“Whoas come hooam druffen?  Does ta mean to say ’at aw wor iver druffen?  Aw’ll mak thee prove thi words if ther’s a law ’ith land ’at can do it!  Aw’ll let thee see ‘at my keracter is as gooid as onybody’s, an’ a deal better nor sich as thine.”

“Aw niver sed who it wor ’at coom hooam druffen, but aw dar say tha can guess.”

“If its onnybody its thisen! gurt brussen thing ’at tha art!  Who is it ‘at sends ther poor husband to his wark wi’ a sup o’ teah an’ dry cake, an’ then cooks a beefsteak to ther own breakfast?  Can ta tell me that?”

“If aw connot, tha can, an’ that isn’t all;—­can ta tell me who it is ‘at invites th’ neighbors to rum and teah ‘ith’ after nooin, when they know th’ husband’s gooin to work ovver?  Can ta tell me that?”

“Well, if ther’s been onny rum an’ teah stirrin, tha’s allus takken gooid care to have thi share on it, but they’ve allus been wimmen ‘ats’ come to awr haase when th’ maister’s been aat, that’s one blessin.”

“Does ta meean to say ‘at ther’s onny fellies been to awr haase when th’ husband’s been off?  Tha’d better mind what tha says or else that cap o’ thine ul suffer!”

“Aw dooant say onny fellies has been;—­tha should know th’ best, but awm nawther blind nor gaumless.  But aw’ll tell th’ what tha art;—­Tha’rt a nasty, ill contrived gooid-for-nowt, an’ all th’ neighbors say soa, an’ they wish to gooidness tha’d flit, an’ all at belangs to thi, for ther’s niver onny peace whear tha ar’t.”

“Noa, an’ ther niver will be onny peace wol tha pays for yond winder!  Does ta think fowk’s nowt else to do wi’ ther brass, but to put in winders for yor Alick to mash?”

“Aw tell thi he hasn’t mash’d it, for he’s niver cross’d th’ doorstun sin he gate up.  Th’ fact is he’s niver getten up yet, for he isn’t at hooam, for he’s aboon twenty miles off, at his gronmothers.”

“Dooant tell me that!  Ther’s awr Vaynus comin, he knows who mash’d it.  Vaynus!  Who wor it ’at mash’d yond winder?  Nah tell a lie at thi peril,—­did ta see it brokken?”

“Eea, aw saw Topsy jump up at th’ birdcage, an’ it missed it click an’ tumbled throo th’ winder.”

“A’a I drabbit that cat!  Aw’ll as sure screw its neck raand as awm livin!”

“Nah tha sees, aw tell’d thi it worn’t awr Aleck!”

“Noa, it couldn’t ha been!  Are ta sure tha saw yond cat do it, Vaynus?”

“Eea awm sure aw saw it.”

“Why then it wornt yor Alick!  An aw hardly thowt it wor, for he’s abaat as quiet a lad an’ as daycent a one as ther is abaat here.  Aw oft tell awrs to tak a lesson throo him.”

“Ther’s noa better lad iver breathed nor awr Alick;—­aw dooant say’at he’s better nor onnybody’s else, but he’s as gooid.  An’ awm sure tha’s a lot ov as fine childer as onnybody need set e’en on, an’ if they are a bit wild, what can yo expect when ther’s soa monny on ’em.  But aw mun get these clooas dried wol ther’s a bit o’ druft.  Wi’ ta leean me that clooas prop o’ thine agean?”