Hence in order to preserve it for all time I embalm some little samples of it, selected of course absolutely at random,—­as such things always are—­in the pages of this book.

Let me begin with:—­

I—­THE CABLE NEWS FROM RUSSIA

This was the great breakfast-table feature for at least three years.  Towards the end of the war some people began to complain of it.  They said that they questioned whether it was accurate.  Here for example is one fortnight of it.

Petrograd, April 14.  Word has reached here that the
   Germans have captured enormous quantities of grain on
   the Ukrainian border. 
April 15.  The Germans have captured no grain on the
   Ukrainian border.  The country is swept bare. 
April 16.  Everybody in Petrograd is starving. 
April 17.  There is no lack of food in Petrograd. 
April 18.  The death of General Korniloff is credibly
   reported this morning. 
April 19.  It is credibly reported this morning that
   General Korniloff is alive. 
April 20.  It is credibly reported that General
   Korniloff is hovering between life and death. 
April 21.  The Bolsheviki are overthrown. 
April 22.  The Bolsheviki got up again. 
April 23.  The Czar died last night. 
April 24.  The Czar did not die last night. 
April 25.  General Kaleidescope and his Cossacks
   are moving north. 
April 26.  General Kaleidescope and his Cossacks
   are moving south. 
April 27.  General Kaleidescope and his Cossacks
   are moving east. 
April 28.  General Kaleidescope and his Cossacks
   are moving west. 
April 29.  It is reported that the Cossacks under General
   Kaleidescope have revolted.  They demand the Maximum. 
   General Kaleidescope hasn’t got it. 
April 30.  The National Pan-Russian Constituent Universal
   Duma which met this morning at ten-thirty, was
   dissolved at twenty-five minutes to eleven.

My own conclusion, reached with deep regret, is that the Russians are not yet fit for the blessings of the Magna Carta and the Oklahama Constitution of 1907.  They ought to remain for some years yet under the Interstate Commerce Commission.

II—­SAMPLE OF SPECIAL CORRESPONDENCE

New York (through London via Holland and coming out at Madrid).  Mr. O. Howe Lurid, our special correspondent, writing from “Somewhere near Somewhere” and describing the terrific operations of which he has just been an eyewitness, says: 

“From the crest where I stood, the whole landscape about me was illuminated with the fierce glare of the bursting shells, while the ground on which I stood quivered with the thunderous detonation of the artillery.

“Nothing in the imagination of a Dante could have equalled the lurid and pyrogriffic grandeur of the scene.  Streams of fire rose into the sky, falling in bifurcated crystallations in all directions.  Disregarding all personal danger, I opened one eye and looked at it.