
answer it
himself; but if sent to a man and
wife, the
latter may answer for both.
To call with chaperone’s
permission. If
permission
is asked, and if agreeable, a chaperone
should invite
a man to call upon her and
her protege.
Every effort
should be made to call at the
specified
time.
To call on women.
If a woman invites a man
to call
without specifying the time, it is
equivalent
to no invitation at all.
To call on women through
letters of
introduction.
If a man having a letter
of introduction
sends the same by mail to a
woman, it
should be acknowledged by a written
invitation
to call. If the person receiving
the letter
does not care to receive the party, a
card is
sent which ends the matter.
R. S. V. P. The use of these letters—standing
for “Repondez,
s’il vous plait” (Answer, if you
please)—is
decreasing. All invitations bearing
these letters
should be answered at once.
These may
be used on invitations to ceremonious
receptions,
breakfasts, luncheons,
dinners,
and to meet a prominent person.
Wife. When a husband and wife
are invited to
a dinner,
and the former does not accept,
the wife
should also decline and give her
reasons.
The hostess can then invite the
wife only,
who may accept.
Women. A young woman receiving
an invitation
to a man’s
supper, tea, or dinner, may
accept,
if she has the consent of her mother
or chaperone,
and is assured that a chaperone
will be
present.
Women—theatre.
Women receiving an invitation
from a man
for the theatre should have
the consent
of mother or chaperone, and when
they accept,
may, with propriety, request
their escort
not to provide a carriage unless
full dress
on their part is requested.
Afternoon teas. See
afternoon teas—invitations.
Afternoon teas (formal)—invitations.
At homes.
See at homes—invitations.
Bachelors’ dinners.
See bachelors’ dinners—invitations.
Bachelors’ teas.
See bachelors’ teas—invitations.
Balls.
See balls—invitations.
Breakfasts.
See breakfasts—invitations.
Bride.
See bride—invitations.
CHRISTENINGS.
See christenings—invitations.
Cotillions.
See Cotillions—invitations.
See Cotillions by subscriptions—invitations.
MUSICALES.
See musicales—invitations.
Pall-bearers.
See pall-bearers—invitations.
Parties.
See parties—invitations.
Telephone.
See Telephone invitations.
Theatre.
See theatre and opera parties
given by men—invitations.
Verbal.
See verbal invitations.
Ivory wedding. This is the thirtieth
wedding anniversary,
and is not
usually celebrated. If,
however,
it is done, the invitations may bear
the words:
No presents received, and in accepting
or declining
the invitation congratulations
may be extended.
Any article of ivory is appropriate
as a gift.
An entertainment is usually
provided.
Jewelry—men. Jewelry, except
the very plainest,
should not
be worn, and in general the less
the better.
A display of diamonds and fancy
jewelry
betrays the poor taste of the wearer.
A man wearing the pins and badges of secret societies should see that they are small and unobtrusive, for in jewelry, as in all matters of dress, quality rather than quantity is to be desired.
Jr. When the son is named after the father,
he
adds Jr.
to his name. Upon the death of the
father he
omits it. This abbreviation is
sometimes
added to a woman’s name on her
card when
her husband has the same name as
his father,
and it is necessary to distinguish
between
the cards of the daughter-in-law
and the
mother-in-law.
If the mother-in-law should become a widow and wish to retain the husband’s baptismal name, she should add Sr., while her daughter would erase Jr.
If both
become widows, and wish to
retain their
husband’s Christian names, the
daughter-in-law
should add Jr.
Justice of the United states
Supreme court—how
addressed.
An official letter begins: Sir,
and ends:
I have, sir, the honor to remain
your most
obedient servant.
A social
letter begins: Dear Justice Wilson,
and ends:
Believe me, most sincerely yours.
The address
on the envelope is: Mr. Justice
John J.
Wilson.
King of England—how
addressed. An official letter
begins:
Sir, may it please your Majesty, and
ends:
I have the honor to remain your Majesty’s
most obedient
servant.
A social
letter begins: Dear Sir, and ends:
I have the
honor to remain your Majesty’s
most obedient
servant.
The address
on the envelope is: To His
Most Gracious
Majesty, King Edward.
Kiss, wedding. The kiss in the wedding
ceremony
is being
done away with, especially at church
weddings.
Only the bride’s parents and her
most intimate
friends should kiss her, and
for others
to do so is no longer good form.
Knife and fork. The knife is always
held in the
right hand,
and is only used for cutting the
food.
The fork is used not only in eating
fish, meat,
vegetables, and made dishes, but
also ices,
frozen puddings, melons, salads,
oysters,
clams, lobsters, and terrapin.
The knife should never be used
to carry
food to the mouth.
See also spoon.
Knight—how addressed. An
official letter begins:
Sir, and
ends: I have the honor to remain,
sir, your
obedient servant.
A social letter begins:
Dear Sir John Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, dear Sir John,
faithfully yours.
The address
on the envelope is: To Sir
John Wilson.
Wife of. See Wife of Knight.
Laundress—tips. Guests at
the end of a house
party do
not tip the laundress unless she has
done special
work for them.
Leather wedding. This is the twelfth
anniversary
of the wedding-day,
and is not usually observed.
If, however,
it is observed, the invitations
may bear
the words: No presents
received,
and congratulations may be extended
in its acceptance
or declination. Any
article
of leather would be an appropriate
gift.
An entertainment usually follows.
Addressing.
See addressing and signing
letters,
and also under title of person addressed
—as, Governor, Mayor,
etc.
Written after house parties.
If the visit
has been more than two days in length, a
guest should write to the hostess a short
letter, telling of his pleasant visit and safe
journey home.
Conclusion of. See conclusion of A letter.
Of condolence. See condolence, letters of.
Of introduction. See introduction, letters of.
Lettuce leaves should not be cut, but folded
up with
a fork,
and then lifted to the mouth. In the
event of
these being too large for this treatment,
they should
be broken into suitable
pieces with
the fork.
License, marriage. A license, when
required by
State law,
should be obtained by the groom
and handed
to the officiating clergyman the
day before
the ceremony. Usually a small fee
is charged,
and the details, when entered upon
the clerk’s
records, are open to public inspection.
The day
need not be named, and until
the marriage
is solemnized the license has no
binding
effect.
Luncheons. Usually only women are invited
to
these entertainments.
Oddities, such as pink,
blue, and
yellow luncheons, are not in good
taste.
They should be as simple as possible.
Informal
luncheons are the same as informal
breakfasts.
A more formal luncheon
is proper
when introducing a special guest.
Small tables
are used, and diagrams of their
arrangement
are placed in the dressing-room,
designating
the places of the guests.
Calls. Calls should be made
a week after
entertainment.
Women. Women dress in visiting
toilettes and
wear their
bonnets, laying aside their wraps
in the dressing-room.
Gloves should be removed
at table.
After coffee,
the guests should take their
leave, making
some gracious remark to the
hostess.
Calls should
be made a week after the
entertainment.
Given by bachelors. See Bachelors’ Luncheons.
Guests. Only women, as a rule,
attend luncheons.
For further
details, see luncheons—women.
Hostess. Introductions take
place in the parlor.
At the appointed
hour the hostess leads the
way to the
drawing-room, followed by the
guests.
The hostess and principal guest should sit at one of the centre-tables. Between the courses the hostess and two of the women seated with her rise and change seats with others. This may be done by others also if they desire. They take their napkins with them.
Hours. The hour is from 1 to 2 P.M.
Introductions. Introductions
take place in the
parlor.
Invitations. Cards are engraved,
and sent two
weeks in
advance.
Men—leaving cards.
If men are invited, they
should,
after a luncheon, leave a card for host
and hostess,
whether the invitation was accepted
or not;
or it may be sent by mail or
messenger,
with an apology for so doing.
Maids—tips. It is customary
for guests leaving
after a
visit at a private house to remember
the maid
who has taken care of the room
by giving
her a reasonable tip. A woman
should give
more for extra attention.
Maid of honor. This important
person is selected
by the bride,
and acts for her in all details,
being virtually
mistress of ceremonies and filling
a position
requiring administrative ability
and tact.
She acts in the same capacity as
the best
man does for the groom.
She is invited,
of course, to the dinner
given by
the bride to the bridesmaids.
She fulfils
whatever duties the bride has
been unable,
from press of time, to attend to
—as,
making calls, etc.
Church. She goes to the church
with one of
the parents
of the bride, and meets the bride
and the
bridesmaids in the vestibule. In the
procession
she follows behind the bridesmaids,
and precedes
the flower girl, if there
is one—otherwise
the bride. On their arrival
at the altar
she takes her place by the side of
the bride,
and is ready at the plighting of the
troth to
take the bride’s glove and bouquet,
and returns
them to her at the end of the
ceremony.
After the congratulations of the clergyman, she parts the bridal veil, arranges the bride’s train, and follows the bride down the aisle to the vestibule.
Here, after
giving her best wishes to the
bride, she
takes her carriage to the bride’s
house to
take part in the reception or breakfast.
Day of wedding. She
should be at the house
of the bride
on the morning of the wedding-day
to assist
the bride’s mother, to see that
the trousseau
is all ready and packed, that
the bridesmaids
are on time, and to attend
to the many
details liable to arise.
Dress. Her dress should be some
delicate color
other than
white, so as not to detract from
the bride,
and should be subdued in comparison.
It may be,
and usually is, more
elegant
in quality than that of the bridesmaids.
Wedding breakfast. The best
man escorts the
maid of
honor, and they are usually seated
at the bridal
table.
Wedding reception. She
stands next the
bride to
receive with her, and also retires
with her
to assist the latter in exchanging
her wedding
dress for the traveling-dress.
It is her privilege to cast a slipper at the carriage which takes away the married couple, and her duty to prepare packages of rice, which are given to the guests to be thrown after the married couple as they leave the house.
Mail, invitations sent by.
All invitations should be
sent by
mail and verbal ones avoided.
Mail or messenger, sending cards
by.
See
cards, visiting—sending by
mail or messenger.
Man servants—tips.
It is customary for a man,
at the end
of a house party, to give to the
man servant
who has acted as his valet a
suitable
tip.
Marchioness-how addressed. An official
letter
begins:
Madam, and ends: I have the honor
to remain
your Ladyship’s most obedient
servant.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Most Noble
the Marchioness of Kent.
A social
letter begins: Dear Lady Kent,
and ends:
Believe me, dear Lady Kent, very
sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Marchioness
of Kent.
Marchioness, dowager—how
addressed. An official
letter begins:
Madam, and ends: I have
the honor
to remain your Ladyship’s most
obedient
servant.
A social
letter begins: Dear Lady Kent,
and ends:
Believe me, dear Lady Kent, very
sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope in both cases
is:
To the Dowager Marchioness of Kent, or
To Mary,
Marchioness of Kent.
Marquis—how addressed. An
official letter begins:
My Lord
Marquis, and ends: I have the
honor to
be your Lordship’s obedient servant.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Most Noble
the Marquis of Kent.
A social
letter begins: Dear Lord Kent
and ends:
Believe me, Lord Kent, very sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Marquis
of Kent.
Daughter of. See daughter of Marquis.
Wife of younger son of. See wife
of
younger
son of Marquis.
Younger son of. See son (younger) of Marquis.
Marking wedding presents. While it is not strictly
necessary
that wedding presents be marked,
yet it is
customary, and they should always
be marked
with the bride’s maiden name, unless
specially
intended for the groom’s individual
use.
MATINEES. Proper music should be provided.
The refreshment-room should be within easy reach. Light dainties should be served occasionally to those not caring to go to the refreshment-room.
Dress. If after six o’clock,
evening dress should
be worn;
otherwise, afternoon dress.
Host. The head of the house need not be present.
Hostess. The hostess and those
assisting her
should not
dance, unless all her guests are
provided
with partners or are otherwise
entertained.
Invitations. These may
be written or engraved,
with Dancing and the hour for beginning in
the lower left-hand corner. They should
be
sent two weeks in advance, and should be
promptly answered.
Men. Gloves should be worn
when dancing.
See also balls. Cotillions.
Dances. Dancing.
Mayor of A city—how
addressed. An official letter
begins:
Sir, or Your Honor, and ends: I
have the
honor, sir, to remain your obedient
servant.
