The Upton Letters eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 268 pages of information about The Upton Letters.

The Upton Letters eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 268 pages of information about The Upton Letters.
demands upon one’s attention.  Some days, again, it is almost unheeded, and one passes through it blind and indifferent.  It is an expression, I cannot help feeling, of the very mind of God; and yet the ancient earthwork in which I stand, bears witness to the fact that in far-off days men lived in danger and anxiety, fighting and striving for bare existence.  We have established by law and custom a certain personal security nowadays; is our sense of beauty born of that security?  I cannot help wondering whether the old warriors who built this place cared at all for the beauty of the earth; and yet over it all hangs the gentle sadness of all sweet things that have an end.  All those warriors are dust; the boys and girls who wandered a century ago where I wander to-day, they are at rest too in the little churchyard that lies at my feet; and my heart goes out to all who have loved and suffered, and to those who shall hereafter love and suffer here.  An idle sympathy, perhaps, but none the less strong and real.

But now for a little human experience that befell me here.  I found the other day, not far from the church, an old artist sketching.  A refined, sad-looking old fellow, sunburned and active, with white hair and pointed beard, and a certain pathetic attempt, of a faded kind, to dress for his part—­low collar, a red tie, rough shooting-jacket, and so forth.  He seemed in a sociable mood, and I sate down beside him.  How it came about I hardly know, but he was soon telling me the story of his life.  He was the tenant, I found, of the old manor-house, which he held at a ridiculous rent, and he had lived here nearly forty years.  He had found the place as a young man, wandering about in search of the picturesque.  I gathered that he had bright dreams and wide ambitions.  He had a small independence, and he had meant to paint great pictures and make a name for himself.  He had married; his wife was long dead, his children out in the world, and he was living on alone, painting the same pictures, bought, so far as I could make out, mostly by American visitors.  His drawing was old-fashioned and deeply mannerised.  He was painting not what was there, but some old and faded conception of his own as to what it was like—­missing, I think, half the beauty of the place.  He seemed horribly desolate.  I tried, for his consolation and my own, to draw out a picture of the beautiful refined life he led; and the old fellow began to wear a certain jaunty air of dignity and distinction, which would have amused me if it had not made me feel inclined to cry.  But he soon fell back into what is, I suppose, a habitual melancholy.  “Ah, if you had known what my dreams were!” he said once.  He went on to say that he now wished that he had taken up some simple and straightforward profession, had made money, and had his grandchildren about him.  “I am more ghost than man,” he said, shaking his dejected head.

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The Upton Letters from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.