the South in Wall Street—­to give us a straight tip on the market—­he may be sure of a very attentive audience.  Now, Mr. Verdery, if you will tell us what to do to-morrow, we will all of us cheerfully give you half of what we make—­that is, of course, if you will guarantee us against loss.".]

MR. CHAIRMAN AND GENTLEMEN:—­When Colonel Fellows concluded his speech and sat down next to me, after he had by his matchless oratory electrified this audience and had immersed me in the flood of his eloquence, both literally and figuratively, for in the graceful swing of his gestures, he turned over a goblet of water in my lap [laughter], I felt very much as the little boy did who had stood at the head of his spelling-class for three weeks, and then was stumped by the word kaleidoscope.  He thought for a moment or two, and then seriously said, “he didn’t believe there was a boy on earth who could spell it.”  I did not believe, after Colonel Fellows finished, that there was another man on earth who could follow him. [Applause.]

Mr. Chairman, in the course of my experience I never knew of but one absolutely straight tip in Wall Street.  To that, you and this Society are perfectly welcome.  If you act on it, I will cheerfully guarantee you against loss, without exacting that you shall divide with me the profits.  It is a point that the late Mr. Travers gave our friend Henry Grady. [Laughter.] They had been to attend a national convention at Chicago, and on returning were seriously disappointed because of the failure to have nominated their chosen candidate.  As they came across the ferry in the gray light of the morning, Grady, who was seeking consolation, said:  “Mr. Travers, what is the best thing I can buy in Wall Street?” The noted wit of the Stock Exchange replied:  “The best thing you can buy is a ticket back to Atlanta.” [Laughter.]

Two old darkies, lounging on a street corner in Richmond, Va., one day, were suddenly aroused by a runaway team that came dashing toward them at breakneck speed.  The driver, scared nearly to death, had abandoned his reins, and was awkwardly climbing out of the wagon at the rear end.  One of the old negroes said:  “Brer’ Johnson, sure as you born man, de runaway horse am powerful gran’ and a monstrous fine sight to see.”  Johnson shook his head doubtfully, and then replied, philosophically, “Dat ‘pends berry much, nigger, on whedder you be standin’ on de corner obsarvin’ of him, or be gittin’ ober de tail-board ob de waggin.”  And likewise, it strikes me that any keen enjoyment to be gotten out of after-dinner speaking is peculiarly contingent—­“‘pendin’ berry much on whedder you is standin’ off lookin’ on, or gittin’ ober de tail-board of de waggin.” [Laughter.]

If Wall Street is all that spiteful cynics and ignorant fanatics say of it—­if we are to admit that it is a den of thieves, where only falsehood, treachery, and iniquitous schemes are propagated; if there is any ground for believing that all the exchanges are side-shows to hell [laughter], and their members devils incarnate [laughter], I fail to appreciate any advantage to the South in being there, and in no place where her presence could not be counted a credit would I assist in discovering her.