Diddie, Dumps & Tot eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 176 pages of information about Diddie, Dumps & Tot.

Diddie, Dumps & Tot eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 176 pages of information about Diddie, Dumps & Tot.

Now the opening of the Bible was a mere matter of form, for Uncle Daniel didn’t even know his letters; but he thought it was more impressive to have the Bible open, and therefore never omitted that part of the ceremony.

“My bredren an’ my sistren,” he began, looking solemnly over his specs at the congregation, “de tex’ wat I’se gwine ter gib fur yer ’strucshun dis ebenin’ yer’ll not fin’ in de foremus’ part er de Book, nur yit in de hine part.  Hit’s swotuwated mo’ in de middle like, ’boutn ez fur fum one een ez ‘tiz fum tudder, an’ de wuds uv de tex’ is dis: 

“‘Burhol’, I’ll punish um! dey young men shall die by de s’ord, an’ dey sons an’ dey daughters by de famine.’

“My bredren, embracin’ uv de sistren, I’se ben ‘stressed in my min’ ‘boutn de wickedness I sees er gwine on.  Eby night de Lord sen’ dar’s dancin’ an’ loffin’ an’ fiddlin’; an’ efn er man raises ’im er few chickens an’ watermillions, dey ain’t safe no longer’n his back’s turnt; an’, let erlone dat, dar’s quarlin’ ‘longer one nudder, an’ dar’s sassin’ uv wite folks an’ ole pussuns, an’ dar’s drinkin’ uv whiskey, an’ dar’s beatin’ uv wives, an’ dar’s dev’lin’ uv husban’s, an’ dar’s imperrence uv chil’en, an’ dar’s makin’ fun uv ‘ligion, an’ dar’s singin’ uv reel chunes, an’ dar’s slightin’ uv wuck, an’ dar’s stayin’ fum meetin’, an’ dar’s swearin’ an’ cussin’, an’ dar’s eby kin’ er wickedness an’ dev’lment loose in de land.

“An’, my bredren, takin’ in de sistren, I’ve talked ter yer, an’ I’ve tol’ yer uv de goodness an’ de long-suff’rin’ uv de Lord.  I tol’ yer outn his Book, whar he’d lead yer side de waters, an’ be a Shepherd ter yer; an’ yer kep’ straight on, an’ neber paid no ’tenshun; so tudder night, wile I wuz er layin’ in de bed an’ er steddin’ wat ter preach ‘bout, sumpin’ kin’ er speak in my ear; an’ hit sez, ’Brer Dan’l, yer’ve tol’ ’em ‘bout de Lord’s leadin’ uv ’em, an’ now tell ’em ’boutn his drivin’ uv ’em.  An’, my bredren, includin’ uv de sistren, I ain’t gwine ter spare yer feelin’s dis day.  I’m er stan’in’ hyear fur ter ’liver de message outn de Book, an’ dis is de message: 

“‘Burhol’, I’ll punish um! dey young men shall die by de s’ord, an’ dey sons an’ dey daughters by de famine.’

“Yer all hyear it, don’t yer?  An’ now yer want ter know who sont it.  De Lord!  Hit’s true he sont it by a po’ ole nigger, but den hit’s his own wuds; hit’s in his Book.  An’, fussly, we’ll pursidder dis:  IS HE ABLE TER DO IT?  Is he able fur ter kill marster’s niggers wid de s’ord an’ de famine?  My bredren, he is able!  Didn’ he prize open de whale’s mouf, an’ take Jonah right outn him?  Didn’ he hol’ back de lions wen dey wuz er rampin’ an’ er tearin’ roun’ atter Dan’l in de den?  Wen de flood come, an’ all de yearth wuz drownded, didn’ he paddle de ark till he landed her on top de mount er rats?  Yes, my bredren, embracin’ uv de sistren, an’ de same Lord wat done all er dat, he’s de man wat’s got de s’ords an’ de famines ready fur dem wat feels deyse’f too smart ter ’bey de teachin’s uv de Book.  ‘Dey young men shall die by de s’ord, an’ dey sons an’ dey daughters by de famine.’

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Diddie, Dumps & Tot from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.