The Guardian Angel eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 455 pages of information about The Guardian Angel.

The Guardian Angel eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 455 pages of information about The Guardian Angel.
and Loraine and the occupation of Paris! [Vicious digs with a pencil through the above proper names.] Race for the Derby won by Sir Joseph Hawley’s Musjid! [That’s what England cares for!  Hooray for the Darby!  Italy be deedeed!] Visit of Prince Alfred to the Holy Land.  Letter from our, own Correspondent. [Oh!  Oh!  A West Minkville?] Cotton advanced.  Breadstuffs declining.—­Deacon Rumrill’s barn burned down on Saturday night.  A pig missing; supposed to have “fallen a prey to the devouring element.” [Got roasted.] A yellow mineral had been discovered on the Doolittle farm, which, by the report of those who had seen it, bore a strong resemblance to California gold ore.  Much excitement in the neighborhood in consequence [Idiots!  Iron pyrites!] A hen at Four Corners had just laid an egg measuring 7 by 8 inches.  Fetch on your biddies! [Editorial wit!] A man had shot an eagle measuring six feet and a half from tip to tip of his wings.—­Crops suffering for want of rain [Always just so.  “Dry times, Father Noah!”] The editors had received a liberal portion of cake from the happy couple whose matrimonial union was recorded in the column dedicated to Hymen.  Also a superior article of [article of! bah!] steel pen from the enterprising merchant [shopkeeper] whose advertisement was to be found on the third page of this paper.—­An interesting Surprise Party [cheap theatricals] had transpired [bah!] on Thursday evening last at the house of the Rev. Mr. Stoker.  The parishioners had donated [donated!  Give is a good word enough for the Lord’s Prayer.  Donate our daily bread!] a bag of meal, a bushel of beans, a keg of pickles, and a quintal of salt-fish.  The worthy pastor was much affected, etc., etc. [Of course.  Call’em.  Sensation parties and done with it!] The Rev. Dr. Pemberton and the venerable Dr. Hurlbut honored the occasion with their presence.—­We learn that the Rev. Ambrose Eveleth, rector of St. Bartholomew’s Chapel, has returned from his journey, and will officiate to-morrow.

Then came strings of advertisements, with a luxuriant vegetation of capitals and notes of admiration.  More of those prime goods!  Full Assortments of every Article in our line! [Except the one thing you want!] Auction Sale.  Old furniture, feather-beds, bed-spreads [spreads! ugh!], setts [setts!] crockery-ware, odd vols., ullage bbls. of this and that, with other household goods, etc., etc., etc.,—­the etceteras meaning all sorts of insane movables, such as come out of their bedlam-holes when an antiquated domestic establishment disintegrates itself at a country “vandoo.”—­Several announcements of “Feed,” whatever that may be,—­not restaurant dinners, anyhow,—­also of “Shorts,”—­terms mysterious to city ears as jute and cudbear and gunnybags to such as drive oxen in the remote interior districts.—­Then the marriage column above alluded to, by the fortunate recipients of the cake.  Right opposite, as if

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The Guardian Angel from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.