“Oh, we mun burry that, we’ll ha’ noa moor truck wi’ that, an’ aw think we’d better ax some advice abaght some o’ them ‘at’s etten th’ other; for it wod be a doo if they’d to start o’ growin’ tails or summat! ther’s noa tellin’.”

They were boath soa terrified woll they left their wark, an’ they went to see an owd chap ‘at’s varry skilful o’ heearbs, an’ they tell’d him all abaght it, an’ axed him “if he thowt it ’ud mak ony difference to them ’at had etten it?”

“Well,” he said, “considerin’ what sooart o’ fathers they have aw dooant think it will mak mich difference to th’ childer, it hardly con, an’ if th’ wives get rayther unruly, yo mun try an’ bridle ’em a bit.  But if yo’ll tak my advice for’t future, yo’ll let that alooan ’at doesn’t belang to yo, for yo’ll allus find ought dishonestly getten, will breed moor trouble to yo nor what th’ loss ’ll mak to them yo’ve ta’en it throo,—­soa goa hooam, an’ bear i’ mind ‘at “Honesty is th’ best policy,” an’ if ’owd Labon’s donkey has towt yo that lesson, it hasn’t dee’d for nowt.”

They went back to their wark, but someha’ or other it’s getten wind, an’ aw fancy ‘at th’ doctor’s tell’d, but be that as it may, aw consider they wor reight sarved, an’ aw dooant think they’ll show up at this tea-drinkin’.

“Well, aw niver heard sich a tale i’ my life,” said Zantippa.  “An’ aw should think they’ll never see a donkey withaght thinkin’ on it, an’ if soa it’ll noa daat be for th’ best.  Noabody owt to be aboon learnin’ when they’ve a chonce, an’ aw think aw’ve lent a lesson to-day.”

“Does ta lass, an’ what is it?”

“Why, ’at to mak hooam comfortable owt to be a woman’s furst duty, for a clean hearth an’ a cheerful fire do a deal towards makin’ a cheerful heart; for when a haase is upset a chap’s temper gets upset, an’ it’s a deal better to prevent a few cross words nor to try an’ mak things up agean.”

“Tha’rt a gooid lass, Zantippa!  God bless thi!  Let’s goa to bed!”

One, Two, Three.

Nah number one is onybody an’ iverybody; for we’re all number one to ussen.  Ther’s an old sayin, an’ it must be true, for ommost iverybody seems to believe it, ’at we should all remember number one—­that is, it’s set daan to be iverybody’s duty to do th’ best they can for thersen, an’ it’s becoss this doctrine is soa well acted up to, ’at maks me think ‘at ther may be a bit ov amusement an’ profit i’ studying abaat it at this time—­yo can tak th’ amusement an’ let me have th’ profit.  Nah, if you act up to my advice, aw think yo may be happen better nor yo are, an’ if yo dooant aw dooant think yo’l be ony war, an’ that’s one comfort.  Ther’s nowt like startin at th’ faandation ov a subject, if yo want to deal wi’ it in a reight way, an’ aw intend to goa to th’ rooit, an’ as money is th’ rooit ov all evil, an’ th’ number one doctrine is i’ my opinion an evil, aw shall start wi’ brass.  We mun awther believe money to be th’ rooit ov all evil, or