I am in a pitiful condition, and I know that to such a friend as you pity comes from love.  Give me up if you can; that will settle all.  With my terrible care my violent nervous disorder has also returned.  During my work I frequently felt quite well; the thunder-clouds seemed to have cleared away.  I often felt beautifully elevated, gently supported; generally I was silent, but it was from inner joy; even hope wound itself softly round my heart; the children of fable came to the weeping elf, saying, “Weep not; thou too mayst still be happy.”  But the word resounded from farther and farther distance, till at last I could hear it no longer.  Silence! now the old night holds me again; let it devour me altogether!

Pardon me.  I cannot help it.

Farewell, my Franz; farewell; farewell.

Your

R. W.

146.

Dear Friend,

You were going to send me your “Kunstler.”  Why does it not arrive?

How about the “Faust” symphony?  I am writing the “Rhinegold” at once in full score.  I did not see my way to jotting down clearly the introduction (the depth of the Rhine) as a sketch; so I hit upon the full score.  This is a slower way of proceeding, and my head is still a little confused.

The Princess has done well; greet her and thank her warmly from me.  Who knows how it will turn out?  I do not care to know.

This is a sign of life to which you must respond sympathetically.

Your

R. W.

Zurich, February 7th, 1854

147.

Dearest Richard,

It is a sad fate that we have to live apart from each other.  I can tell you nothing but that I think of you constantly and love you from my heart of hearts.

Latterly my time has been painfully occupied by all manner of business, visits, work, etc.  I have written to nobody, as you may well imagine, because you did not receive a letter from me.

Together with this I send you the score of my “Kunstler” chorus, and between this and the autumn I intend to publish half-a-dozen orchestral pieces, also in full score.  By October the “Faust” symphony will be finished, which also will be published soon afterwards.

Let us leave these trifles alone and speak of your “Rhinegold.”  Have you really finished it?  That has been wonderfully quick work indeed.  You know how delighted I should be if you would let me see the score.  Send it to me as soon as you can do without it.

In the meantime I have not neglected your pecuniary affairs, and hope that my intentions will not be frustrated.  Candidly answer me two questions:—­

1.  Have you pressing debts, and what sum do you absolutely require to meet them?

2.  Can you manage to live this year on your present income?

There is a probability that Berlin may come off next autumn, and in that case I shall let you know the little result of my effort in good time.  For the present do not speak about it.  Dorn was here, and conducted the second performance of his “Nibelungen.”  The work is to be given at Berlin in six weeks.