A social letter begins:
My dear Mayor
Wilson, or, Dear Mr. Wilson, and ends:
Believe me, most sincerely yours.
The address on
the envelope is: His Honor,
the Mayor of Kent,
John J. Wilson.
Addressing envelopes. See
addressing
envelopes—men.
Afternoon dress. See afternoon dress—men.
Afternoon teas. See afternoon teas—men.
Bachelors’ dinners. See bachelors’ dinners—men.
Bachelors’ teas. See bachelors’ teas—men.
Balls. See balls—men.
Bicycling. See bicycling—men.
Bowing. See bowing—men.
Breakfasts. See breakfasts—men.
Calls. See calls—men.
Cards. See cards, visiting—men.
Chaperones. See chaperones—men.
CHRISTENINGS. See christenings—men.
Conclusion of letters. See conclusion of A letter—men.
Cotillions by subscriptions. See Cotillions by subscriptions—men.
Dances. See dances—men.
Dancing. See dancing—men.
Debutante. See debutante—men.
Dinners. See dinners—men.
Driving. See driving—men.
Dress. See dress—men.
Engagement. See engagement—men.
Evening dress. See evening dress—men.
Flowers. See flowers—men.
Funerals. See funerals—men.
Garden parties. See garden parties—men.
Gloves. See gloves—men.
High tea. See high tea—men.
House parties. See house parties—men.
Introductions. See introductions—men.
Invitations. See invitations—men.
Jewelry. See jewelry—men.
Luncheons. See luncheons—men.
Morning dress. See morning dress—men.
Mourning. See mourning—men.
Newcomer, residents’ duty
to. See newcomer,
residents’
duty to men.
Riding. See riding—men.
Salutations. See salutations—men.
Shaking hands. See shaking hands—men.
Stationery. See stationery—men.
Street-cars. See street-cars—men.
Street etiquette. See street etiquette—men.
Theatre parties. See theatre parties—men.
Titles. See titles—men.
Traveling. See traveling—men.
Weddings. See weddings—men.
Messenger, sending cards by.
See cards, visiting—
sending
by mail or messenger.
Minister (protestant)-how addressed,
An official
letter begins:
Reverend Dear Sir, and ends:
I remain
sincerely yours.
A social letter begins:
Dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends: I beg to remain sincerely yours.
The address on the envelope is: The Reverend John J. Wilson. but if the clergyman holds the degree of D.D. (Doctor of Divinity), the address may be: The Reverend John J. Wilson, D.D., or Reverend Dr. John J. Wilson.
Minister. See clergyman.
Miss. This is the prefix both in conversation,
correspondence,
and on the visiting-card of the
eldest daughter,
the next daughter being
known as
Miss Annie Smith; but on the
death or
marriage of the eldest daughter, she
becomes
Miss Smith.
Monograms. If men and women wish, these may
be stamped
in the latest colors on their
stationery.
When the address is stamped, it
is not customary
to stamp the monogram.
The latest
fashion in the style of monograms
require
that they should be the size of
a ten-cent
piece.
All individual
eccentricities of facsimiles
of handwriting,
etc., should be avoided.
It is not
customary to have the monogram
on the flap
of the envelope.
If sealing-wax
is used, it should be of some
dull color.
Morning dress.
Men. Morning costume consists
of a dark frock
coat, with
vest and light trousers. This can
be worn
at any entertainment occurring in
the daytime—as,
weddings, luncheons, receptions
of all kinds,
matinees, or ceremonious visits.
Anything worn is admissible in morning dress, a business suit, cutaway, sack suit, hats or caps, and undressed kid gloves of a dark color.
At out-of-town resorts, golf,
wheeling, and
yachting costumes suitable for outdoor sport
may be worn in the morning.
It is considered the correct
thing for a man
to tie his own tie instead of buying them
ready made.
See also afternoon dress—men.
Evening
dress—men.
Mother. A mother should receive an invitation
for
any function
to which her daughters are
invited,
and should go and return with them.
Debuts. The mother and
the elder unmarried
daughter, prior to the debut, calls formally
upon those who are to be invited. She
stands at her daughter’s side to receive
the
congratulations of the guests, and at a dance
she selects the first partner to dance with
the
debutante, and at the dinner or supper is
escorted by the most distinguished man.
See also chaperone.
Mother of bride. At the wedding
reception she is
escorted
by the father of the groom, and
receives
with the married couple.
At the wedding breakfast she
is escorted
by the father of the groom.
Mother of groom. At the wedding
reception she
receives
with the married couple.
At the wedding
breakfast she is taken in
by the father
of the bride, following after
the ushers
and the maids of honor.
Mourning. Those in mourning for parent,
child,
brother,
or husband should not be seen at
any public
function or private entertainment
before six
months have passed.
Cards. These are the same size
as visiting-cards.
A black
border is used, the width to be
regulated
by the relationship to the deceased
relative.
They should
be sent to indicate temporary
retirement
from and re-entrance into society.
Within a month after death in a family friends should leave cards. The persons receiving the same should acknowledge the remembrance and sympathy when they are ready to resume their social functions. This may be done by letter or card.
Men. Mourning cards are the
same size as
visiting-cards,
and a black border is used, the
width to
be regulated by the relationship of
deceased
relative.
Women. Mourning cards should
be sent, to
indicate
temporary retirement from society.
Later cards
should be sent, to indicate return
to society.
Children. Children under twelve
need not be
dressed
in mourning, though they often are.
Only the
lightest material should be used.
Girls of
more advanced age do not wear veils,
but crape
may be worn in hat or dress,
according
to taste.
For parent,
brother, or sister, mourning is
worn for
about one year.
Men. Men wear mourning one year
for loss of
wife.
A crape band should be worn around the hat, its width being determined by the nearness of the relative mourned for. It is usually removed after eight months.
A widower wears mourning for one year, or, if he wishes, eighteen months, and for a brother, sister, parent, or a child, from six months to a year, as he desires. For the loss of other relatives, duration of mourning is generally regulated by the members of the family.
The wearing of a black band on the coat sleeve in token of half-mourning is an English custom, and is somewhat practised in this country.
Stationery-men. A widower
uses a black
border about
one-third of an inch on his
stationery,
and this at intervals is diminished.
All stamping should be done in black.
Women. A widow’s stationery
should be heavily
bordered,
and is continued as long as she
is in deep
mourning. This is gradually
decreased,
in accordance with her change of
mourning.
All embossing
or stamping should be done
in black.
Weddings. Mourning should never
be worn at
a wedding,
but it should be laid aside
temporarily,
the wearer appearing in purple.
Widows. A widow should wear
crape with a
bonnet having
a small border of white. The
veil should
be long, and worn over the face
for three
months, after which a shorter veil
may be worn
for a year, and then the face
may be exposed.
After six months white
and lilac
may be used, and colors resumed
after two
years.
Women. The mourning dress of
a woman for
parent,
sister, brother, or child is the same
as that
worn by a widow, save the white
bonnet ruche—the
unmistakable mark of a
widow.
For parents and children, deepest mourning is worn at least one year, and then the change is gradually made by the addition of lighter material or half-mourning.
For other members of the family—as, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, etc.—black clothes should be worn, but not heavy mourning.
Complimentary
mourning is worn for three
months;
this does not necessitate crape and
veil, but
any black material can be used.
Women, for children.
For a child, mourning
is usually
worn for six months, thereafter
substituting
black and white.
For brother and sister,
etc. Mourning for
a brother
or sister, step-parents, or grandparents
is the same
as for parents, but the
time is
shorter, generally about six months.
For an aunt,
uncle, or cousin the time is
three months.
For fiance. In the event
of the death of a
woman’s
betrothed shortly before the date of
the wedding,
she may wear black for a short
period or
full mourning for a year.
For husbands. Mourning
cards are sent out, to
indicate
that they are not making or receiving
calls.
Mourning is generally worn for two years, and sometimes much longer. Woolen material of the deepest black and crape should be worn during the first year.
When out-of-doors a crape veil should be worn for a year, or at least three months, covering the face, or, if preferred, the veil may be thrown over the shoulder, and a small one of tulle, or other suitable material, edged with crape, worn over the face.
A crape
bonnet should be worn, and a very
small white
ruche may be added if desired.
After the first year a gradual change to lighter mourning may be made by discarding the widow’s cap and shortening the veil. Dull silks are used in place of crape, according to taste. In warm weather lighter materials can be worn—as, pique, nun’s veiling, or white lawn.
Black furs and sealskin may be worn. Precious stones, such as diamonds and pearls, may be used if mounted in black enamel. Gold jewelry should not be used. A woman should avoid all pretensions to excessive styles.
For husband’s relatives.
A married woman
wears mourning
for her husband’s immediate
relatives.
For parents and grandchildren.
Mourning
for these persons is generally worn for one
year. During the first six months, black
material trimmed with crape is used, and also
a deep veil, which is thrown over the back
of
the head and not worn over the face, as for
a
husband. After this period the mourning
may be lightened, according to taste.
See also death in the family. Funerals.
Mr. And Mrs. Cards ( visiting).
These cards are not
generally
used for ceremonious calls after the
first series
of return calls made by the
bride.
If the husband is unable, the first year after marriage, to make formal calls, his wife uses the Mr. and Mrs. cards, and such is accepted as a call from him. But after one year she should leave their separate cards.
These are used on formal occasions-as, returning a first call, condolence, congratulations, or P. P. C.—when both the husband and wife are represented.
When they are used the first year after marriage, they should have the address in right-hand corner and reception days in lower left-hand corner.
The card
should read:
Mr. and
Mrs. Thomas Wren Wilson
Weddings. The organist and the
music are
usually
selected by the bride. Before her
arrival,
the organist plays some bright
selection;
but on her entering the church and
passing
up the aisle, he plays the wedding
march.
Afternoon teas (formal). Music is
always
appropriate
on these occasions.
MUSICALES.
Dress. The rule would be that
at an afternoon
affair afternoon
dress would be worn, and
evening
dress at an evening affair.
Hours. For an afternoon musicale,
the hours
are usually
from four to six. For an
elaborate
evening drawing-room concert, any hour
may be selected.
Invitations. These are sent
out two weeks
before the
event. If entertainment is in the
evening,
they should be issued by husband
and wife.
If given in honor of a prominent
person at
any hour whatever, the cards
should be
engraved, and in either case the
word Music
should appear in the lower left-
hand corner.
These should
be acknowledged at once by
a letter
of acceptance or regret.
Napkins, when in use, are laid on the lap, and,
when
finished
with, are not folded up unless one is a
guest for
a few days; on all other occasions
they are
left unfolded. A good plan is to
follow the
example of the hostess.
When fruit is brought on, a small fruit napkin is placed across the knee or held in the right hand, with which to hold the fruit, and when it is no longer needed, it should be laid beside the plate.
Navy, Secretary of—how
addressed. An official
letter begins:
Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the
honor to
remain your most obedient servant.
A social
letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends:
I have the honor to remain
most sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson,
Secretary of the Navy.
Women. New acquaintances should
not be invited
to entertainments
unless agreeable to
all concerned.
An entertainment
can be given to meet
new acquaintances
if there be some special
reason for
so doing.
Elderly
persons and professional people can
send their
cards to younger persons if they
wish to
continue acquaintance.
NEWCOMERS.
Ball invitations. It is
allowable for a new-
comer wishing
to give a ball to borrow the
visiting
list of some friend; but she should
enclose
in each invitation a calling card of this
friend,
so that the invited ones may know
that the
friend is acting as a sponsor.
Duty of. No effort should
be made to obtain
recognition
of older residents.
Visits from neighbors should be returned within a week. If from any reason a newcomer is unable to call, a note stating the reason should be sent.
If visit of neighbor’s male relative is desired, a woman may send him a written or verbal invitation; but if visit is not desired, no notice is taken of his card, in the event of one having been left.
Residents’ duty to
men. When calling, kinswoman
leaves cards
of all the male members
of family
who are in society. If these cards
left by
kinswoman are not followed by an
invitation
to call, it is presumed that the
acquaintance
is not desired. Men can not
call upon
women of the family of new resident,
unless invited
to do so by either verbal
or written
message.
Residents’ duty to
women. The newcomer
receives
the first call from the older resident,
which should
be made within a reasonable
time.
Women making the first call, leave
their own
card and those of the male members
of the family.
