Here, dear ladies, is an advertisement which I cut out of The Times a few days since, expressly for you: 

“A lady is desirous of obtaining a situation for a very respectable young woman as head kitchen-maid under a man-cook.  She has lived four years under a very good cook and housekeeper.  Can make ice, and is an excellent baker.  She will only take a place in a very good family, where she can have the opportunity of improving herself, and, if possible, staying for two years.  Apply by letter to,” &c. &c.

There, Mrs. Toddles, what do you think of that, and did you ever?  Well, no, Mrs. Doddles.  Upon my word now, Mrs. T., I don’t think I ever did.  A respectable young woman—­as head kitchen-maid—­under a man-cook, will only take a place in a very good family, where she can improve, and stay two years.  Just note up the conditions, Mrs. Toddles, mum, if you please, mum, and then let us see:—­

1.  This young woman is to be head kitchen-maid, that is to say there is to be a chorus of kitchen-maids, of which Y. W. is to be chief.

2.  She will only be situated under a man-cook. (A) Ought he to be a French cook; and (B), if so, would the lady desire him to be a Protestant?

3.  She will only take a place in a very good family.  How old ought the family to be, and what do you call good? that is the question.  How long after the Conquest will do?  Would a banker’s family do, or is a baronet’s good enough?  Best say what rank in the peerage would be sufficiently high.  But the lady does not say whether she would like a High Church or a Low Church family.  Ought there to be unmarried sons, and may they follow a profession? and please say how many daughters; and would the lady like them to be musical?  And how many company dinners a week?  Not too many, for fear of fatiguing the upper kitchen-maid; but sufficient, so as to keep the upper kitchen-maid’s hand in. [N.B.—­I think I can see a rather bewildered expression on the countenances of Mesdames Doddles and Toddles as I am prattling on in this easy bantering way.]

4.  The head kitchen-maid wishes to stay for two years, and improve herself under the man-cook, and having of course sucked the brains (as the phrase is) from under the chefs nightcap, then the head kitchen-maid wishes to go.

And upon my word, Mrs. Toddles, mum, I will go and fetch the cab for her.  The cab?  Why not her ladyship’s own carriage and pair, and the head coachman to drive away the head kitchen-maid?  You see she stipulates for everything—­the time to come; the time to stay; the family she will be with; and as soon as she has improved herself enough, of course the upper kitchen-maid will step into the carriage and drive off.

Well, upon my word and conscience, if things are coming to this pass, Mrs. Toddles and Mrs. Doddles, mum, I think I will go up stairs and get a basin and a sponge, and then down stairs and get some hot water; and then I will go and scrub that chalk-mark off my own door with my own hands.