‘Will, I had learned to love him before I had ever seen you.’
’Why didn’t you tell me so, that I might have known there was no hope, and have gone away utterly out of the kingdom? If it was all settled then, why didn’t you tell me, and save me from breaking my heart with false hopes?’
’Nothing was settled then. I hardly knew my own mind; but yet I loved him. There; cannot you understand it? Have I not told you enough?’
‘Yes, I understand it.’
‘And do you blame me?’
He paused awhile before he answered her. ’No; I do not blame you. I suppose I must blame no one but myself. But you should bear with me. I was so happy, and now I am so wretched.’
There was nothing that she could say to comfort him. She had altogether mistaken the nature of the man’s regard, and had even mistaken the very nature of the man. So much she now learned, and could tell herself that had she known him better she would either have prevented this second visit, or would have been careful that he should have learned the truth from herself before he came. Now she could only wait till he should again have got strength to hide his suffering under the veil of his own manliness.
‘I have not a word to say against what you are doing,’ he said at last; ’not a word. But you will understand what I mean when I tell you that it is not likely that you will come to Plaistow.’
‘Some day, Will, when you have a wife of your own’
’Very well; but we won’t talk about that at present, if you please. When I have, things will be different. In the meantime your course and mine will be separate. You, I suppose, will be with him in London, while I shall be at the devil as likely as not.’
‘How can you speak to me in that way? Is that like being my brother?’
’I don’t feel like being your brother. However, I beg your pardon, and now we will have done with it. Spilt milk can’t be helped, and my milk pans have got themselves knocked over. That’s all. Don’t you think we ought to go up to your father again?’
On the following day Belton and Mr Amedroz discussed the same subject, but the conversation went off very quietly. Will was determined not to exhibit his weakness before the father as he had done before the daughter. When the squire, with a maundering voice, drawled out some expression of regret that his daughter’s choice had not fallen in another place, Will was able to say that bygones must he bygones. He regretted it also, but that was now over. And when the squire endeavoured to say a few ill-natured words about Captain Aylmer, Will stopped him at once by asserting that the captain was all that he ought to be.
’And it would have made me so happy to think that my daughter’s child should come to live in his grandfather’s old house,’ murmured Mr Amedroz.
‘And there’s no knowing that he mayn’t do so yet,’ said Will. ’But all these things are so doubtful that a man is wrong to fix his happiness upon them.’ After that he went out to ramble about, the place, and before the third day was over Clara was able to perceive that, in spite of what he had said, he was as busy about the cattle as though his bread depended on them.