It is unnecessary
to be introduced in the
absence
of letters of introduction. Visits
should be
of short duration.
Olives are eaten with the fingers.
Opera. See theatre.
Oranges, served in divided sections, sweetened,
and
the seeds
removed, should be eaten with the
fork.
If served whole, cut into suitable
portions.
Remove seed and skin.
Organist at weddings. The organist
is selected by
the bride,
but the fee is paid by the groom.
Overcoat—men calling on
women. When making a
formal or
brief call, the overcoat should be
left in
the hall.
P. P. C. Cards (visiting). These letters—standing
for Pour
prendre conge (To take leave)—are
written
in the lower left-hand corner of the
visiting-card.
These cards are used as a
formal farewell
to such friends and
acquaintances
whose friendship it is desired to
continue.
They may be left in person, or sent upon departure from city or winter or summer resort. They are rarely used in brief visits, and should only be used at the close of a season.
Care should
be exercised in sending them,
as an oversight
in so doing may cause the
loss of
good friends.
Pages at weddings. At the wedding,
if pages are
present,
they are usually dressed in satin
court costumes,
and carry the bride’s train.
Pall-bearers. It is not good taste
to ask relatives to
be pall-bearers.
The usual number is six to
eight elderly
men for elderly person, and of
young men
for a young man. Six young
women in
white would be a suitable number
to act as
pall-bearers for a young woman.
Pall-bearers
should be asked either by note
or by a
representative of the head of the
family of
the deceased.
The pall-bearers assemble at the house at the appointed hour, and there take the carriages reserved for them. They disperse after the church service.
Except in
the case of young women, carriages
are not
sent to bring pall-bearers to
the house.
Calls. After accepting an invitation
to act as a
pall-bearer,
a man should call at the house of
the bereaved
and leave his card.
A few days after the funeral he should call again and leave his card. If he wishes, he may simply ask at the door after the women of the family.
Dress. The pall-bearers wear
black frock coat,
trousers,
and waistcoat, a black silk hat with
a mourning
band, black shoes, and black kid
gloves.
The linen should be white
Flowers. Unless there has been
a request not
to send
flowers, a pall-bearer may do so after
his first
call.
If he wishes, a few days after the funeral he may send flowers to the women of the family with his card, on which should be written: With the compliments of -----.
Invitations. The invitation
should be promptly
accepted
or declined, and if accepted only
illness
or unavoidable absence from the city
would excuse
a man from attending.
Paper wedding. The first wedding anniversary
is
called the
paper wedding, and is not usually
celebrated.
If, however, it is celebrated,
the invitations
may bear the words: No
presents
received. Congratulations should be
extended
in accepting or declining the
invitations.
Any article of paper would be an
appropriate
gift. An entertainment should
follow.
Parties. These are less formal than balls.
They generally begin at nine or nine-thirty, with dancing at ten-thirty or eleven. The supper precedes the dancing. Those who do not take part in the dancing may leave before it begins.
Invitations. These are engraved,
giving hour
for beginning
in lower left-hand corner, and
should be
sent two weeks in advance. One
envelope
only need be used. They should
be answered
promptly.
PATRONESSES. It is customary for the management
of any institution
giving a public ball to
formally
invite six, eight, or more married
women to
act as patronesses, and for their
names to
appear on the invitations. If
badges are
worn, each patroness is sent one
or given
one at the ball-room.
The patronesses, after being
welcomed at
the ball by the management committees, take
their places, ready to receive the guests.
The Committee of Arrangements should look after the patronesses, introduce distinguished guests to them, escort them to supper and finally to their carriages.
See also Cotillions by
subscriptions—
patronesses. Dances.
Peaches should be quartered and the quarters
peeled,
then taken
up by the fingers and eaten.
Peas are eaten with a fork.
Plums and Grapes should be eaten one
by one, and
the pits
allowed to fall noiselessly into the
half-closed
hand and then transferred to the
plate.
Postal cards. It is wise to restrict
the use of
postals
to impersonal communications; but if
they must
be used, the message should be
brief with
an apology for its use. It is a
good plan
in addition to omit the usual My
dear, and
to sign with the initials only and
the full
surname.
Postponing dinners See canceling dinners.
Postponing weddings. See weddings—invitations
recalled.
Dinners. See dinners—precedence.
Funerals. See funerals—precedence.
Theatre. See theatre—precedence.
Presents. See gifts.
President—how addressed.
An official letter
begins:
Sir, and ends: I have the honor to
remain your
most obedient servant.
A social
letter begins: My dear Mr.
President,
and ends: I have the honor to remain
most sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope is: President
John Wilson.
Prince, Royal—how addressed.
An official letter
begins:
Sir, may it please your Royal
Highness,
and ends: I have the honor to remain,
sir, your
Royal Highness’ humble servant.
A social
letter begins: Dear Sir, and
ends:
Your Royal Highness’ most obedient
servant.
The address
on the envelope is: To His
Royal Highness,
the Prince of Wales.
Princess, ’Royal-how addressed.
An official letter
begins:
Madam, may it please your Royal
Highness,
and ends: Your Royal Highness’
most obedient
servant.
A social
letter begins: Dear Madam, and
ends:
Your Royal Highness’ most obedient
servant.
The address
on the envelope is: To Her
Royal Highness,
the Princess of Wales.
Private weddings. These are attended
only by
intimate
friends and members of the
family,
and vary but little from home weddings.
If the family is in mourning the cards are issued with the name of bride and groom and new address, together with card having bride’s maiden name, and the announcement cards are sent after the ceremony.
Afternoon
dress should be worn at an afternoon
wedding,
and evening dress at an evening
wedding.
Proposals of marriage. The time,
manner, and details
of proposals
of marriage are appropriately
left to
the good taste and judgment
of the groom.
If the proposal is rejected,
good taste,
womanly refinement, and courteous
consideration
demand that it be kept
an inviolate
secret, and any such breach of
confidence
may be rightly deemed the act of
a woman
without taste or tact, and unworthy
of respect.
Proposals
by women, while permissible,
are not
customary.
Public balls, By public balls are meant
county and
charity
balls, and balls given by social institutions
where dancing
is the main feature.
These public
balls differ from private ones in
that all
the duties of the hostess fall upon
some committees.
These committees would follow the same rules as laid down for a hostess—issuing engraved invitations from fourteen to seventeen days in advance, engaging a caterer, etc.
The etiquette for a public ball is the same as for a private one, save that guests arrive and depart when they please without taking leave of those who receive, and men wishing introductions apply for them to the Floor or Reception Committee.
At the cloak-rooms a small fee
is paid to
the attendant.
Seealso all entries under Balls.
Badges. It is customary
for the men and women
on the committees to wear on the left side
of
the breast ornamental and embroidered
badges, with the official position designated
on it.
Committee. The committee
at a public ball
takes the place of the hostess, filling all
her
duties and offices.
PATRONESSES. It is customary for
the management
formally
to invite six, eight, or more
married
women to act as patronesses of the
ball, and
for their names to appear on the
invitations.
If badges are prepared for the
patronesses,
one is sent to each patroness or
handed to
her on the evening of the dance.
The patronesses
should be welcomed at
the ball
by the management, and they then
take their
position ready to receive the guests.
The management should look after the patronesses, to see that they are taken into supper, to introduce prominent guests to them, and, finally, to escort the patronesses to their carriages.
PUBLIC PLACES. SEE ALSO ELEVATORS. RESTAURANTS, STREET-CARS. STREET ETIQUETTE.
R. S. V. P. The use of these letters-standing
for Repondez,
s’il vous plait (Answer, if you
please)-is
decreasing. All invitations to
which acceptances
are expected should be
answered
at once. If preferred, however,
the above
abbreviations may be used on the
following:
invitations to ceremonious receptions,
breakfasts,
luncheons, dinners, and to
meet a prominent
person.
Railroad-men. A man should remove his
hat in a
parlor-car,
but not in a day coach.
Recalling wedding invitations.
When from some
good reason
a wedding has to be canceled or
postponed,
the parents of the bride should
send, as
soon as possible, printed notices, giving
reasons
to all the guests.
Receptions. Reception days are placed in
the lower
left-hand
corner of visiting-cards-as, until
Lent,
or, In January-and may be either
engraved
or written.
Daughters have no reception
day of their
own, but receive on their mother’s reception
day.
The etiquette at receptions
is the same as
at afternoon teas.
Seealso afternoon teas. At homes.
Hours. Afternoon receptions
are held from 4 to
7 P.M.
Evening receptions are held
from 9 to
11 P.M.
Invitations, accepting
or declining. These
should be acknowledged within a week, either
by a letter accepting, or declining with regret.
Introductions. The man should
seek an introduction
to any woman
he wants to meet.
The hostess
makes what introductions she
deems proper.
Dress. For an afternoon reception
guests should
wear afternoon
dress, and for an evening reception
evening
dress.
Afternoon, given by bachelors. See bachelors’ teas.
Evening. The etiquette
is the same as for an
afternoon tea (formal), save that no cards
are left by the guests, and that the guests
should wear evening dress.
See also afternoon teas (formal).
Wedding. See wedding receptions.
Wedding receptions.
The refreshments are
placed on tables, and the guests help themselves
or are helped by the bridesmaids.
The groom and bride are waited upon by the
guests.
Register, signing of. This is sometimes done
by
the bride
and the groom. This takes place
in the vestry,
and the best man signs as chief
witness
and some of the guests as witnesses.
Rehearsals, wedding. Rehearsals should
be held
even for
a quiet home wedding, and at a sufficiently
early date
to insure the presence of
all who
are to participate.
Reporters at weddings. If such
is the wish of the
family of
the bride, the best man attends to
the reporters,
and furnishes them with the
names of
groom, bride, relatives, friends, description
of gowns,
and other suitable details.
Residence, change of—women.
After a change of
residence,
the cards of the entire family should
be sent
out as soon as possible.
Restaurants. If at a table, and a woman
bows, the
man should
rise and bow in return. If a
man is one
of a party sitting at a table, and a
woman with
her escort stops to pass greetings,
he should
rise and stand until they depart.
One man
introduced to another who is surrounded
by male
friends should rise to acknowledge
the honor
of the introduction.
When a man is with a woman he should exercise great care in recognizing male acquaintances who may be in doubtful company. He should avoid being in such company himself when in such places.
Smoking
in restaurants is a general custom.
The rules
of the house govern this.
All fees to the waiters should be paid by the one who pays the bills. If a woman is paying her own bill when with a man, it is in order for her to fee the waiter.
Ribbons at church weddings.
One way of
distinguishing
the pews reserved for the family,
relatives,
and dearest friends of both families
is the placing
of white ribbons at the dividing
pews.
Before the arrival of the bride,
the ushers,
in pairs, at the same time, untie
these ribbons,
and stretch them along the
outside
of these pews, and thus enclose the
guests and
bar further intrusion.
If these
ribbons are used, it is a good
plan to
enclose in the wedding invitation a
card giving
number of pew.
The advantage
of not using ribbons is the
avoidance
of any possible discrimination.
Rice at weddings. The throwing of rice is to be discouraged; but if it is to be done, the maid of honor should prepare packages of rice and hand them to the guests, who throw it after the bridal couple as they leave the house for their wedding trip.
Men. When riding with a woman,
a man should
always assist
her both to mount and to
alight,
even if a groom is present.
It is customary for the woman to set the pace, and for the man, who always rides on her right, to accommodate himself to her— trotting, galloping, or walking his horse as she may do.
He should always be ready to open all gates for her, and to do all things that will make the riding pleasant for her. If at a fox-hunt, this would mean that he must be ready to sacrifice much of his personal pleasure that she may enjoy herself.
Dress. There is a perfectly well-accepted
dress for
men who ride in the park, though
it is open
to elderly men to wear clothes less
pronounced.
The correct dress is full riding-breeches, close-fitting at the knee, leggings, a high-buttoned waistcoat, and a coat with the conventional short cutaway tails. The hat is an alpine or a derby, and the tie the regulation stock. These, with riding-gloves and a riding-crop, constitute the regular riding-dress for a young man.
A man should
always consult his tailor,
that the
dress in all its details may be strictly
up to date.
Women—dress. There is
a well-prescribed
riding-dress
for women as for men. The
habit of
dark material, with skirt falling just
over the
feet when in the saddle, and the
close-fitting
waist, with long or short tails,
together
with the white collar and black or
white tie,
constitute the regulation dress.
