’em ’at he’s prowlin raand like a lion seekin who to make a meal on th’ next.  Yo needn’t be mailly-maathed abaat him, becoss he’s net suppooased to have ony friends.  He willn’t care a button what yo say, ‘coss he knows yo cannot injure his character, an’ he laffs to hissen as he sees yo sighin, an lyin, an scheamin, all for ‘number one,’ an he puts a mark opposite yor name to show ’at he’s noa need to luk after yo ony moor—­yo’re all safe—­an’ then he turns his attention to some ‘number twos.’  It’s gooid spooart, isn’t it?  May be yo think it’s a spooart ’at’s niver entered onybody’s heead but mine, but yor mistakken.  It’s a varry common spoart.  Mind yo dooant catch yorsen indulging in it some day.

Number three reminds a body ov a deeal o’ things, but nowt as mitch as a pop shop.  Them three gold balls ‘at hing aght to show whear th’ poor fowk’s bankers live, if they could nobbot spaik, could tell a tale ’at wod cap some o’ them wiseacres ’at reckon to know all poor fowk’s troubles, an’ th’ way to cure’ em.  Nah, it’s a puzzle to me to accaant for one o’ these things, an’ that is, ’at fowk’s actions should be regarded through a different standpoint to owt else i’ th’ world.  A little tree is a tree, an’ it’s nobbut a tree ha big it is—­a puttate is nobbut a puttate if it grows as big as a churn-an’ a man considers hissen a man whether he’s a Goliah or a Tom Thumb.  But actions are different altogether.  Whether they’re to be considered gooid or bad depends entirely o’ th’ bugth on ’em.  A chap ’at can chait somdy aght ov twenty thaasand paands is considered smart:  but a poor begger ’at stails a looaf is a thief.  A chap ‘at walks into th’ joint stock bank, an’. leaves th’ title deeds ov his property for th’ loan ov five or six hundred paands, is an honerable tradesman, ’an it’s considered a business—­like act; but a poor woman’ at taks her fiat-iron to th’ pop shop, an’ borrows sixpence on it, commits a sin—­it’s a disgrace.  Aw wonder what th’ mooast o’ th’ banks are but pop shops.  What difference is ther between a pop ticket an’ a check book?  Varry little nobbut th’ bugth.  I’ my opinion it’s noa moor a disgrace for a chap to pop a paper coller nor for another to morgage a property.  Ther’s a gooid deal o’ speculation sometimes i’ booath cases.  Nah, aw once knew a chap at popt a haufacraan for two-an-four-pence, an then sell’d th’ ticket for a shillin:  soa he didn’t loise owt.  They’re useful places i’ ther way, though aw dooant mean to say at ther’s noa evils connected wi’ ’em.  Nah, aw once knew a woman ’at popt her husband’s Sunday clooas so as shoo could buy a new dress for hersen, ’an when he fan it aght he gave her a lickin an’ had to goa befoor th’ magistrates, an’ they fined him ten shillin or to goa to quad for a month, soa his wife popt her dress to’ pay th’ fine.  Nah, it isn’t ivery evil ’at can reighten itsen like that; an’ varry likely bith time they’ve getten ’em aght agean they’ll have lernt moor wit.