Caddie. “I THINK IT MUST BE T’OTHER GENTLEMAN’S ’EART, SIR.”]

* * * * *

“NEW MOTOR-BUS SERVICES.

    Residents in the area between the county town and ——­ are now able to
    do their shopping at either place with the maximum of inconvenience so
    far as travel is concerned.”—­Provincial Paper.

Just as in London.

* * * * *

GISH-JINGLE.

    [The Times in a recent article on events in the Film world announces
    the impending arrival in Europe of Miss DOROTHY GISH, adding, however,
    that the visit is mainly undertaken for recreation.]

  Let others discourse and descant
    Upon MANNIX the martyr archbish,
  Me rather it pleases to chant
    The arrival of DOROTHY GISH.

  Among the elite of the Screen
    She holds an exalted posit.;
  But in Europe she never has been
    Hitherto, hasn’t DOROTHY GISH.

And it’s well to consider aright
That she harbours the laudable wish
For a holiday, not for the light
Of the lime, does Miss DOROTHY GISH.

None the less with the wildest surmise
Do I muse on the bountiful dish
Of sensation purveyed for the wise
And the foolish by DOROTHY GISH.

* * * * *

Will you strengthen the hands of LLOYD GEORGE
Or frown on the poor Coalit.? 
Will you force profiteers to disgorge,
Beneficent DOROTHY GISH?

Do you hold by self-governing schools? 
Do you think that headmasters should swish
Or adopt Montessorian rules,
Benevolent DOROTHY GISH?

  Will they give you an Oxford degree? 
    Will you learn to call marmalade “squish”? 
  Will KENWORTHY ask you to tea
    On the Terrace, great DOROTHY GISH?

  Do you favour the Russ or the Pole? 
    Will you visit the Servians at Nish? 
  Are you sound on the subject of coal? 
    Are you Pussyfoot, DOROTHY GISH?

  Are you going to be terribly mobbed
    When attending the concerts of KRISH? 
  Are your tresses luxuriant or “bobbed”? 
    Do tell us, kind DOROTHY GISH!

  Meanwhile we are moody and mad,
    Like SAUL the descendant of KISH,
  Oh, arrive and make everyone glad,
    Delectable DOROTHY GISH!

* * * * *

“Wanted, Lady Clerk; one accustomed to milk ledgers preferred.”—­New
Zealand Paper.

But how does one milk a ledger?

* * * * *

THE BLUE MOUNTAINS.

A SOUTH INDIAN LOVESONG.

When the long trick’s wearing over and a spell of leave comes due
The most’ll go back to Blighty to see if their dreams are true;
There’s some that’ll make for the Athol glens and some for the Sussex
downs,
There’s some that’ll cling to the country and some that’ll turn to towns;
But I know what I’ll do, and I’ll do it right or wrong,
I’ll just get back to the Blue Mountains, for that’s where I belong.