“In concloodin’ I’ll say that owin’ to the openin’ of the bank about which I was tellin’ you of, Wolf River is holdin’ the followin’ programme which it’s free to everyone to enter into or to look on at.

“They’ll be a ropin’ contest, in which some of our most notorious ropers will rope, throw, an’ hog-tie a steer, in the least shortness of time.  The prizes fer this here contest is:  First prize, ten dollars, doneated by the directors of the bank fer which’s openin’ this celebration is held in honour of.  Second prize, one pair of pants doneated by the Montana Mercantile Company.  Third prize, one quart of bottle in bond whiskey doneated by our pop’lar townsman an’ leadin’ citizen, Mr. Jake Grimshaw, proprietor of The Long Horn Saloon.

“The next contest is a buckin’ contest, in which some of our most notorious riders will ride or get bucked offen some of our most fameous outlaw horses.  The prizes fer this here contest is:  First, a pair of angory chaps, doneated by the directors of the bank about which I have spoke of before.  Second prize, a pair of spurs doneated by the Wolf River Tradin’ Company.  Third prize, a coffin that was ordered by Sam Long’s wife from the Valley Outfittin’ Company, when Sam had the apendiceetis of the stummick, an’ fer which Sam refused to pay fer when he got well contrary to expectations.

“Both these here contests is open to ladies an’ gents, both of which is invited to enter.  They will also be hoss racin’, fancy an’ trick ridin’, an’ shootin’, fer all of which sootable prizes has be’n pervided, as well as fer the best lookin’ man an’ the homliest lady an’ vicy versy.  Any lady or gent attendin’ these here contests will be gave out a ticket good fer one drink at any saloon in town.  These drinks is on the directors of the bank of which I have before referred to.

“An’, ladies an’ gents, in concloodin’ I’ll say that that hain’t all!  Follerin’ these here contests, after each an’ every lady an’ gent has had time to git their drink they’ll be a supper dished out at the hootel fer which the directors of the bank of which you have already heard mention of has put up fifty cents a plate.  This here supper is as free as gratis to all who care to percipitate an’ which will incloode a speech by the Honorable Mayor Maloney, part of which I have already spoke, but will repeat fer the benefit of them that hain’t here.

“Followin’ the supper a dance will be pulled off in Curly Hardee’s dance-hall, the music fer which will be furnished by some of our most notorious fiddlers incloodin’ Mrs. Slim Maloney, wife of the Honorable Mayor Maloney, who will lead the grand march, an’ who I consider one of the top pyanoists of Choteau County, if not in the hull United States.  It is a personal fact ladies an’ gents, that I’ve heard her set down to a pyano an’ play Old Black Joe so natural you’d swear it was Home Sweet Home.  An’ when she gits het up to it, I’ll promise she’ll loosen up an’ tear off some of the liveliest music any one of you’s ever shook a leg to.