The derby
hat is smaller than formerly.
Gloves of
a dark color and a crop with a
bone handle
are always in place. Any
jewelry,
save that which is absolutely necessary,
should be
shunned.
In summer
it is permissible to modify this
costume.
As in the
case of a man, a woman should
consult
a tailor of good practical experience,
that her
costume may be in the correct style.
Ring, engagement. See engagement ring.
Ring, wedding. See wedding ring.
Rising from the table. The
signal to leave the
table is
always given by the women, and the
men rise
to let the women pass. At a formal
dinner the
signal is given by the hostess.
Salt is best taken up with the tip of the knife.
Salted nuts are eaten with the fingers.
Seat of honor is at the right of the host.
Second helping. At formal dinner parties,
luncheons,
and breakfasts,
second helpings are
never offered
by the host or hostess, and
should not
be asked for by the guests. This
is only
permissible at a small dinner party
or at the
daily family meal.
Of course, this does not apply to a second glass of water, for which the guest asks, or for wine. It is the duty of the waiter to see that the guest is constantly supplied.
Second marriages. See widows—weddings.
Secretary of agriculture. See agriculture, Secretary of.
Secretary of Commerce. See Commerce, Secretary of.
SECRETARY OF NAVY. SEE NAVY, SECRETARY OF.
Secretary of state. See state, Secretary of.
Secretary of treasury. See treasury, Secretary of.
Seeds should be removed from the mouth with the
aid of a
fork, or dropped into the half-closed
hand.
Senator—how addressed. An
official letter begins:
Sir, and
ends: I have, sir, the honor to
remain your
most obedient servant.
A social
letter begins: My dear Senator
Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, most sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope is: Senator
John J.
Wilson, or, To the Hon. John J.
Wilson.
Servants-Tipping. It is customary for
guests leaving
a house
after a visit to tip the servants,
unless positively
requested by the hostess not
to do so.
The average tip would be one
dollar,
with more for extra attention.
Dances. It is not customary
to shake hands at
formal dances.
Host and hostess. The host and the
hostess
should shake
hands with each guest as they
arrive.
If guest takes leave of host and hostess, they should shake hands. If they are surrounded by guests, a pleasant nod of farewell is admissible.
Men. At a wedding, the opera, or
a dance, and
all very
formal occasions, gloves should not
be removed
when shaking hands.
If the hostess wears gloves at any formal affair, a man wears his when he shakes hands with her. He should give a slight pressure only.
A man with hands gloved should never shake hands with a woman without an apology for so doing, unless she likewise wears gloves. A sudden meeting, etc., may make a handshaking in gloves unavoidable. Unless the other party is gloved, a man should apologize.
When men
are introduced to men, they
always shake
hands. It is bad form to crush
the hand
when shaking it.
When introduced
to a woman, men should
bow, but
not offer to shake hands.
Calls. If the woman is seated when
a man enters
the room,
she rises to greet him, and, if
she wishes,
shakes hands. She has the
option to
shake hands or not, and should
make the
first advances. It is bad form for
him to do
so.
Women. Upon introduction, a woman
may
shake hands
with either men or women, but
a slight
inclination of the body, a pleasant
smile, and
an appropriate remark are more
correct.
A young
girl, upon being introduced to an
older woman,
should await the action of the
elder, who
will shake hands if kindly disposed.
If one person
extends the hand, it should
be accepted
without the slightest hesitation,
to avoid
embarrassment.
Signing letters. See addressing and signing letters.
Silk weddings. This is the name of
the forty-fifth
wedding
anniversary, and is now seldom observed.
If it is,
any article of silk would be
appropriate
as a gift, and congratulations
may be extended
in accepting or declining
the invitations.
The invitations may have
the words:
No presents received. An entertainment
usually
follows.
Silver weddings. After twenty-five
years of married
life, the
silver wedding may be celebrated.
On the invitations
sent out may be
engraved
the words: No presents received.
Congratulations may be extended in accepting or declining the invitation. Any article of silver is appropriate as a gift. An entertainment follows.
At a silver wedding the invitations may be appropriately engraved in a silver-gray color, and the decorations are usually of the same color.
Slippers-throwing at weddings.
The throwing of
slippers
after the bridal couple on their leaving
the house
for their wedding trip is in
poor taste.
Smoking. At a dinner when the women rise,
the
men also
rise and remain standing until the
former leave
the room, when cigars and coffee
are served.
Sometimes the men accompany
the women
to the drawing-room, bow, and
then return
to the dining-room for the coffee
and cigars,
where they remain about half an
hour.
Smoking in restaurants is a general custom, but the rules of the house govern it. Theatres provide rooms for it, hence it should be limited to them.
There should
be no smoking at afternoon
entertainments,
unless the men are requested
to do so
by the host and hostess.
At balls a room for smoking is generally provided. Smoking is not in good taste if a man is going to dance, as the odor of tobacco clings to the clothing. There should be no smoking in the dressing-rooms.
Smoking a pipe in the street is becoming more common. It is poor taste, however, on a fashionable street. At best, any smoking in the street is bad form.
Expectorating on the pavement is a most reprehensible habit. If it must be done, a man should step to the curb and expectorate in the street.
Dances. Smoking should not be
allowed in the
dressing-room,
but a special room should be
provided.
Men who dance should not smoke
until leaving
the house.
In presence of women.
Smoking in the
street while
walking with a woman should
never be
indulged in, although she seemingly
is agreeable
to it. If a man is smoking, and
he stops
to speak to a woman, he should
throw away
his cigar or cigarette.
A man should not smoke in the presence of women unless bidden by them to do so. Few women care to say that it is disagreeable when asked, hence the better course is to await permission.
Women. If a woman has true regard
for herself,
she should
not indulge in smoking; if she
does, it
should be in absolute privacy.
Balls. A son should do all in
his power to
make the
ball a success by finding partners
for the
women having none, seeing that the
men are
introduced to the women, and taking
in to supper
a woman without an escort.
Cards. When a mother is calling,
she can leave
cards of
her son for the host and hostess if it
is impossible
for him to do so himself.
A son entering
society can have his cards
left by
his mother for a host and hostess.
Invitations
to entertainments will follow.
Son (younger) of Duke-how addressed. An official
letter begins:
My Lord, and ends: I have
the honor
to remain your Lordship’s obedient
servant.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable
the Lord John J. Kent.
A social
letter begins: My dear Lord John
J. Kent,
and ends: Believe me, my dear Lord
John, faithfully
yours.
The address is: To the Lord John J. Kent.
Son (younger) of Earl-how
addressed, An official
letter begins:
Sir, and ends: I have the
honor to
remain your obedient servant.
A social
letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends:
Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Honorable
John Wilson.
Son (younger) of Marquis—how
addressed. An
official
letter begins: My Lord, and ends: I
have the
honor to remain your Lordship’s obedient
servant.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable
the Lord John J. Kent.
A social
letter begins: My dear Lord John
J. Kent,
and ends: Believe me, my dear Lord
Kent, faithfully
yours.
The address is: To the Lord John J. Kent,
Son (younger) of viscount-how
addressed. An
official
letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have
the honor
to remain your obedient servant.
A social
letter begins: Dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends:
Believe me, dear Mr. Wilson, sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Honorable
John Wilson.
Soup should be taken from the side of the spoon
without
noise and without the plate being
tipped.
Men with mustaches are privileged
in this
respect, and may take the soup from
the end
of the spoon.
Bridesmaids. These are given
by the bride to
her bridesmaids
a few days before the wedding,
and take
the form of fans or jewelry of
some kind
that may be worn at the wedding.
A good time
to present them is when the
bride gives
a farewell dinner or luncheon to
her bridesmaids.
Failing
this, they may be sent a few days
before the
wedding.
The souvenirs
should, of course, be all the
same in
value and in style.
Ushers. The souvenirs given by the
groom to
the ushers
usually take the form of scarf-pins
or cuff-buttons.
Sometimes the groom
also gives
the ushers neckties and gloves.
A good time
for their distribution is at the
farewell
bachelor dinner.
Sponsors. Only relatives and near friends should
be asked
to act as sponsors at a christening.
Two women
and one man are asked as sponsors
for a girl,
and one woman and two men
for a boy,
though one man and one woman
are sufficient
in either case.
These may
be invited by note or personal
call to
act as sponsors, and should answer by
note or
personal call.
A few days before the ceremony the sponsor should send a christening gift addressed to the child, and the giver’s card, with a suitable sentiment written on it, should be sent with the gift.
A man may
give some article of silver, and,
if a wealthy
relative, a bank-book for money
deposited
in the child’s name.
A woman
may present the child with a
garment,
a carriage, a cradle, or some similar
article.
It is in good taste for the sponsors to call immediately on the parents, to send flowers to the mother, and to show that they are pleased with the compliment.
The godfather at the ceremony assents to the vows, and later, at the drinking of the wine, should propose both the health of the child and that of its mother.
Spoon. The spoon should never be in the
cup while
drinking,
but should be left in the saucer.
It is used
in eating grapefruit, fruit salads,
small and
large fruit (when served with
cream),
puddings, jellies, porridges, preserves,
and boiled
eggs.
Sr, The letters Sr. (abbreviation for Senior)
are
sometimes
added to a woman’s name on her
card when
her son has the same name as
his father,
and it is necessary to distinguish
between
the cards of the daughter-in-law and
the mother-in-law.
If both
become widows, and yet wish to
retain their
husbands’ Christian names, the
daughter-in-law
would add Jr. on her cards.
Stag parties. A party composed of men
exclusively
is sometimes
so designated. They
are usually
informal in character, but may be
as elaborate
in detail as desired.
Dress. The Tuxedo coat and black
tie is worn,
unless at
a formal stag party, when evening
dress is
appropriate.
State, Secretary of-how addressed. An official letter begins: Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the honor to remain your most obedient servant.
A social
letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends:
I have the honor to remain most
sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson,
Secretary of State.
Men. The variations from plainness
and quietness
in the use
of stationery that are permitted
women are
denied to men. Their
paper is
never perfumed, and all fancy styles
are in poor
taste.
For his
social correspondence a man should
use white
or gray linen or bank-note unruled
paper, folding
once in the envelope.
He may,
of course, use for social correspondence
his club
stationery.
Under no
circumstances should he use his
business
stationery for social correspondence.
Women. Unruled plain white or gray
paper,
that folds
once in the envelope, and black
ink, are
the standard materials for social correspondence.
While it is permissible to use some of the latest fancy stationery, care should be taken that it is quiet in taste, and that all merely temporary variations are avoided.
While it
is better not to use perfumed
paper, if
any perfume is used it should be
extremely
delicate.
Elderly
women are apt to favor Irish linen
or similar
stationery.
Strangers-invitations to A ball asked for by friends.
See balls-invitations asked
for strangers.
Men. The old custom of a man
giving up his
seat in
a street-car to a woman is being gradually
done away
with. This is due largely
to the fact
that women are now so extensively
engaged
in commercial business that
they are
constant riders at the busy hours,
end thus
come into direct competition with
men.
A well-bred man, however, will show his manliness by giving any woman his seat and standing himself, as she is less fitted for such hardships and annoyances. A man should always give his seat to an elderly woman, one accompanied with children, or one apparently weak and sickly. In giving his seat to a woman, a man should politely bow and raise his hat.
It is good form for a man to assist a woman getting on or off a car. If a man is accompanied by a woman when she leaves the car, he should help her off the car.
A man should
always be polite and courteous
toward a
conductor, as the latter’s
position
is a hard and trying one.
A man should
never cross his legs or keep
his feet
extended in the passageway.
If a man finds it necessary to crowd into a car already full, he should do so with consideration and politeness, and with an apology for pressing against any one. It is better to stand than to crowd yourself into a small space between those who are seated.
Expenses. A man traveling with another
man
can pay
the latter’s fare if he wishes. But
if he is
accompanied by a woman he should
pay her
fare. If he is in the car, and other
acquaintances,
men or women, enter, they
should pay
their own fares.
Women. A woman should not look with
a
pained and
injured air at the men passengers
because
no one of them has offered her a seat.
