The speaker having at this point refreshed his ideas by a sip of the pale-coloured tea, and the other ladies having laughed heartily in anticipation of the fun that was coming, one of them observed:-

“You don’t say so, ma’am—­” then clicked astonishment with her tongue against the roof of her mouth several times, and added impressively, “Pray let us hear!”

“I shall be most happy, ma’am,” resumed the first speaker, with a graceful inclination forwards.  “Well!—­you see—­it was a party.  I had invited some of my most distinguished friends—­really, ma’am, fashionable friends, I may say, to dinner; and, ahem! you see—­some little anxiety always attends such affairs—­even—­in the best regulated families!”

Here the speaker winked considerably at No. 4, and laughed very loudly himself at his own joke.

“Dear me, you must excuse me, ma’am,” he proceeded.  “So, you see, I felt a little fatigued by my morning’s exertions, (to tell you the truth, there had been no end of bother about everything!) and I retired quietly up-stairs to take a short nap before the dressing-bell rang.  But I had not been laid down quite half an hour, when there was a loud knock at the door.  Really, ma’am, I felt quite alarmed, but was just able to ask, ‘Who’s there?’ Before I had time to get an answer, however, the door was burst open by the housemaid.  Her face was absolute scarlet, and she sobbed out:-

“‘Oh, ma’am, what shall we do?’

“‘Good gracious, Hannah,’ cried I, ’what can be the matter?  Has the soot come down the chimney?  Speak!’

“‘It’s nothing of that sort, ma’am,’ answered Hannah, ’it’s the cook!’

“‘The cook!’ I shouted.  ’I wish you would not be so foolish, Hannah, but speak out at once.  What about Cook?’

“‘Please, m’m, the cook’s lost!’ says Hannah.  ‘We can’t find her!’

“‘Your wits are lost, Hannah, I think,’ cried I, and sent her to tidy the rooms while I slipt downstairs to look for the cook.

“Fancy a lost cook, ma’am!  Was there ever such a ridiculous idea?  And on the day of a dinner-party too!  Did you ever hear of such a trial to a lady’s feelings before?”

“Never, I am sure,” responded the lady opposite.  “Did you, ma’am?” turning to her neighbour.

But the other three ladies all shook their heads, bit their lips, and declared that they “Never had, they were sure!”

“I thought not!” ejaculated the narrator.  “Well, ma’am, I went into the kitchens, the larder, the pantries, the cellars, and all sorts of places, and still no cook!  Do you know, she really was nowhere!  Actually, ma’am, the cook was lost!”

Shouts of laughter burst forth here; but the lady (who was No. 5) put up his hand, and called out in his own natural tones:-

“Stop!  I haven’t got to the end yet!”

“Order!” proclaimed No. 4 immediately, in a very commanding voice, and thumping the table with the head of an old wooden doll to enforce obedience.