Thyrza eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 748 pages of information about Thyrza.

Thyrza eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 748 pages of information about Thyrza.

’Do you think she expects my coming before long?  Does such expectation explain her constant cheerfulness?—­otherwise, I do not quite understand her, and have long felt it a difficulty.  I put absolute faith in all you tell me of her—­need I say that?  But, if indeed she looks forward to seeing me, in what manner has she conceived that hope?  I confess I did not think that her nature was of the kind which can derive sufficient support from hope alone, hope which comes of mere wish.  It would be so very different if any word had even passed between us which her memory could store up as encouragement.  In that case she would hope on for years, her own fidelity making it impossible for her to suspect me of unfaithfulness.  That, I believe, is in her character.  You remember that, in my raving, I accused myself to you and said that I was conscious of having allowed her to read my thoughts.  I cannot now be sure whether that was true or not; I heartily wish I could.  Still, I am sure that I did not purposely lead her to think I was in love with her.  And, as things turned out, nothing subsequently happened to give her that idea; at all events, nothing I ever knew of.  True, I made confession to Grail, but he would not have spoken of it to Thyrza, even if he had had opportunity, which you are convinced he has not.  And you say it is equally certain that Lydia Trent would not help her to such knowledge.  We can only conclude that the fact of your adopting her, as it were, makes her hope that she is being prepared for something in the future.

’Well, I know it is not impossible that she has forgotten me, in the lover’s sense.  I am not so conceited as to believe that a girl who has once conceived a liking for me must necessarily hold me in her heart for ever.  There would be nothing strange, certainly nothing unworthy, in her putting away all thought of one who, for anything she knew, had never dreamed of loving her.  I wonder what your own belief is?  But do not write about this.  I shall see you very soon.  I mean to be in England just before the appointed day, and to come to you at once.

’The future puzzles me a little at times, and yet after all it will be very simple.  When a man marries the duties of life are suddenly made very plain.  Formerly it was my incessant question:  What ought I to do with myself, with my time, with my money?  And of course, being what I am and living in our age, I drove on the rocks of philanthropic enterprise.  No more risk of that.  The one task before me is to make a woman as happy as by all endeavour I may; to think of nothing in this world until her heart is at rest; to sacrifice everything to her advancement; and therein, easily enough, to find my own happiness.  The circumstances of my marriage will give me more opportunity of making this aim predominant than men usually have.  Thyrza will need to be taught much, and will be eager to learn.  I think I shall take a house not far from London,

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Thyrza from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.