Heinrich Brockhaus told me he could not help me, and I left him.  I was sorely ashamed, but made a strong effort to conceal the painfulness of my situation.  My other undertakings turned out equally hopeless, and after having been kept waiting for hours at Schlesinger’s, listening to my employer’s very trivial conversations with his callers—­conversations which he seemed purposely to protract—­I reappeared under the windows of my home long after dark, utterly unsuccessful.  I saw Minna looking anxiously from one of the windows.  Half expecting my misfortune she had, in the meantime, succeeded in borrowing a small sum of our lodger and boarder, Brix, the flute-player, whom we tolerated patiently, though at some inconvenience to ourselves, as he was a good-natured fellow.  So she was able to offer me at least a comfortable meal.  Further help was to come to me subsequently, though at the cost of great sacrifices on my part, owing to the success of one of Donizetti’s operas, La Favorita, a very poor work of the Italian maestro’s, but welcomed with great enthusiasm by the Parisian public, already so much degenerated.  This opera, the success of which was due mainly to two lively little songs, had been acquired by Schlesinger, who had lost heavily over Halevy’s last operas.

Taking advantage of my helpless situation, of which he was well aware, he rushed into our rooms one morning, beaming all over with amusing good-humour, called for pen and ink, and began to work out a calculation of the enormous fees which he had arranged for me!  He put down:  ’La Favorita, complete arrangement for pianoforte, arrangement without words, for solo; ditto, for duet; complete arrangement for quartette; the same for two violins; ditto for a Cornet a piston.  Total fee, frcs. 1100.  Immediate advance in cash, frcs. 500.’  I could see at a glance what an enormous amount of trouble this work would involve, but I did not hesitate a moment to undertake it.

Curiously enough, when I brought home these five hundred francs in hard shining five-franc pieces, and piled them up on the table for our edification, my sister Cecilia Avenarius happened to drop in to see us.  The sight of this abundance of wealth seemed to produce a good effect on her, as she had hitherto been rather chary of coming to see us; and after that we used to see rather more of her, and were often invited to dine with them on Sundays.  But I no longer cared for any amusements.  I was so deeply impressed by my past experiences that I made up my mind to work through this humiliating, albeit profitable task, with untiring energy, as though it were a penance imposed on me for the expiation of my bygone sins.  To save fuel, we limited ourselves to the use of the bedroom, making it serve as a drawing-room, dining-room, and study, as well as dormitory.  It was only a step from my bed to my work-table; to be seated at the dining-table, all I had to do was to turn my chair round, and I left my seat altogether only late at night when I wanted to go to bed again.  Every fourth day I allowed myself a short constitutional.  This penitential process lasted almost all through the winter, and sowed the seeds of those gastric disorders which were to be more or less of a trouble to me for the rest of my life.