At first she only thought of Aksel Aaroe, the unhappy lost one!  To-morrow or the next day he would leave the country; she knew this from past experience, and this time it would be for ever.

But as she thought how terrible it was, the toupet on the pillow seemed to ask:  “Was Aksel Aaroe so very genuine?” “Yes, yes, how could he help it if he became bald so early.”  “H’m,” answered the toupet; “he could have confessed to it.”

She struggled on; luckily she did not meet any one, nor was she overtaken by any of those who had been at Baadshaug.  She must look very comical, perspiring and tearful, with unfastened cloak, in thin shoes and with a shawl in her hand.  Several times she slackened her pace, but the disturbance of her feelings was too great, and it was her nature to struggle forward.

But through all her feverish haste the great question forced itself upon her:  “Would you not wish now, Ella, to relinquish all your dreams, since time after time things go so badly?” She sobbed violently and answered:  “Not for worlds.  No! for these dreams are the best things that I have.  They have given me the power to measure others so that I can never exalt anything which is base.  No!  I have woven them round my children as well, so that I have a thousand times more pleasure in them.  They and the flowers are all that I have.”  And she sobbed and pressed on.

“But now you will have no dream, Ella!”

At first she did not know what to reply to this, it seemed but too true, too terribly true, and the toupet showed itself again.

It was here that Aaroe had sung the old winter song, and as the tinkle of the sledge-bells had accompanied it, so now her tears were unceasingly accompanied by two little voices:  “Mamma, mamma!” It was not strange, for it was towards the children that she was hurrying, but now they seemed to demand that she should dream about them.  No, no!  “You have something real there,” Aaroe’s voice seemed to say.  She remembered his saying it, she remembered his sadness as he did so.  Had he really thought of himself and her, or of the children and her?  Had he compared his own weakness with their health, with their future?  Her thoughts wandered far away from the boys, and she was once more immersed in all his words and looks, trying by them to solve this enigma.  But these, with the yearning and pain, came back as they had never done before.  Her whole life was over; her dream was of too long standing, too strong, too clear, the roots could not be pulled up; it was impossible.  Were they not round everything which, next day, she should see, or touch, or use?  As a last stroke she remembered that the boys were not at home; she would come to an empty house.

But she resisted still; for when she got home and had bathed and gone to bed, and again the moonlight shone in on her and reminded her of her thoughts the night before, she turned away and cried aloud like a child.  None could enter, none could hear her; her heart was young, as though she were but seventeen; it could not, it would not give up!