Once when we were nine years old he went a long errand of nearly two miles for the fruiterer, who gave him a splendid big apple for reward, and he was flying home with it, almost beside himself with astonishment and delight, and I met him, and he let me look at the apple, not thinking of treachery, and I ran off with it, eating it as I ran, he following me and begging; and when he overtook me I offered him the core, which was all that was left; and I laughed.  Then he turned away, crying, and said he had meant to give it to his little sister.  That smote me, for she was slowly getting well of a sickness, and it would have been a proud moment for him, to see her joy and surprise and have her caresses.  But I was ashamed to say I was ashamed, and only said something rude and mean, to pretend I did not care, and he made no reply in words, but there was a wounded look in his face as he turned away toward his home which rose before me many times in after years, in the night, and reproached me and made me ashamed again.  It had grown dim in my mind, by and by, then it disappeared; but it was back now, and not dim.

Once at school, when we were eleven, I upset my ink and spoiled four copy-books, and was in danger of severe punishment; but I put it upon him, and he got the whipping.

And only last year I had cheated him in a trade, giving him a large fish-hook which was partly broken through for three small sound ones.  The first fish he caught broke the hook, but he did not know I was blamable, and he refused to take back one of the small hooks which my conscience forced me to offer him, but said, “A trade is a trade; the hook was bad, but that was not your fault.”

No, I could not sleep.  These little, shabby wrongs upbraided me and tortured me, and with a pain much sharper than one feels when the wrongs have been done to the living.  Nikolaus was living, but no matter; he was to me as one already dead.  The wind was still moaning about the eaves, the rain still pattering upon the panes.

In the morning I sought out Seppi and told him.  It was down by the river.  His lips moved, but he did not say anything, he only looked dazed and stunned, and his face turned very white.  He stood like that a few moments, the tears welling into his eyes, then he turned away and I locked my arm in his and we walked along thinking, but not speaking.  We crossed the bridge and wandered through the meadows and up among the hills and the woods, and at last the talk came and flowed freely, and it was all about Nikolaus and was a recalling of the life we had lived with him.  And every now and then Seppi said, as if to himself: 

“Twelve days!—­less than twelve days.”

We said we must be with him all the time; we must have all of him we could; the days were precious now.  Yet we did not go to seek him.  It would be like meeting the dead, and we were afraid.  We did not say it, but that was what we were feeling.  And so it gave us a shock when we turned a curve and came upon Nikolaus face to face.  He shouted, gaily: