‘He should be called Spooney Sponge, not Soapey Sponge,’ observed Captain Seedeybuck.

‘Well, but to whom?’ asked Captain Bouncey.

‘Ah, to whom indeed!  That’s the question,’ rejoined her ladyship archly.

‘I know,’ observed Bob Spangles.

‘No, you don’t.’

‘Yes, I do.’

‘Who is it, then?’ demanded her ladyship.

‘Lucy Glitters, to be sure,’ replied Bob, who hadn’t had his stare out of the billiard-room window for nothing.

‘Pity her,’ observed Bouncey, sprawling along the billiard-table to play for a cannon.

‘Why?’ asked Lady Scattercash.

‘Reg’lar scamp,’ replied Bouncey, vexed at missing his stroke.

‘Dare say you know nothing about him,’ snapped her ladyship.

‘Don’t I?’ replied Bouncey complacently; adding, ‘that’s all you know.’

‘He’ll whop her, to a certainty,’ observed Seedeybuck.

‘What makes you think that?’ asked her ladyship.

’Oh—­ha—­hem—­haw—­why, because he whopped his poor horse—­whopped him over the ears.  Whop his horse, whop his wife; whop his wife, whop his horse.  Reg’lar Rule-of-three sum.’

‘Make her a bad husband, I dare say,’ observed Bob Spangles, who was rather smitten with Lucy himself.

‘Never mind; a bad husband’s a deal better than none, Bob,’ replied Lady Scattercash, determined not to be put out of conceit of her man.

‘He, he, he!—­haw, haw, haw!—­ho, ho, ho!  Well done you!’ laughed several.

‘She’ll have to keep him,’ observed Captain Cutitfat, whose turn it now was to play.

‘What makes you think that?’ asked Lady Scattercash, coming again to the charge.

‘He has nothing,’ replied Fat coolly.

‘’Deed, but he has—­a very good property, too,’ replied her ladyship.

‘In Airshire, I should think,’ rejoined Fat.

‘No, in Englandshire,’ retorted her ladyship:  ’and great expectations from an uncle,’ added she.

‘Ah—­he looks like a man to be on good terms with his uncle,’ sneered Captain Bouncey.

‘Make no doubt he pays him many a visit,’ observed Seedeybuck.

‘Indeed! that’s all you know,’ snapped Lady Scattercash.

‘It’s not all I know,’ replied Seedeybuck.

‘Well, then, what else do you know?’ asked she.

‘I know he has nothing,’ replied Seedey.

‘How do you know it?’

‘I know,’ said Seedey, with an emphasis, now settling to his stroke.

‘Well, never mind,’ retorted her ladyship; ’if he has nothing, she has nothing, and nothing can be nicer.’

So saying, she hurried out of the room.

CHAPTER LXVI

MR. SPONGE AT HOME

[Illustration]