With heartfelt disgust, if we can do so, by all means; but not with disgust pretended only and not felt in the heart at all.  The laws against bribery at elections are now so stringent that an unfortunate candidate may easily become guilty, even though actuated by the purest intentions.  But not the less on that account does any gentleman, ambitious of the honour of serving his country in Parliament, think it necessary as a preliminary measure to provide a round sum of money at his banker’s.  A candidate must pay for no treating, no refreshments, no band of music; he must give neither ribbons to the girls nor ale to the men.  If a huzza be uttered in his favour, it is at his peril; it may be necessary for him to prove before a committee that it was the spontaneous result of British feeling in his favour, and not the purchased result of British beer.  He cannot safely ask any one to share his hotel dinner.  Bribery hides itself now in the most impalpable shapes, and may be effected by the offer of a glass of sherry.  But not the less on this account does a poor man find that he is quite unable to overcome the difficulties of a contested election.

We strain at our gnats with a vengeance, but we swallow our camels with ease.  For what purpose is it that we employ those peculiarly safe men of business—­Messrs Nearthewinde and Closerstil—­when we wish to win our path through all obstacles into that sacred recess?  Alas! the money is still necessary, is still prepared, or at any rate, expended.  The poor candidate of course knows nothing of the matter till the attorney’s bill is laid before him, when all danger of petitions has passed away.  He little dreamed till then, not he, that there had been banquetings and junketings, secret doings and deep drinkings at his expense.  Poor candidate!  Poor member!  Who was so ignorant as he!  ’Tis true he has paid bills before; but ’tis equally true that he specially begged his managing friend Mr Nearthewinde, to be very careful that all was done according to law!  He pays the bill, however, and on the next election will again employ Mr Nearthewinde.

Now and again, at rare intervals, some glimpse into the inner sanctuary does reach the eyes of ordinary mortal men without; some slight accidental peep into those mysteries from when all corruption has been so thoroughly expelled; and then, how delightfully refreshing is the sight, when, perhaps, some ex-member, hurled from his paradise like a fallen peri, reveals the secret of that pure heaven, and, in the agony of his despair, tells us all that it cost him to sit for—­through those few halcyon years!

But Mr Nearthewinde is a safe man, and easy to be employed with but little danger.  All these stringent bribery laws only enhance the value of such very safe men as Mr Nearthewinde.  To him, stringent laws against bribery are the strongest assurance of valuable employment.  Were these laws of a nature to be evaded with ease, any indifferent attorney might manage a candidate’s affairs and enable him to take his seat with security.