The great
influx of women into the commercial
world, and
their being thrown into direct
competition
with men, has largely done away
with the
fine old custom of men giving up
their seats
to women. The impoliteness of
many women
in accepting a seat as a matter
of right
and not of courtesy, and perhaps
without
a “Thank you,” has helped largely
to bring
about the present state of affairs.
No woman
of ordinary good manners should
fail to
express her thanks for the courtesy
proffered.
If a woman is offered a seat she
should accept
it at once-without urging.
A man may assist a woman in getting off a car. If a woman is accompanied by a man and she leaves the car, he should assist her to alight.
A woman
should wait till a car absolutely
stops before
she gets on or off, and she
should face
the front when leaving the car.
If possible, a woman should have her car-fare handy or easy of access-preferably in her hand-before entering the car if it is crowded. A woman should avoid crowding into a small space between others, and it is better for her to stand than to occupy barely the edge of a seat. If it is absolutely necessary for her to enter a crowded car, she should do so with an apology to those whomPage 107
she may crowd.
Conductor. A conductor occupies a
difficult
and trying
position, and will always appreciate
any courtesy
shown him by a woman.
If a woman
desires a transfer, she should let
him know
in ample time; if she wants any information
from him,
she should ask him when
paying her
fare, and should indicate her desire
to leave
the car at least a block ahead of
her street.
A woman should not trust to a
conductor
to remember her street, even if she
has asked
him, but should look out for the
street herself.
Expenses. If a woman is in a car
and a man
joins her,
and the fare is not yet collected, she
should pay
her own fare. But if she is traveling
with an
escort she should not offer to
pay her
fare, as her escort pays the expenses.
STREET ETIQUETTE.
Men. If a man is passed on the
street without
any recognition
by an acquaintance, he should
hesitate
before accepting it as a direct cut, as
it may have
been an oversight. If it is repeated,
he will
know its full meaning.
To pass
a person whom one knows and to
look straight
at him without recognition is
the rudest
way of dropping an acquaintance.
A man should
avoid loud and boisterous
behavior.
If a man is compelled to force his way through a crowded street, he should do so courteously and with an apology to any one inconvenienced by his act.
In walking three or four abreast, men should be careful not to obstruct the thoroughfare, but should quickly fall into single file when necessary.
A man should greet his acquaintances on the street quietly and courteously, and if on a crowded street, should step out of the way of persons and be brief in his remarks.
In all public places and conveyances a man should offer his seat to a woman, though he is not expected to do so when reserved seats can be obtained—as, in a theatre, at an opera, etc.
Accidents. In case of accident
or danger a man
should protect
the woman whom he escorts,
and take
her to a place of safety. If her
clothing
is torn, or she has met with some
accident
of which she is unaware, a man may,
if he desires,
politely raise his hat and call
her attention
to the fact. If by accident a
man jostles
a woman or steps upon her dress,
he should
raise his hat, bow, and apologize,
whether
he knows her or not.
Bowing. A man should not bow
to a woman
until she
has first recognized him, unless they
are old
acquaintances.
A man should acknowledge the salutation of a woman on the street, even if he does not know her, as it saves her from embarrassment at her mistake.
When bidding
farewell to a woman after a
conversation
on the street, a man should bow
and raise
his hat.
If a man offers his seat to a woman in a car or other conveyance, he should raise his hat and bow, while her escort acknowledges the courtesy by doing the same.
When a man
opens a door for a woman
unknown
to him, he should bow, while she
enters in
advance of him.
A man should
raise his hat and bow on all
occasions
when offering any courtesy to a
woman, whether
stranger or acquaintance.
A man may
bow to an elderly man or person
of official
position.
A man may offer his services to a woman in crossing a crowded thoroughfare, and should raise his hat and bow when she is safely over, but should, make no comment unless she does so first. He may also offer her assistance in getting on or off a car, raising his hat and bowing without remark.
If a man is accompanied by a woman and another man extends a courtesy to her, he should acknowledge it by bowing and giving a polite “Thank you.”
If when walking with a man a woman meets a male acquaintance who bows, her escort should raise his hat and bow, though the two men are strangers to each other. If the escort meets a man known to him, both men should raise their hats and bow.
Canes and umbrellas.
These should be carried
vertically,
never horizontally, thereby
endangering
other persons’ eyes. Especially
is this
important when entering cars or going
up long
flights of steps-as, the stairs of the
elevated
railroad.
Conversation. A man who meets
a woman,
and desires
to engage in conversation with
her, should
ask permission to accompany her.
If this
is granted, he may proceed a short
distance,
unless requested to go farther.
When meeting a woman on the street and stopping to converse with her, a man should raise his hat and replace it, as it is not now in good form for a man to remain bareheaded until requested by the woman to replace his hat.
A man should
avoid stopping a woman on
the street
to engage her in conversation.
Only an intimate acquaintance with a woman warrants a man joining her on the street. If it is not agreeable, it may be very embarrassing to her.
Smoking. A man should never
smoke while
walking
with a woman on a street. Smoking
on fashionable
thoroughfares is bad form.
A man should avoid expectorating upon a sidewalk, and, if it must be done, should walk to the curb and use the street for that purpose.
Walking. A man should not walk
between two
women, but
at the side nearest the curb.
When walking with a woman, a man should walk near the curb, unless passing an obstruction-as, a building in course of construction-when she should have the outer side to protect her from harm, or from coming in contact with disagreeable things.
A man should offer his right arm to a woman, but this is rarely necessary in the daytime. It is essential, however, and proper for him to do so after dark.
Women. Conduct on the street
should always
be reserved.
It is bad form to loudly laugh
or to boldly
glance at the passers-by, especially
men.
Women should
never walk three or four
abreast.
Women may
salute each other with a bow
and a handshake,
but a kiss in public is no
longer in
good form.
During a
promenade, where friends pass
and repass,
it is not necessary to exchange
greetings
to each other.
A polite
“Thank you,” with a bow and a
smile, should
be the reward of any man extending
a courtesy
to a woman.
Bowing. It is the woman’s
privilege to determine
whom she
will publicly recognize, and
therefore
she should bow first to all men
whom she
desires to favor. This formality
is, however,
unnecessary with intimate
friends.
Umbrellas. These should be carried
vertically,
and never
horizontally under the arm.
Walking. If a woman is walking
with a man,
and another
man stops to speak, it would be
in exceeding
bad taste to ask him to join her.
A woman
should take a man’s right arm,
but only
after dark, unless for some special
reason-as,
weakness, etc.-it is necessary.
If a woman is walking alone, and a man of her acquaintance stops and speaks, he may ask permission to accompany her farther, which, if agreeable, should be granted. She may stop for a few moments’ chat, and shake hands if she wishes. If he stands before her with uncovered head, she should promptly ask him to replace his hat. She should not block the thoroughfare, and should take the initiative if he does not step to one side. If agreeable, an invitation may be extended to him to walk a short distance.
Subscription balls.
Men. Shortly after receiving
an invitation to a
subscription
ball, a man should leave a card
for the
patroness inviting him.
Invitations. In addition to
the regular invitations,
it is customary
to guard against the
admission
of persons not really invited by
the use
of vouchers to be shown at the
hall door,
or some similar precaution is
taken.
When a subscriber
sends an invitation and
a voucher,
he should send in the same
envelope
one of his calling cards.
Sunday calls. Informal calls may be
made on
Sunday after
three o’clock by business and
professional
men, provided there are no religious
or other
scruples on the part of those receiving
the calls.
Men should wear afternoon dress.
Suppers given by men—women.
A young woman
may accept
a man’s invitation, provided she
has the
consent of her mother or guardian,
and is assured
that a chaperone will be present.
Suppers—men. Suppers are
generally for men.
The hours
are from ten to eleven. A man can
give such
entertainments in bachelor apartments
or restaurant,
and if women are invited,
chaperones
should be present.
The invitations may be given personally, written, or a visiting-card may be used, giving hour and date. If the supper is given in honor of a special guest, engraved cards or note sheets are used.
Suppers may be
of various kinds—such as
Fish, Game, Wine,
Champagne.
Suppers and theatre parties.
Men. A man should not invite
a young woman
to a theatre
party or supper without inviting
her mother
or a chaperone to accompany
them.
At large theatre parties or suppers,
when there
are ten or more guests, several
chaperones
should be invited. Any married
or elderly
unmarried woman can act as
chaperone,
care being taken that they are
well-known
and agreeable to all, as much of the
pleasure
of the evening depends upon them.
Carriages. A conveyance holding
a large party
can be sent
to take invited guests to the
entertainment.
The chaperone should be
called for
first, and should be the last one to
be left
at home upon returning. The chaperones
may use
their own carriages and call
for guests
if they desire. If the chaperones
call for
the guests, the men can be met at the
place of
amusement. Conveyances should
be provided
for guests.
Suppers given by bachelors.
See
bachelors’ suppers.
Table etiquette. It is correct to take
a little of all
that is
offered, though one may not care for it.
Bend slightly
over the plate when carrying
the food
to the mouth, resuming upright
position
afterward.
When drinking from a cup or
glass, raise it
gracefully to the mouth and sip the contents.
Do not empty the vessel at one draught.
Guests should not amuse themselves by handling knife or fork, crumbling bread, or leaning their arms on the table. They should sit back in their chairs and assume an easy position.
A guest
at a dinner should not pass a plate
or any article
to another guest, or serve the
viands,
unless asked to do so by the hostess.
Upon leaving
the table, push the chair
back far
enough to be out of the way of others.
Accidents. Accidents, or anything
that may be
amiss at
the table, should be unobserved by a
guest unless
he is the cause of it. In that
event some
pleasant remark as to his awkwardness
should be
made and no more. The
waiter should
attend to the matter at once.
If a fork
or a spoon is dropped it should
not be picked
up by the guest, but another
used, or
ask the waiter to provide one.
Conversation. Aim at bright
and general conversation,
avoiding all personalities and any
subject that all cannot join in. This
is
largely determined by the character of the
company. The guests should accommodate
themselves to their surroundings.
See also finger-Bowl, knife and fork, second helping, seeds, spoon, toothpicks, Wines, and names of individual fruits and foods—as, apples, bread, etc.
Talking—theatres. Conversation
during the progress
of the play
or the opera should be
avoided
and confined to the intermissions.
The theatregoer
should avoid all noise, gestures,
or actions
that would annoy others.
A man would be justified, when
annoyed by
a person talking loud near him, in asking
him politely to speak lower.
Invitations. These need no acknowledgment.
Given by bachelors.
See bachelors’ teas.
Afternoon.
See afternoon teas.
High.
See high tea.
Telephone invitations. Telephone invitations
should
be sent
only to those with whom the utmost
intimacy
exists, and who will pardon the
informality.
Theatre. A young man may invite a young
woman
to the theatre
or opera, even if he has but a
slight acquaintance
with her, but of course
he should
secure the permission of her parents
or chaperone.
It is correct for the young man to inquire if the young woman prefers a box, or, if not, he should state in what part of the house he proposes to secure seats. This will enable her to determine how to dress.
If the young woman wears street toilette, her escort may take her in any public conveyance, but if she wears evening dress, he should provide a carriage.
At the theatre he should precede the woman down the aisle to the seat or box; but if it is the latter, he should open the door and wait for her to pass.
A man may use his judgment as to the aisle seat. If a better view can be had, or seemingly objectionable people are next the inside seat, it is perfectly proper to give the woman the aisle seat.
A man should never leave his companion between the acts. The custom of both men and women going into the foyer at that time is a growing one, and is a relief to the audience.
Refreshments
at some fashionable place
may follow
after the entertainment.
For a man to call on an acquaintance in an opera box does not relieve one of the duty of making a formal call in return for social favors.
Bonnet. A woman of any consideration
will
either wear
no bonnet at all or remove it as
soon as
the curtain is raised.
It would be in place for a man or woman whose view is hampered by a bonnet to politely ask the wearer to remove it, and when it is done, to thank her.
Men—leaving cards.
After a theatre party
given by
a man, he should call within three
days on
the woman he escorted or leave his
card.
Precedence. In entering a theatre
a man precedes
the women
of his party, but after he
has handed
his coupons to the ushers he
gives the
women precedence, and follows
them to
their seats.
Talking. Conversation during
the progress of
the play
or the opera should be avoided, and
confined
to the intermissions.
The theatregoer
should avoid all noise,
gestures,
or actions tending to annoy others
or to render
himself conspicuous.
