I confided this yearning of mine to Rottenbury the other evening.  Rottenbury is a man of the world and might, I thought, be able to help me.

“My dear fellow,” he said, “in these days of specialisation one has to be brought up in the business to be an expert in anything, whether cloth or canaries or bathroom tiling.  Knowledge of this kind is not gained in a moment.”

“Can you help me?” I asked.

“As regards tea, I can,” he replied.  “Jorkins over there is in the tea business.  If you like I’ll get him to put you up to the tricks of tea-tasting.”

“I should be awfully glad if you would,” said I.  “We never get any decent tea at home.”

Jorkins appeared to be a man of direct and efficient character.  I saw Rottenbury speak to him and the next moment he was at my elbow.

“Watch me carefully,” said Jorkins, “and listen to what I say.  Take a little leaf into the palm of your left hand.  Rub it lightly with the fingers and gaze earnestly thus.  Apply your nose and snuff up strongly.  Pick out a strand and bite through the leaf slowly with the front teeth, thus.  Just after biting pass the tip of the tongue behind the front teeth and along the palate, completing the act of deglutition.  Sorry I must go now.  Good day.”

Now I felt I was on the right track.  I practised the thing a few times before a glass, paying special attention to the far-away poetical look which Jorkins wore during the operation.

At the tea-shop the man behind the counter willingly showed me numbers of teas.  I snatched a handful of that which he specially recommended and began the ceremony.  I took a little into the palm of my left-hand and gazed at it earnestly; I rubbed it lightly with my fingers; I picked up a strand and bit through the leaf slowly with the front teeth.  Just after biting I passed the tongue behind the front teeth and along the palate, completing the act of deglutition.

So far as I could judge it was very good tea, but it would never do to accept the first sample offered; I must let the shopman see that he was up against one of the mandarins of the trade.  So I said with severity, “Please don’t show me any more common stuff; I want the best you have.”

The man looked at me curiously and I saw his face twitching; he was evidently about to speak.

“Kindly refrain from expostulating,” I went on; “content yourself with showing me your finest blend.”

He went away to the back of the shop, muttering; clearly he recognised defeat, for when he returned he carried a small chest.

“Try this,” said he, and I knew that he was boiling with baffled rage.

I took a handful and once more went through the whole ceremony.  It was nauseating, but the man was obviously impressed.  At the conclusion of my performance I assumed a look of satisfaction.  “Give me five pounds of that,” said I with the air of a conqueror.