“Shoo’s a shocker,” he sed, “ther’s nubdy knows what aw have to put up wi.  Shoo ill-uses me throo morn to neet, an awm feeard o’ mi life.”  Just then shoo made a dash at him as if shood made up her mind to knock his heead cleean off, soa aw catched hold ov her arm an gave her a swing raand ‘at landed her just abaat th’ same spot ’at awd left a minit befoor.  Aw dooant know whether ivver yo’ve been hit at top oth heead wi a old-fashioned umbrella or net, but if yo have, yo know it’s nooan a varry pleasant thing, for it seems to strike you i’ three or four places at once.  Whether th’ owd chap hit me in a mistak or he did it o’ purpose awve niver had th’ chance to find aght, for things seem’d to get a gooid deeal mixt just abaat that that time, an all aw know is ‘at awve been i’ bed for ommost a wick, an awm soa stiff yet wol aw can hardly stir.  One hawf o’ mi heead is covered wi stickin’ plaister, an awm covered wi black an blue marks throo mi neck to mi knees.  As aw sit at th’ winder suppin’ mi gruel, aw can hear th’ rows gooin on across th’ street just as usual, an if they keep at it wol aw interfere agean they willn’t have to drop it just yet, for it’s towt me ’at it’s best to let fowk feight ther own battles, for when it’s nobbut one to one they’ve booath a chonce, but when it’s two to one it’s vary oft rough for th’ one.

Awr Emma—­A False Alarm.

“Aw dooan’t know what tha thinks abaat it, Isaac, but aw know ther’s summat nooan reight.  Aw went to see awr Emma last neet, an’ shoo doesn’t luk a bit like hersen:  an’ if shoo hadn’t been rooarin’ awl nivver trust mi een agean.  It’s some sooart o’ bother shoo’s havin’ wi’ yond felly o’ hers, depend on’t.  Aw warned her enuff befoar shoo gate wed, an’ tawk’d to her wol aw wor fair stall’d, but nowt ’ud do but shoo mud have him, an’ if shoo hasn’t getten her hands full aw’m capt.”

“Why, lass, aw dooan’t know what reason tha has for sayin’ soa, for aw’m sewer they seem varry comfortable together, an’ aw’ve nivver heeard her say a word agean him, an’ he seems as steady as old gold.  Shoo wor happen low spirited last neet, or had a bit o’ th’ heead wark.”

“Tha needn’t try to lap it up; aw can guess eggs when aw see shells, an’ aw know as well as if shoo’d tell’d me wi’ her own lips ’at ther’s summat at’s nooan reight.  Shoo’s far too gooid for him, an’ aw all us sed soa, an’ if shoo’d ha’ ta’en my advice shoo’d ha’ waited wol shoo’d met wi’ som’dy fitter for her.  But shoo’s thy temper to nowt, an’ if shoo sets her mind on a thing, it’s noa moor use tawkin’ to her nor spittin’ aght.  Aw’m nooan soa mich up o’ theas chaps ’at’s as steady as old gold:  they’re varry oft moor decaitful bi th’ hauf, an’ when aw come to think on it, aw remember he didn’t behave just as aw could ha’ liked him if he’d just been wed to me, th’ first day they wor wed, for he’d hardly a word to say to awr Emma at dinner time, but he could gabble fast enuff to that lass o’ Amos’s, an’ if shoo wor a child o’ mine aw’d awther tak’ some o’ that consait aght on her or else aw’d tak’ th’ skin off her back.”