A man would
be justified, when annoyed
by a person
talking loud near him, in asking
him politely
to speak lower.
Given by men. A man
giving a theatre or
opera party
should secure one or more
chaperones
if women are to be present.
Calls. The host should call upon
his guests
within three
days or a week after the event.
Carriages. The host may, if he choose,
send
carriages
or a stage to collect all the guests.
This is
a formal and agreeable way to begin
the evening’s
pleasure. The chaperone
should be
called for first. A more informal
way is quite
popular. The invitations having
been given
and accepted, the host informs
each of
his guests as to the others, and leaves
a ticket
with each one. All then meet
informally
at the place of amusement. If a
dinner is
given before the entertainment,
carriages
are provided to convey the guests
to the theatre.
Chaperone. A chaperone should always
be
present
if women are to be members of the
party.
And if a stage or carriage calls for
the guests,
it should call first for the
chaperone.
The chaperone
who acts as hostess should
decide the
hour to close the festivities.
Dinners. If a dinner is given before
the performance,
it is generally
given at six o’clock,
the usual
customs being followed. If preferred,
the dinner
may follow the performance,
and may
be given at any fashionable
restaurant
or hotel. If it is given before the
play, at
its termination the guests are conveyed
in carriages
or stage to the theatre at
the expense
of the host.
After the
entertainment it is a good plan
for the
party to return to the banqueting-room
to partake
of slight refreshments.
Dress. Men wear evening dress.
Women wear
full evening
dress.
Invitations. He may invite his guests
in person
or by note.
In either case he should secure
the parents’
permission to allow the
young women
to attend, and should be ready
to supply
all information regarding the men
who will
be present, and also the chaperones.
Men. The escorts should see the women
home
unless they
are called for by the male members
of their
families, in which case they may
be accompanied
to their conveyances. If a
young woman
is called for by her maid in a
carriage,
her escort may take her home.
Intimacy of the parties largely regulates the etiquette of such occasions. They can decide whether evening or street dress shall be worn, and seat themselves accordingly. A carriage should be provided.
When entering an opera or theatre box for a short call, a man should stand and bow, making some pleasant remark to the chaperone. If there is an empty chair, he may sit and talk a few minutes and retire as others enter.
Women. Between the acts it is perfectly
proper
to go into
the foyer with the escort, who
should carry
the woman’s wraps and see that
all her
wants are attended to. Should she
desire anything,
she should call on him first.
The hat or bonnet should be removed.
In a box
the women occupy the front row
while the
men sit or stand in the rear.
A woman
should avoid conspicuous
manners,
loud conversation, laughing, or acting
in any way
to attract attention.
Given by women. This is a popular
form of entertainment
during the
season. They are
given by
married women, and the guests are
invited
by note. A dinner is given at the
house or
at a restaurant before the departure
for the
opera or play. Refreshments
may also
be given after the entertainment at
either the
house or restaurant. At the dinner
the same
ceremonies are followed as to
arrangements
of guests and escorts as at any
formal dinner.
Toasts—weddings. Toasts to the bride
and groom
are customary
at the wedding breakfast or
supper.
If the groom
gives a farewell bachelor dinner,
he should
propose a toast to the bride.
Theatre parties. See also chaperone-men.
Chaperone-theatre.
Third person-used in correspondence.
While it
was formerly
the correct usage to begin
formal communications
in the third person, it
is now the
custom to begin such letters: My
dear
Mrs Smith, or madam.
The third
person would be used only in
writing
to a workman, a strange servant, or
a business
firm.
Tin wedding. After ten years of marriage,
occurs
the tin
wedding. The invitations sent out
may have
the words: No presents received.
Congratulations
may be extended in accepting
or declining
the invitation.
Every conceivable device made of tin is appropriate as a gift, but, as these are limited, ingenuity may be displayed in getting up oddities. An entertainment may follow.
Tipping.
At balls. It is not customary to
tip the servants
at a private
ball, but at a public one
it is usual
to give a tip to the attendant at
the cloak-room.
At christenings. The father usually
gives
the nurse
at a christening a sum of money,
and the
mother gives her some article of
dress or
piece of jewelry.
At house; parties. See house
parties. Guests.
Tipping
servants. Also under names of
servants—as,
coachman.
Titles.
Men’s cards. Men
having titles use them before
their names—as,
reverend, Rev. Mr.,
Rev.
Dr., Army and Navy titles, and
officers
on the retired list.
LL.D. and
all professional titles are placed
after the
name. Political and judicial titles
are always
omitted.
Physicians may use Dr. before or M.D. after their names. On cards intended for social use, office hours and other professional matters are omitted.
Women’s cards. The
same principles govern
the titles
on women’s cards, with the addition
that women
should never use titles of their
husbands.
Toothpicks should not be used in public.
If necessity
requires
it, raise the napkin over the
mouth, with
the hand behind it, using the
toothpick
as quickly as possible.
Town, returning to-women.
Cards of the entire
family should
be sent by mail to all acquaintances
when returning
after a prolonged
absence.
When using cards, if out of town, the place of a woman’s permanent residence can be written on the card thus: New York. Philadelphia.
Travelers’ visiting-cards.
A woman visiting a place
for a length
of time should mail to her friends
a visiting-card
containing her temporary address.
A man in
a similar situation should call
upon his
friends, and if he does not find
them at
home should leave his card.
Men with women. When
traveling with a
woman, a
man should see to the checking
and care
of her baggage.
Men. As it is exceedingly trying
and difficult
for a woman
to stand in a railroad train while
it is in
motion, it is the height of good manners
for a man
to offer her his seat and to
insist on
her taking it.
Expenses. On a short boat or railroad
trip a
man should
pay the expenses of a woman
who accompanies
him by his invitation. But
on a long
trip she should insist on paying
her share,
and he should accept her decision.
Of course,
he is at liberty, however, to pay
all the
expenses of slight entertainments-as,
fruit, magazines,
etc.
He should
see to the care of her baggage
and all
other details.
Parlor-car. When traveling a long
distance
accompanied
by a woman, a man should secure
seats in
the parlor-car.
While it is admissible to offer assistance to a woman traveling in a parlor-car without an escort, it should be done in the most polite and delicate manner, and be perfectly agreeable to her.
Women. If a woman arrives at a strange
place,
especially
a large city, and no one meets her,
she should
ask the station porter to attend to
her baggage
and all such details, and, if
traveling
farther, to see to her ticket and to
find for
her the right train.
If at the end of her journey she gives him the address she desires to go to and her trunk checks, he should procure a carriage for her. This saves her much worry and annoyance and needless risk.
The same
suggestions apply to steamboat
travel.
Expenses. If a woman is asked by
a man to
take a short
boat or railroad trip, he should
pay her
fare and all other expenses. But if
on a long
trip—as, a summer outing—and
she
is escorted
by a man, she should insist on
paying her
own fare and all expenses, allowing
him, however,
to pay the expenses of
slight entertainment—as,
fruit, magazines,
etc.
Parlor-car. Her escort should attend
to all
details
of traveling. If she is traveling
alone, she
should always ride in the parlor-car
and have
the porter attend to her wants.
While it
may be proper to accept in a parlor-car
attentions
from a man if he is accompanied
by a woman,
the greatest caution is
required
if he is alone; in fact, it is well to be
on one’s
guard, when traveling alone, against
the attentions
of both men and women.
Treasury, Secretary of—how addressed. An
official
letter begins:
Sir, and ends: I have, Sir, the
honor to
remain your most obedient servant
A social
letter begins: My Dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends:
I have the honor to remain
most sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson,
Secretary Of Treasury.
Trousseau, wedding. The bride exhibits
the trousseau
at a dinner
given to the bridesmaids and
maid of
honor a few days before the wedding.
Turning down corner of visiting-cards.
This
should not
be done.
Tuxedo. The Tuxedo coat and waistcoat are
worn
at all informal
affairs when no women are
present,
such as small theatre parties (when
not occupying
a box), bowling and card
parties,
restaurants, and the like.
It may be worn on the street in the
evening with a low hat. A black tie should
always be worn, and never, under any
circumstances, a white one.
See also evening dress—men.
Umbrellas.
Men calling on women.
When making a
formal or
brief call, the umbrella should be
left in
the hall.
Carrying. Umbrellas should
be carried
vertically, never horizontally, thereby endangering
other persons’ eyes. Especially
is this
important when entering cars or going up long
flights of steps—as, at an elevated
railroad
station.
Ushers. A sufficient number of ushers should
be
provided
for to allow of two for each aisle.
A good plan
is to have one selected as the
master of
ceremonies, and for him to go to
the church
on the wedding-day in ample
time to
personally see that all the details
have been
carried out. They should be
present
at all rehearsals.
The ushers
are usually presented by the
groom with
some small trinket, such as a
pin, as
a souvenir of the occasion.
Calls. The ushers should call
upon the married
couple as
soon as the latter have returned
from their
wedding trip.
Church. The ushers should arrive
at the
church before
the guests.
Each usher should have a list of all the intended guests for whom special places are set aside, and should check off the names of the guests as they arrive. He should know the various guests and where to place them; but if he does not know them personally, he should consult his list.
The upper ends of the middle aisles of both sides are usually reserved for invited guests, and are distinguished from the rest of the church by having a white ribbon or a string of flowers stretched across the aisle. The immediate family and special guests occupy the front seats, the family and the guests of the bride taking the left side and those of the groom the right side of the aisle. Other guests should be given the best seats, according to their priority in arriving.
It is in
bad taste for an usher to reserve
seats for
his own friends as against the
first-comers.
In seating
guests, the usher should give
his left
arm to a woman and escort her to
her seat
while her escort follows.
Before the arrival of the bridal party the ushers take the ribbons at either end, and, walking the length of the aisle, close it against intrusion. Upon the arrival of the bride they form in pairs in the vestibule and lead the procession, followed by the bridesmaids, also in pairs. When they approach the altar they separate, one-half to the right and one-half to the left. The bridesmaids do likewise, and stand in front of the ushers.
At the conclusion of the ceremony they follow last in the procession to the vestibule, where, after giving their best wishes to the bride and congratulations to the groom, they hasten as soon as possible to the bride’s home to assist in introducing and meeting the guests at the reception or breakfast.
Dress. At a morning or afternoon wedding
they
wear black
frock coats.
At an evening wedding they wear full evening dress, also white kid gloves, which are not removed during the ceremony. Hats should be left in the vestibule.
Flowers. If the boutonniers
are given by the
bride, they
should go to her house to receive
them and
to have her place them in the lapels
of their
coats; or the boutonniers may be
kept at
the church in the care of the sexton.
Gloves. For morning or an afternoon
wedding
the gloves
are gray. At an evening wedding
the gloves
are white kid. The gloves are
not removed
during the ceremony.
Jewelry. They wear the scarf-pins
or cuff-
buttons
given to them by the groom.
Neckties. At a morning or afternoon
wedding
the neckties
are usually of some delicate color.
At an evening
wedding the neckties are
white, as
is customary with evening dress.
Wedding breakfast. The ushers
pair off with
the bridesmaids,
and are usually seated at a
table assigned
to them.
Wedding receptions. The
ushers, should
introduce
the guests to the groom and bride,
calling
the latter “Mr. and Mrs. A.,” beginning
with the
relatives and friends, and continuing
with the
others till all have been introduced.
In introducing
the guests, the usher should
offer his
arm to the woman, and if not
knowing
her, should ask her her name, while her
escort follows
and is introduced at the same
time.
The bride may request the usher to
introduce
the guests to the parents.
Tips. It is customary for a
man leaving after a
house party
to give to the valet who has
waited upon
him at least one dollar and more,
in proportion
for added attention.
With master on visit. As a general
rule,
few American
men take their valets with
them when
they visit. But when such is the
case, the
valet would wait upon his master,
and should
give as little care to the household
as possible.
VEIL
Mourning. See Widow-Mourning.
Wedding. This should be white.
While its
length depends
upon the wishes of the bride,
the long
veil is more in keeping with the
traditions
and customs of the ceremony.
Verbal Invitations. All invitations should be sent by mail, and verbal invitations avoided if possible; if one is given, it should be followed by one in writing.
Vice-President—how addressed.
An official letter
begins:
Sir, and ends, I have, sir, the honor
to remain
your most obedient servant.
