[Speech of Horace Porter at the eighth annual dinner of the New England Society in the City of Brooklyn, December 21, 1887.  The President, John Winslow, proposed the toast, “The Citizen Soldier,” saying:  “The next regular toast is ‘The Citizen Soldier.’  I have already referred to the embarrassment which a presiding officer feels in introducing a well-known and distinguished man.  If I refer to the distinguished gentleman who is to respond to this toast as a pathetic speaker, you will immediately recall some of his fine humor; and if I should speak of him as a humorous speaker you will recall some pathetic sentence; so it is better to let General Horace Porter speak for himself.”]

MR. PRESIDENT AND GENTLEMEN:—­After General Sherman the deluge.  I am the deluge.  It is fortunate for me this evening that I come after General Sherman only in the order of speech, and not in the order of dinner, for a person once said in Georgia—­and he was a man who knew regarding the March to the Sea—­that anyone who came after General Sherman wouldn’t find much to eat.  Having been brought up in Pennsylvania, I listened with great interest to General Sherman’s reference to the proposed names of the States in the country.  He mentioned one as “Sylvania.”  That was evidently a dead letter till we put the Pen(n) to it. [Laughter.] I noticed that President Dwight listened with equal interest to the statement of that expedition which went West and carried such a large quantity of whiskey with it, in consequence of which the first University was founded. [Laughter.]

But, gentlemen, when I am requested in such an august presence as this to speak of the “Citizen Soldier,” I cannot help feeling like the citizen soldier of Hibernian extraction who came up, in the streets of New York, to a general officer and held out his hand for alms, evidently wanting to put himself temporarily on the General’s pay-roll, as it were.  The General said:  “Why don’t you work?” He said he couldn’t on account of his wounds.  The General asked where he was wounded.  He said, “In the retrate at Bull Run.”  “But whereabouts on your person?” He replied, “You’ll notice the scar here.” [Pointing to his face.] “Now, how could you get wounded in the face while on the retreat?” “I had the indiscrition to look back.” [Laughter.] “Well,” said the General, “that wouldn’t prevent your working.”  “Ah,” answered the man, “the worst wound is here.” [Left breast.] The General said, “Oh, that’s all bosh; if the bullet had gone in there it would have passed through your heart and killed you.”  “I beg your pardon, sir, at that moment me heart was in me mouth!” [Great laughter.] So if I had known that such an early attack was to be made upon me here to-night, I should have thrown my pickets farther out to the front, in hopes of getting sufficient information to beat a hasty retreat; for if there is one lesson better than another taught by the war, it is that a man may retreat successfully from almost any position, if he only starts in time. [Laughter.]