of my sister Rosalie; both she and my mother hardly ever deigning to cast a glance at the young libertine whom they only saw at rare intervals, looking deadly pale and worn out:  my ever-growing despair made me at last resort to foolhardiness as the only means of forcing hostile fate to my side.  It suddenly struck me that only by dint of big stakes could I make big profits.  To this end I decided to make use of my mother’s pension, of which I was trustee of a fairly large sum.  That night I lost everything I had with me except one thaler:  the excitement with which I staked that last coin on a card was an experience hitherto quite strange to my young life.  As I had had nothing to eat, I was obliged repeatedly to leave the gambling table owing to sickness.  With this last thaler I staked my life, for my return to my home was, of course, out of the question.  Already I saw myself in the grey dawn, a prodigal son, fleeing from all I held dear, through forest and field towards the unknown.  My mood of despair had gained so strong a hold upon me that, when my card won, I immediately placed all the money on a fresh stake, and repeated this experiment until I had won quite a considerable amount.  From that moment my luck grew continuously.  I gained such confidence that I risked the most hazardous stakes:  for suddenly it dawned upon me that this was destined to be my last day with the cards.  My good fortune now became so obvious that the bank thought it wise to close.  Not only had I won back all the money I had lost, but I had won enough to pay off all my debts as well.  My sensations during the whole of this process were of the most sacred nature:  I felt as if God and His angels were standing by my side and were whispering words of warning and of consolation into my ears.

Once more I climbed over the gate of my home in the early hours of the morning, this time to sleep peacefully and soundly and to awake very late, strengthened and as though born again.

No sense of shame deterred me from telling my mother, to whom I presented her money, the whole truth about this decisive night.  I voluntarily confessed my sin in having utilised her pension, sparing no detail.  She folded her hands and thanked God for His mercy, and forthwith regarded me as saved, believing it impossible for me ever to commit such a crime again.

And, truth to tell, gambling had lost all fascination for me from that moment.  The world, in which I had moved like one demented, suddenly seemed stripped of all interest or attraction.  My rage for gambling had already made me quite indifferent to the usual student’s vanities, and when I was freed from this passion also, I suddenly found myself face to face with an entirely new world.

To this world I belonged henceforth:  it was the world of real and serious musical study, to which I now devoted myself heart and soul.