A social
letter begins: My dear Mr.
Wilson,
and ends: I have the honor to remain
most sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope is: The Vice-
President,
John J. Wilson.
Viscount—how addressed.
An official letter
begins:
My Lord, and ends: I have the honor
to be your
Lordship’s obedient servant.
The address
on the envelope is: The
Right Honorable
Viscount Wilson.
A social
letter begins: Dear Lord
Wilson,
and ends: Believe me, my dear Lord
Wilson,
very sincerely yours.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Viscount
Wilson.
Viscountess—how addressed.
An official letter
begins:
Madam, and ends: I have the honor to
remain your
Ladyship’s most obedient servant.
The address
on the envelope reads: To the
Right Honorable,
the Viscountess of Kent.
A social
letter begins: Dear Lady Kent,
and ends:
Believe me, dear Lady Kent,
sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope reads: To the
Viscountess
of Kent.
Daughter of. See Daughter of Viscount.
Wife of younger son. See Wife of
Younger
Son of Viscount.
Younger son of. See Son (Younger) of Viscount.
Visiting-cards. See Cards, Visiting.
Visitors to town—cards.
Visitors to town should
send cards
to every one whom they desire to
see, with
the address written on the cards.
Vouchers. These are safeguards against the
admission
of uninvited guests at a subscription
ball, and
take the form of cards to be shown
at the door.
When a person
sends one of these vouchers
and an invitation
to a person, he should
enclose
one of his calling cards.
“WALLFLOWERS.” This is the name commonly
applied
to young women at a ball who do
not dance
because of lack of partners. It
should be
the aim of the hostess, with the
aid of her
sons and daughters, to find
partners
for such young women.
War, Secretary of—how
addressed, An official
letter begins:
Sir, and ends: I have, sir, the
honor to
remain your most obedient servant.
A social
letter begins: My dear Mr. Wilson,
and ends:
I have the honor to remain most
sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope is: Hon. John
J. Wilson,
Secretary of War.
Breakfast. See Wedding Reception or Breakfast.
Cake. At the conclusion of the wedding
break-
fast the
cake is placed before the bride, who
first cuts
a piece, and then it is passed to the
others.
More often it is put up in small
white boxes
and given to the guests, or
the boxes
containing the cake are placed on a
table in
the hallway, and the guests each
take one
on their departure.
Day. The wedding-day is named by
the bride,
and her
mother’s approval is asked by the
groom.
It is not
customary for the bride to see the
groom on
the wedding-day till she meets him
at the altar.
Kiss. The kiss in the ceremony is
being done
away with,
especially at church weddings.
Only the
bride’s parents and her most
intimate
friends should kiss her, and for others
to do so
is no longer good form.
Receptions or breakfasts. The married
couple,
on arriving at the house of the bride,
place themselves
in a convenient location,
and, assisted
by the best man, maid of honor,
and the
parents of both parties, receive the
invited
guests. Congratulations are given
to the groom
and best wishes to the bride.
A reception is more often given than a breakfast, as it allows more invitations and more freedom, and the refreshments are placed on the tables, so that the guests help themselves or are served by the bridesmaids.
The guests wait upon the married couple.
At a breakfast, when the congratulations are over, the breakfast is announced, and the married couple lead the way to the table reserved for them. Parents of both parties, the best man, and the maid of honor are usually placed at this table.
Guests leave
a card for the host and hostess
and another
for the married couple.
Invitations
are sent with the wedding
invitations,
but only to the nearest relatives and
friends.
They should
be immediately acknowledged,
either by
letter of acceptance or declination
with regret.
Trip. All details should be arranged
before-
hand by
the best man, who knows the
destination,
and should keep it an inviolate
secret,
revealing it only in case of accident.
It is becoming
the fashion for the married
couple to
do away with the trip, and instead
to begin
their married life in their own home.
Veil. This should be white.
While its length
depends
upon the wishes of the bride, the
long veil
is more in keeping with the
traditions
and customs of the wedding ceremony.
Women-cards. When invitations
have been
received to the church but not to the
wedding reception, cards should be sent to
the
bride’s parents and to the bridal couple.
WEDDINGS.
Aisle procession.
See Weddings-Procession
Up the Aisle.
Anniversaries. See Anniversaries-Wedding.
Announcements. Announcement
cards are sent
the day after the wedding, and need not be
acknowledged. They should be prepared
beforehand and ready to be mailed. The
expense is borne by the family of the bride.
At a home or a private wedding, announcement
cards can be sent to friends out of town.
At home. See Home Weddings.
Best man. See Best Man.
Best wishes. Best wishes
should be given to
the bride
and congratulations to the groom.
Bouquets. The bouquet carried
by the bride is
furnished
by the groom, who may also provide
bouquets
for the bridesmaids if he wishes.
Bride. See Bride.
Bridesmaids. See Bridesmaids.
Cake. See Wedding Cake.
Calls. See Weddings-Invitations-Calls.
Cards of admission to
church. These cards
are used
at all public weddings held in
churches,
and when used no one should be
admitted
to the church without one. They
are sent
with the wedding invitations.
They are
kept in stock by the stationer,
and are
not expensive.
Cards, visiting, after
marriage. Mr. and
Mrs. cards
are used by the wife only within
one year
after the marriage, after which
separate
cards are in order. These Mr. and
Mrs. cards
are used in sending gifts,
congratulations,
condolence, and at ceremonious
affairs,
when both the husband and wife are
represented.
Carriages. Carriages should
be provided to
take the
bride and her family to the church
and back
to the house, and also the guests
from the
church to the receptions.
The expense is borne by the family of the bride, save for the carriage used by the groom, which takes him and the best man to the church, and later takes the married couple to the house, and after the reception, to the station.
Choir-Boys. See choir-Boys at weddings.
Congratulations. Congratulations
may be
sent with
letter of acceptance or declination
of an invitation
to a wedding to those
sending
the invitations. And if acquaintance
with bride
and groom warrant, a note of
congratulations
may be sent to them also.
Guests in
personal conversation with the
latter give
best wishes to the bride and
congratulations
to the groom.
Church. See best man—church.
Bride—church.
Bridesmaids—church.
Groom—church. Ushers-church.
Dances. It is not usual
to have dances after the
wedding.
Departure of married
couple. See weddings—married
couple.
Dress. See best man—dress.
Bride—dress.
Groom-dress. Weddings-guests-dress,
etc.
Expenses. All the expenses
are borne by the
bride’s family, except the fees for the
license,
clergyman, organist, and sexton. The wedding-ring,
the carriages for the groom, ushers,
best man, and the carriage which takes away
the married couple, are also paid for by the
groom.
He also furnishes souvenirs
to the maid of
honor and bridesmaids, best man and ushers,
and all expenses of the wedding trip.
If the groom
gives a farewell bachelor dinner,
he bears
all expenses.
Farewell bachelor dinners.
See Groom-
Farewell Dinner.
Farewell bridal luncheon.
See Bride—
Farewell Luncheons.
Fees. The wedding fee, preferably
gold or
clean bills
in sealed envelope, is given by the
best man
to the officiating clergyman.
Custom leaves
the amount to the groom, who
should give
at least five dollars or more, in
proportion
to his income and social position.
The clergyman
usually gives the fee to his
wife.
Flower girls. See Flower Girls.
Flowers are in general use.
The quantity and
quality
of floral decorations must depend
upon the
taste and the wealth of the parties
concerned.
Bride. The bride, if she desires,
carries at the
wedding
ceremony a bouquet given by the
groom.
Flowers are sometimes dispensed
with, and
a Prayer-Book used.
Church. In addition to the palms
in the chancel,
a string
of flowers or white ribbons is stretched
across the
middle aisle, to reserve this place
for the
immediate family and specially invited guests.
Ushers. Boutonnieres, provided
by the bride’s
family,
should be given to the sexton by the
florist
on the wedding-day. They may be
made of
lilies of the valley, white roses, or
the like.
Sometimes
the ushers call at the house of
the bride
to have her fix them in the lapel of
their coats.
Gifts. The nearest members of
each family
should arrange
among themselves what gifts
to send,
and thus avoid duplicates.
Expensive
presents are sent only by most intimate
friends,
and articles of utility by relatives or
near friends.
All gifts should be sent within
two months
of date of marriage, and should
have thereon
the woman’s maiden name,
initial
cipher, or monogram, and should be
acknowledged
by the bride at the earliest
moment,
and not later than ten days after
her marriage.
It is not in good taste to make an ostentatious display of the gifts, and if they are exhibited, the cards of the donors should be removed, and only intimate friends invited.
Those sending
gifts should have the courtesy
of an invitation
to the wedding breakfast
or reception.
If any gifts
are sent to the groom, they
should bear
his initial.
A wedding
invitation does not necessarily
imply that
a gift must be sent, as the sending
of a gift
is optional.
Groom. See Groom.
Guests-breakfasts or receptions.
The
invited
guests leave the church for the bride’s
residence,
and there are introduced by the
ushers to
the married couple and those standing
up with
them. If the guests are unknown to
the ushers,
they should give their names to
one of them,
who offers his left arm to the woman,
while her
escort follows and is introduced at the same time.
At the breakfast, guests are usually assigned places, but, if not, may take any seat. Only the specially invited guests await the departure of the married couple, which ends the reception or breakfast.
If boxes
of wedding-cake are placed on a
table, each
guest takes one on his departure.
Guests-calls. Invited guests
should call at
least within
ten days and leave their cards.
Dress. Broadly speaking, at
a morning or afternoon
wedding
the guest wears afternoon dress,
and at an
evening wedding evening dress.
From the
latter rule there are no deviations
possible,
but in the former there is
greater
latitude. Thus it would be possible
for a man
to wear a black cutaway coat at
an afternoon
wedding.
Men. If the wraps are not left
in the carriage,
they are
removed in the vestibule and are
carried
on the arm into the pew. A man
follows
the woman, who is escorted to the
pew by the
usher. At the end of the ceremony
the guests
should not leave until the
immediate
family have passed out.
Guests who are not invited to the breakfast or reception should not take offense, as the number present on such occasions is necessarily limited. These guests may seat themselves or are seated by the ushers, but not in the pews reserved for the family and specially invited guests.
Women. No one should be present
at a wedding
in mourning,
and it should be laid aside temporarily
even by
the mother, who wears
purple velvet
or silk. Women on entering
the church
take the usher’s left arm, and are
escorted
to the pew, while their escort follows
behind.
If they are immediate members of the family or are specially invited guests, they should give their names to the usher that he may seat them in the places reserved for them.
Hats of groom and
of best man. To do
away with
the possibility of the best man
having to
take care of the hats of groom and
best man
during the wedding ceremony, it
is a good
plan for both groom and best man
to leave
them in the vestry, and to have them
carried
out to the front of the church, ready
for them
at the end of the ceremony.
Home See Home Weddings.
Host. See Father of Bride.
Hostess. See Mother of Bride.
Hours. Any hour from nine in
the morning to
nine in
the evening is appropriate.
The morning hours are usually selected for quiet home affairs; twelve o’clock, or high noon, is still considered as the fashionable hour, while from three to six is the hour most convenient for all concerned.
Evening
weddings are not very convenient,
chiefly
because it is not as easy to handle the
details
as in the daytime.
Invitations. The woman’s
parents, guardians,
or others
give the wedding, send out the invitations,
and bear
all the expense of engraving and sending
out the
same. They are issued in the name of the
one giving
the wedding, and should be sent to
near-by
friends about twenty days in advance of
the wedding
day and earlier to out-of-town friends.
With them
are sent the invitation to the wedding
breakfast
or reception, and also the card of
admission
to the church.
The groom should supply a list of names of such persons as he desires to have present, designating his preference for those to be present at the breakfast or reception.
In addressing wedding invitations, two envelopes are used. The inner one, unsealed, bears the name only of the person addressed, and is enclosed in another envelope, sealed, bearing the address of the person invited.
Parents
should, of course, order these
invitations
of a fashionable dealer in stationery,
that good
taste may be observed.
If the invitation contains an invitation to the breakfast or reception, it should be accepted or declined at once, and the answer sent to those issuing the invitation. If the invitation does not include a breakfast or reception invitation, no acknowledgment is necessary.
Should the
wedding, however, be at home,
and the
guests limited in number, an
acknowledgment
should be sent.
