[Speech of Horace Porter at the fourth annual dinner of the Poughkeepsie District Members of the Holland Society of New York, October 3, 1893.  The banquet was held in commemoration of the relief of the siege of Leyden, 1574.  J. William Beekman, the President, introduced General Porter as follows:  “Gentlemen, we will now proceed to a toast that we shall all enjoy, I am sure, after so much has been said about the Dutch.  This toast is to be responded to by a gentleman whom we all know.  It is hardly necessary to introduce him.  But I will read the sentiment attached to this toast:  ’The American:  Formed of the blendings of the best strains of Europe, he cannot be worthy of his ancestry without combining in himself the best qualities of them all.’  And I call upon General Horace Porter to respond.”]

MR. PRESIDENT AND GENTLEMEN:—­We speakers have naturally been a little embarrassed at the outset this evening, for just as we were about to break into speech, your President reminded us that the only one worthy of having a monument built to his memory was William the Silent.  Well, it seemed to carry me back to those ancient days of Greece, when Pythagoras inaugurated his School of Silence, and called on Damocles to make the opening speech.

Your President has shown from the start this evening that he is determined to enforce discipline, totally regardless of previous acquaintance.  He appears to have been in a Shakespearian mood to-night.  He seemed to be looking at each one of these alleged speakers and saying of him:  “Therefore, I’ll watch him till he be dieted to my request and then I will set upon him.”  But he must remember that Shakespeare also said:  “Dainty bits make rich the ribs, but bankrupt quite the wits.”

I do not know how the rest of you feel, but after these delicious but somewhat plethoric dinners, I feel very much like Mr. Butterby, when his lavender-colored trousers were sent to him the night before his wedding, and he returned them to the tailor with a note saying, “Let them out two inches around the waist, which will leave a margin for emotion and the wedding breakfast.” [Laughter.]

Now, we speakers to-night cannot expect to be received with any vast ebullition of boisterous enthusiasm here, for we understand that every member pays for his own wine.  Besides, I am sure that you will not be likely to get any more ideas from me than you would get lather from a cake of hotel soap.

After having wrestled with about thirty dishes at this dinner, and after all this being called upon to speak, I feel a great sympathy with that woman in Ireland who had had something of a field-day on hand.  She began by knocking down two somewhat unpopular agents of her absentee landlord, and was seen, later in the day, dancing a jig on the stomach of the prostrate form of the Presbyterian minister.  One of her friends admired her prowess in this direction and invited her in, and gave her a good stiff glass of whiskey.  Her friend said, “Shall I pour some water in your whiskey?” and the woman replied, “For God’s sake, haven’t I had trouble enough already to-day?” [Laughter.]