If the invitations
bear the letters R. S. V. P.
an acknowledgment
is necessary.
Bridesmaids. At a large church
wedding several
invitations
are usually given to the
bridesmaids
for their own personal use.
Calls. Very intimate friends
can call personally.
Friends
of the groom who have no
acquaintance
with the bride’s family should
send their
cards to those inviting them.
Those who do not receive with wedding invitations and announcements At Home cards should not call, but consider themselves dropped from the circle of acquaintances of the married couple.
Cards, leaving. If a person
is invited to a
wedding
at a church, but not to the reception
or breakfast,
a card should be left or mailed
both to
the bride’s parents and to the
married
couple.
Those present at the ceremony should leave cards in person for those inviting them, and if this is not possible, they can send them by mail or messenger.
Those invited
but not present should send
cards to
those who invited them.
Recalled. When for some good reason
a
wedding
has to be canceled or postponed,
the parents
of the bride should, as soon as
possible,
send printed notices, giving the
reasons,
to all the invited guests.
Journey. See Wedding Trip.
Maid of honor. See Maid of Honor.
Marking gifts. See Marking Wedding Gifts.
Married couple. Immediately
after the wedding
breakfast
or reception, the bride, with
her maid
of honor, retires to change her
clothes
for those suitable for travel. The
groom, with
his best man, does likewise, and
waits for
his wife at the foot of the stairs.
As she comes down the stairs she lets fall her bridal bouquet among the bridesmaids, who strive to secure it, as its possession is deemed a lucky sign of being the next bride.
As the couple pass out of the front door it is customary for the guests to throw after them, for luck, rice, rose leaves, flowers, old shoes, etc.
The form to be used in signing the hotel register is: Mr. and Mrs. John K. Wilson. Good taste and a desire for personal comfort demand that their public acts and words be not of such a character as to attract attention.
See also Wedding Trip.
At home. At the end
of the wedding trip they
proceed to their own home, and immediately
send out their At Home cards, unless they
have followed the better plan of enclosing
them with their wedding cards.
They are at perfect liberty to send them to whom they please, and thus to select their friends. At these “At Homes” light refreshment is served, and the married couple wear full evening dress.
They are
generally given a dinner by the
bridesmaids,
and are entertained by both
families
in appropriate ways.
Men-dress. At a morning
or afternoon wedding
the groom,
best man, and ushers wear
afternoon
dress, but at an evening wedding
they wear
evening dress.
For further
details see Best Man—Dress.
Groom—Dress.
Ushers—Dress.
Mourning should not be worn at a
wedding, but
should be
laid aside temporarily, the wearer
appearing
in purple.
Music. The organist and the
music are usually
selected
by the bride. Before the arrival of
the bride
the organist plays some bright
selection,
but on her entering the church
and passing
up the aisle he plays the Wedding March.
Pages. See Pages.
Private. See Private Wedding.
Procession up the aisle.
Many styles are
adopted
for the procession up the aisle. A
good order
is for the ushers to come first in
pairs, then
the bridesmaids, maid of honor,
and last
the bride on her father’s arm. At
the altar
the ushers and bridesmaids open
ranks to
allow the bride to pass through.
This order
is usually reversed in the procession
down the
aisle.
Recalling invitations.
See Wedding Invitations
(Recalled).
Receptions. See Wedding Receptions.
Rehearsals. Rehearsals should
be held even
for a quiet
home wedding, and at a sufficiently
early date
to insure the presence of all who
are to participate.
Reporters. See Reporters—Weddings.
Ribbons. See Ribbons at Church Weddings.
Rice. See Weddings—Throwing of Rice.
Ring. This may be dispensed
with, save in the
Roman Catholic
and in the Episcopal Church
service.
It is usually of plain gold, with
initials
of bride and groom and date of marriage
engraved
therein.
It is bought by the groom, who should give it to the best man to be kept till it is called for by the clergyman during the ceremony. It is worn on the third finger of the bride’s left hand.
Second marriages. See Widows—Weddings.
Signing the register.
This is sometimes done
by the bride
and the groom, and takes place
in the vestry,
where the best man signs as
chief witness
and some of the guests as witnesses.
Souvenirs. See Souvenirs.
Throwing of rice.
The throwing of rice is
to be discouraged,
but if it is to be done, the
maid of
honor should prepare packages of
rice and
hand them to the guests, who throw
it after
the bridal couple as they leave the
house for
their wedding trip.
Toasts. Toasts to the bride
and groom are customary
at the wedding
breakfast.
If the groom
gives a farewell bachelor dinner,
he should
propose a toast to the bride.
Trousseau. See Trousseau.
Ushers. See ushers
White ribbons. See ribbons.
Widows. See widows—weddings.
Women—dress.
Women wear afternoon or
evening dress, as the occasion requires.
See also widows. Guests.
Weddings—guests.
Weddings—widows.
White ribbons at weddings. See ribbons.
Widows.
Card. During the first year
of mourning a
widow has
no cards, as she makes no formal
visits.
After the first year, cards with border
of any desired
depth are used.
Either the husband’s name or the widow’s baptismal name may be used, but if in the immediate family the husband’s name is duplicated, she should use her own name to avoid confusion. When her married son has his father’s full name, the widow should add Sr. to hers, as the son’s wife is entitled to the name.
Mourning. A widow should wear
crape with a
bonnet having
a small border of white. The
veil should
be long and worn over the face
for three
months, after which a shorter veil
may be worn
for a year, and then the face
may be exposed.
Six months later white
and lilac
may be used, and colors resumed
after two
years.
Stationery, mourning. A
widow’s stationery
should be
heavily bordered, and is continued
as long
as she is in deep mourning. This is
gradually
decreased, in accordance with her
change of
mourning.
All embossing
or stamping should be done
in black.
Weddings. Widows should avoid
anything distinctively
white, even
in flowers—especially
white orange
blossoms and white veil,
these two
being distinctively indicative of
the first
wedding. If she wishes, she can
have bridesmaids
and ushers. Her wedding-cards
should show
her maiden name as part of her full name.
Widowers—stationery, mourning.
The width of
black on
his stationery should be reduced as
the interval
is diminished.
All stamping should be in black.
Wife—cards. Only the wife
of the oldest member
of the oldest
branch may use her husband’s
name without
the initials.
Wife and husband—cards,
visiting. When the wife
is calling,
she can leave cards of the husband
and sons
if it is impossible for them to do so
themselves.
After an
entertainment cards of the family
can be left
for the host and hostess by either
the wife
or any of the daughters.
Wife of baronet—how
addressed. An official letter
begins:
Madam, and ends: I have the honor
to remain
your Ladyship’s most obedient servant.
A social
letter begins: Dear Lady Wilson,
and ends:
Believe me, Lady Wilson, sincerely
yours,
The address
on the envelope is: To Lady
Wilson.
Wife of A Knight—how
addressed. An official letter
begins:
Madam, and ends: I have the honor
to remain
your Ladyship’s most obedient servant.
A social
letter begins: Dear Lady Wilson,
and ends:
Believe me, Lady Wilson, sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope reads: To
Lady Wilson.
Wife of younger son of Baron—how
addressed.
An official
letter begins: Madam, and ends:
I have the
honor to remain, madam, your
obedient
servant.
A social
letter begins: Dear Mrs. Wilson,
and ends:
Sincerely yours.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Honorable
Mrs. Wilson.
Wife of younger son of Duke—how
addressed.
An official
letter begins: Madam, and ends:
I have the
honor to remain, your Ladyship’s
most obedient
servant.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable
the Lady John Kent.
A social
letter begins: Dear Lady John
Kent, and
ends: Believe me, dear Lady John
Kent, faithfully
yours.
The address is: To the Lady John Kent.
Wife of younger son of Earl—how
addressed. An
official
letter begins: Madam, and ends: I
have the
honor to remain, madam, your obedient servant.
A social
letter begins: Dear Mrs. Wilson,
and ends:
Believe me, Mrs. Wilson, sincerely
yours.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Honorable
Mrs. Wilson.
Wife Of younger son of Marquis—how
addressed.
An official
letter begins: Madam, and ends:
I have the
honor to remain your Ladyship’s
most obedient
servant.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Right Honorable,
The Lady John Kent.
A social
letter begins: Dear Lady John Kent, and ends:
Believe
me, dear Lady John Kent, faithfully yours.
The address is: To the Lady John Kent.
Wife of younger son of viscount—how
addressed.
An official
letter begins: Madam, and ends:
I have the
honour to remain, madam, your
obedient
servant.
A social
letter begins: Dear Mrs. Wilson,
and ends:
Sincerely yours.
The address
on the envelope is: To the
Honorable
Mrs. Wilson.
Wine. A guest not caring for wine should
turn
down his
glass and leave it in that position,
or a mere
sign of dissent when it is offered
is sufficient.
Witnesses at weddings. If witnesses
are needed,
the best
man selects them, and himself signs
as the chief
witness.
Wooden weddings. Five years after the
marriage
comes the
wooden wedding. On the invitations
sent out
may be engraved, if desired,
No presents
received. Congratulations may
be extended
in accepting or declining these
invitations.
Those invited make suitable presents, and on this occasion any device made of wood is appropriate, including articles of utility—as, kitchen utensils, household ornaments, etc.
An entertainment usually follows,
Woolen weddings. This is the name of
the fortieth
wedding anniversary,
and is seldom celebrated.
The invitations may
have the words:
No presents received,
and in accepting or
declining the invitations,
congratulations may
be sent.
An entertainment should
be provided, and
any article of woolen
would be appropriate
as a gift.
Women.
Bachelor’s dinners.
Women do not call upon
a bachelor
after attending a dinner given by
him.
Conduct toward men.
Male acquaintances
should be
carefully chosen, and great care
exercised
in accepting invitations from them.
When declining invitations from a man personally given, explanations are not necessary. If they are deemed desirable, they should be given as delicately as possible and without giving offence.
It is well never to receive men alone, unless they are most intimate friends. Compromising positions are easily fallen into, and a woman should be constantly on her guard.
Women servants—tips.
It is customary for guests
at the end
of a house-party visit to give tips
to the maid
for extra attention and taking
care of
the room, and also to the cook. The
latter is
usually tipped by the married men
and bachelors.
Afternoon dress. See afternoon dress—women.
Afternoon teas. See afternoon
teas (formal)
—women.
Afternoon teas (informal)—women.
Bachelors’ dinners. See bachelors’ dinners—women.
Bachelors’ teas. See bachelors’ teas—women.
Balls. See balls—women.
Bowing. See bowing—women.
Breakfasts. See breakfasts—women.
Calls. See calls—women.
Cards. See cards (visiting)—women.
Chaperone. See chaperone.
CHRISTENINGS. See christenings—women.
Conclusion of letters.
See Conclusion of a
Letter—Women.
Cotillions by subscriptions.
See Cotillions
by Subscriptions—Women.
Dances. See Dances—Women.
Dancing. See Dancing—Women.
Dinners. See Dinners—Women.
Dress. See Dress—Women.
Driving. See Driving—Women.
Engagement. See Engagement—Women.
Evening dress. See Evening Dress—Women.
Funerals. See Funerals—Women.
Garden parties. See Garden Parties—Women.
Gloves. See Gloves—Women.
High tea. See High Tea—Women.
House parties. See House Parties—Women.
Introductions. See Introductions—Women.
Invitations. See Invitations—Women.
Letters. See fetters-Women.
Luncheons. See Luncheons—Women.
Morning dress. See Morning Dress—Women.
Mourning. See Mourning—Women.
Mourning cards. See Mourning
Cards—
Women.
New acquaintance. See New
Acquaintances—
Women.
Newcomers. See Newcomers—Residents’
Duty
to Women.
Riding. See Riding—Women.
Salutations. See Salutations—Women.
Shaking hands. See Shaking Hands—Women.
Stationery. See Stationery—Women.
Street-cars. See Street-cars—Women.
Street etiquette. See Street
Etiquette—
Women.
Theatre parties. See Theatre
Parties—
Women.
Titles. See Titles—Women.
Traveling. See Traveling—Women.
Weddings. See Weddings—Women.
Written cards are in bad taste, but in case
of
necessity
may be used. The name should be
written
in full if not too long, and should
be the autograph
of the sender.
Younger son. See Son (Younger).
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